[!] You don't have to read this, but I just have to speak out.

Over a year I noticed huge changes in myself: Increased irritability, aggression (80% uncontrollable), intrusive thoughts, mood swings, rare but controllable suicidal thoughts.
I will not go into details, but now I am aware that these things are now maximum active and spoil my life, and to agree with my mother to go to a therapist is not an easy task, but even if I do not care about it - it has spoiled my life very much, destroyed my relationship with people, made problems my socialization, and I'm tired of it. Memories of trauma often makes everything worse.
I trying to block it out, but the intrusive thoughts are blowing my mind today, I just hope talking it out will make me feel better until I can get professional psychological help, come to my senses, and change things at least halfway through.
I'm sorry my friends see me as the enemy and I see the same in them.