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More from Apollo
EDIT: This is the first draft after a bit of editing :3 BUT I liked the original enough to keep in my scraps, so yeah!
Ahhhhh new art in my gallery feels SO GOOOOOD.
So this is based off of Wednesday, September 15, 2010, which was a pretty awesome day because I'd gotten two new pairs of jeans, the exact same pair mentioned in the story, and I felt just as sexy. :3 It's amazing what a new pair of pants can do for you self-esteem haha.
This whole thing is based off of my life, and what I do in school, mostly, only with a few changes. Lemme spell it out:
NO
-I do not actually have a girlfriend
-I do not own a Shelby GT500 or Jeep Cherokee (want one though D: )
-I don't have a blue hoodie :C
-I'm running out of don't's so I think that's all
Everything else is straight from my day-to-day, though. Everything described in this story happened Wednesday :3
Sorry if it gets a little boring in some spots...I kinda just dumped my brain on the paper and painted a picture with it :D Anyone who doesn't know me too well either might not enjoy it, get to know my thought process, or both!
Also, this is Part 1! Part 2 follows up on this story, with sex, of course. ;3
(I love being 18 <3)
Enjoy guuuys.
EDIT FOR CREDIT
(Forgot to add this last night before going to bed, sorry <3)
I'd first and foremost like to thank
for reading this over and putting up with my nagging and picking things out <3
I'd also like to thank
, because his Code Drop series actually inspired some of this, particularly the focus on just two characters in a relationship, and his forego of in-depth detail like I tend to do made this short story very painless to write. I'd very highly recommend the series, by the way, guy's got a great style, and his work is in the Heat comics ;3
Here's some links~
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4463545/ <--- Picked this one right off the front page on a whim, it's how I found Tempo.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3946274/
And thanks to everyone who has commented and faved already, and to those who might, thank you! <3
Ahhhhh new art in my gallery feels SO GOOOOOD.
So this is based off of Wednesday, September 15, 2010, which was a pretty awesome day because I'd gotten two new pairs of jeans, the exact same pair mentioned in the story, and I felt just as sexy. :3 It's amazing what a new pair of pants can do for you self-esteem haha.
This whole thing is based off of my life, and what I do in school, mostly, only with a few changes. Lemme spell it out:
NO
-I do not actually have a girlfriend
-I do not own a Shelby GT500 or Jeep Cherokee (want one though D: )
-I don't have a blue hoodie :C
-I'm running out of don't's so I think that's all
Everything else is straight from my day-to-day, though. Everything described in this story happened Wednesday :3
Sorry if it gets a little boring in some spots...I kinda just dumped my brain on the paper and painted a picture with it :D Anyone who doesn't know me too well either might not enjoy it, get to know my thought process, or both!
Also, this is Part 1! Part 2 follows up on this story, with sex, of course. ;3
(I love being 18 <3)
Enjoy guuuys.
EDIT FOR CREDIT
(Forgot to add this last night before going to bed, sorry <3)
I'd first and foremost like to thank
for reading this over and putting up with my nagging and picking things out <3I'd also like to thank
, because his Code Drop series actually inspired some of this, particularly the focus on just two characters in a relationship, and his forego of in-depth detail like I tend to do made this short story very painless to write. I'd very highly recommend the series, by the way, guy's got a great style, and his work is in the Heat comics ;3Here's some links~
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4463545/ <--- Picked this one right off the front page on a whim, it's how I found Tempo.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3946274/
And thanks to everyone who has commented and faved already, and to those who might, thank you! <3
Category Story / General Furry Art
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 26.5 kB
It's a fantastic read- making a more-or-less normal day sound absolutely exciting! The fresh wit you use really helps make it pop, which seems to be a trademark in your lighter works. You definately have the storyteller's gift.
However, I'd get rid of things that make it look more like you're talking online- an example, incidentally, comes from my favorite line, "The righteous knight in me was appalled. My damsel in distress?! I MUST RESCUE HEEEER." The last part, all in caps, kind of conflicts with the general style. Of course, that's just my opinion- I'm a terrible purist about some things XD
However, I'd get rid of things that make it look more like you're talking online- an example, incidentally, comes from my favorite line, "The righteous knight in me was appalled. My damsel in distress?! I MUST RESCUE HEEEER." The last part, all in caps, kind of conflicts with the general style. Of course, that's just my opinion- I'm a terrible purist about some things XD
A good read. You make a not so mundane school day sound so fun and interesting. Your writing style works so bouncy and energetically to keep with the mood of the day, and that kept me going from beginning to end. :3
I have to agree with Renard above me though: the sudden shotgun of uh... we'll say "internet speak" near the very end was entertaining, but threw me off from the general flow a -tiny- bit. Honestly, this is nitpicking though, and I have no particular complaints about this story. ^^
I have to agree with Renard above me though: the sudden shotgun of uh... we'll say "internet speak" near the very end was entertaining, but threw me off from the general flow a -tiny- bit. Honestly, this is nitpicking though, and I have no particular complaints about this story. ^^
You should read the updated version! I fixed some nitpicks of my own here and there :D
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6053176
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6053176
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