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I wasn't planning to upload another drawing this year but my recent experience at the company christmas party was bothering me so much I decided to create this as a 'vent'.
I don't like to talk about myself all that much (at least not to the general audience) but I'm sure some of you already know I've got social anxiety issues and sometimes they cause me big problems especially in public situations.
Well I decided to attend my company christmas party this year (the first one they've ever had while I've worked there) and I figured I'd get along fairly well there, I mean I'm pretty comfortable with most of my co-workers and I like to think I've improved my social skills a lot in the last 5 years... Evidently not... I got there and 3/4 of the people were people I didn't recognize (mostly made of people from our other stores along with their +1's) and the room was pretty packed and loud and I guess I just couldn't handle it.
I spent most of the party wandering around aimlessly, going outside, sitting by myself twiddling with my phone (not actually doing anything with it, just messing with it) and hiding out in the bathroom... It wasn't pretty. IDK why I'm like this and it frustrates me to no end. I really wanted to have a good time but my anxiety demon decided to pay a visit and say NOPE! So I hung around long enough for the raffle to be over which OF COURSE I was probably one of 10 people who went home empty handed and then I bolted... I'm really not looking forward to work tomorrow assuming anyone even payed attention to what I was doing. I don't want to answer the question of "why didn't you come sit with us" or anything along those lines...
I'm so freaking frustrated with myself over this. I know parties aren't my thing AT ALL but Come On Man I couldn't even fake it.
So yeah this image is basically how I felt throughout. I felt like everyone was staring at me (even though they weren't), I felt like there was this dark aura all around me and I really just wanted to leave.
I don't like to talk about myself all that much (at least not to the general audience) but I'm sure some of you already know I've got social anxiety issues and sometimes they cause me big problems especially in public situations.
Well I decided to attend my company christmas party this year (the first one they've ever had while I've worked there) and I figured I'd get along fairly well there, I mean I'm pretty comfortable with most of my co-workers and I like to think I've improved my social skills a lot in the last 5 years... Evidently not... I got there and 3/4 of the people were people I didn't recognize (mostly made of people from our other stores along with their +1's) and the room was pretty packed and loud and I guess I just couldn't handle it.
I spent most of the party wandering around aimlessly, going outside, sitting by myself twiddling with my phone (not actually doing anything with it, just messing with it) and hiding out in the bathroom... It wasn't pretty. IDK why I'm like this and it frustrates me to no end. I really wanted to have a good time but my anxiety demon decided to pay a visit and say NOPE! So I hung around long enough for the raffle to be over which OF COURSE I was probably one of 10 people who went home empty handed and then I bolted... I'm really not looking forward to work tomorrow assuming anyone even payed attention to what I was doing. I don't want to answer the question of "why didn't you come sit with us" or anything along those lines...
I'm so freaking frustrated with myself over this. I know parties aren't my thing AT ALL but Come On Man I couldn't even fake it.
So yeah this image is basically how I felt throughout. I felt like everyone was staring at me (even though they weren't), I felt like there was this dark aura all around me and I really just wanted to leave.
Category Artwork (Digital) / General Furry Art
Species Fox (Other)
Size 1200 x 1200px
File Size 585.9 kB
I mean usually I can handle basic conversation with people I'm familiar with and even some I'm not depending on the topic (like official work business talk I'm fine). While I was there I actually managed to hold a brief convo with my superior's (not really my boss, boss) wife and I didn't even know her but I was extremely familiar with him so it wasn't much of a problem. But that was pretty early in the night and it was just about farm stuff. The longer the night went on the worse and worse it got for me.
I can totally relate to this. I know I mentioned in the past about my ASD problems on my own pages, but I never realized how much it has affected my abilities to just talk to random people. I thought that talking with folks like you on this site and DA, or with my own coworkers would help me open up more, but no luck.
I had a reunion with my high school class a couple of months ago and even though I recognized a few people, I barely said a single word during the whole reunion. I just kept to myself, avoided eye contact and drew in my sketchbook…
I just also want to say that you can yak with me whenever you want since I understand the pain…
I had a reunion with my high school class a couple of months ago and even though I recognized a few people, I barely said a single word during the whole reunion. I just kept to myself, avoided eye contact and drew in my sketchbook…
I just also want to say that you can yak with me whenever you want since I understand the pain…
Yeah it never seems to work out In Real Life no matter how confident you become on the internet or with your inside circle. I thought I could handle it because like I mentioned above I'm fairly familiar with my co-workers, some I can walk right up to and talk about anything (I might do that a bit too much to some...) and other's I'm comfortable enough with. But add in that extra factor of people I don't know being in the vicinity and I clamp up.
I've never had a class reunion but I honestly think I'd end up the same way, mostly keeping to myself avoiding eye contact, that pretty much sums up how I went through highschool anyways.. I don't have the confidence to draw outside of my closed bedroom so I'd probably just twiddle with my phone.
Also And you know what really ticks me off... When people are like "well just go and talk to them it's not hard" or "don't be antisocial" or whatever ending with 'Its Not Hard'. "Oh gee I never thought about it that way, yes why don't I flip the anxiety switch and it'll be all better"... Ugh fml.
I've never had a class reunion but I honestly think I'd end up the same way, mostly keeping to myself avoiding eye contact, that pretty much sums up how I went through highschool anyways.. I don't have the confidence to draw outside of my closed bedroom so I'd probably just twiddle with my phone.
Also And you know what really ticks me off... When people are like "well just go and talk to them it's not hard" or "don't be antisocial" or whatever ending with 'Its Not Hard'. "Oh gee I never thought about it that way, yes why don't I flip the anxiety switch and it'll be all better"... Ugh fml.
High school wasn’t as bad for me because I still had a couple of friends/teachers that I could commune with. Nearly all of my friends stopped talking to me after graduation.
As for being told to “just talk to someone,” yeah, I’ve been told that a few times before by friends and family members, including my dad. I don’t hate any of them, but as you said, it’s sadly not as easy as they say…
As for being told to “just talk to someone,” yeah, I’ve been told that a few times before by friends and family members, including my dad. I don’t hate any of them, but as you said, it’s sadly not as easy as they say…
Austin mentioned reunions; I went to several of mine; the first at 4 years -- catching the college kids before they left -- a social disaster for me because I was a college dropout. The second at 10 years was not as bad. I brought my girlfriend to my 40th -- already awkward because she wasn't born for ten years after I graduated. She spent a lot of the evening chumming it up with one of my first girlfriends, the one who drew me out of my shell in high school. Heaven only knows what they talked about, but I actually think that helped me get through the night.
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