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These are some of the things that I remember really vividly, spankings/beatings were a regular thing. If anything seemed broken us kids would get blamed for it even if we weren't around. We'd "have to have played with it" and each adult had a different thing for it. Dad would sit us in his room in the dark while he pretended to go chose a belt, while always picking the one with the metal buckle on it. An hits would vary depending on how mad he was. I remember fainting once from how long it went on when he slipped up and hit me in the back. When I woke up he was over me freaking out, but when he saw I was ok he just got back onto me for what broke. Mom would make us pick sticks out from the yard, take too long and she'd use dad's belt instead, same for if we picked a smooth or "wimpy" stick. The principle of our school funnily enough was a mercy. Since it was just a regular wooden paddle.
A lot of that stopped when CPS came, I still dunno how they knew they were coming but I was told to cover up a lot before school the next day cause it'd be really cold and to not take off my gloves. Along with the "going to a place for bad kids" if I ever brought up stuff. An then the next day at school they pulled both me and my sister out of classes to talk to us separately. I was talked to by 2 ladies bout stuff at home, and not knowing better I just did what my parents said. Still a lot of the hitting stopped for awhile till I got older.
However they did put us in compromising scenarios like the mouse trap bit. Which went just as you see in the comic, my sister went first and they let her do it just fine. When it came to my turn somewhere through the way they threw a tennis ball at a trap. An it set off other traps. An one jumped right onto my knee when it snapped. The comic has this pretty light but the trap itself dug in pretty hard, I was bleeding pretty badly and freaking out. With my parents giving the reaction above, once the trap was off, I got brought into their room to remove the dead skin/stop the bleeding before being yelled at some more for crying. Subsequently I was grounded for awhile since physical punishment was off the table. Outside of what's shown here I have instances of being tricked into drinking alcohol, shocked by what I believed to be off electronics, various toys given away while still in use, and not 1, not 2, but 3 pets given away when it was very very clear both me and my sister loved them. It if was a distraction from doing what they wanted, it went away unless they also wanted it.
That was from Kindergarten up through 5th grade. There is more to it that I'll hit on later but around this time I really started to giving up on a lot of stuff. In particular I became really isolated through middle and high school. Where I didn't really hang out with anyone or leave my home except for school.
Also fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck me I didn't think I'd start shaking while writing that out, I feel really weird now.
Onto the comic aspects. This one is pretty long, I dunno if all memory segments will work this way though? It was certainly easy to string the events together lol. Other events link together kinda as well but I dunno how I can show some of them yet. Do plan to keep them static and unanimated though to present them as different and separate from the main comic. Also came close to actually drawing parents/sister, but its pretty hard to want to draw any of them. My sister might get hit on later but I'm not too sure. Feels weird to do it without her permission.
As for the glitchy effect around me. It felt appropriate, memories are locked off and my whole feeling that I don't really belong anywhere. In particular for these I regret a lot of stuff I should have noticed and feel like a fuck up.
Yap.
These are some of the things that I remember really vividly, spankings/beatings were a regular thing. If anything seemed broken us kids would get blamed for it even if we weren't around. We'd "have to have played with it" and each adult had a different thing for it. Dad would sit us in his room in the dark while he pretended to go chose a belt, while always picking the one with the metal buckle on it. An hits would vary depending on how mad he was. I remember fainting once from how long it went on when he slipped up and hit me in the back. When I woke up he was over me freaking out, but when he saw I was ok he just got back onto me for what broke. Mom would make us pick sticks out from the yard, take too long and she'd use dad's belt instead, same for if we picked a smooth or "wimpy" stick. The principle of our school funnily enough was a mercy. Since it was just a regular wooden paddle.
A lot of that stopped when CPS came, I still dunno how they knew they were coming but I was told to cover up a lot before school the next day cause it'd be really cold and to not take off my gloves. Along with the "going to a place for bad kids" if I ever brought up stuff. An then the next day at school they pulled both me and my sister out of classes to talk to us separately. I was talked to by 2 ladies bout stuff at home, and not knowing better I just did what my parents said. Still a lot of the hitting stopped for awhile till I got older.
However they did put us in compromising scenarios like the mouse trap bit. Which went just as you see in the comic, my sister went first and they let her do it just fine. When it came to my turn somewhere through the way they threw a tennis ball at a trap. An it set off other traps. An one jumped right onto my knee when it snapped. The comic has this pretty light but the trap itself dug in pretty hard, I was bleeding pretty badly and freaking out. With my parents giving the reaction above, once the trap was off, I got brought into their room to remove the dead skin/stop the bleeding before being yelled at some more for crying. Subsequently I was grounded for awhile since physical punishment was off the table. Outside of what's shown here I have instances of being tricked into drinking alcohol, shocked by what I believed to be off electronics, various toys given away while still in use, and not 1, not 2, but 3 pets given away when it was very very clear both me and my sister loved them. It if was a distraction from doing what they wanted, it went away unless they also wanted it.
That was from Kindergarten up through 5th grade. There is more to it that I'll hit on later but around this time I really started to giving up on a lot of stuff. In particular I became really isolated through middle and high school. Where I didn't really hang out with anyone or leave my home except for school.
Also fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck me I didn't think I'd start shaking while writing that out, I feel really weird now.
Onto the comic aspects. This one is pretty long, I dunno if all memory segments will work this way though? It was certainly easy to string the events together lol. Other events link together kinda as well but I dunno how I can show some of them yet. Do plan to keep them static and unanimated though to present them as different and separate from the main comic. Also came close to actually drawing parents/sister, but its pretty hard to want to draw any of them. My sister might get hit on later but I'm not too sure. Feels weird to do it without her permission.
As for the glitchy effect around me. It felt appropriate, memories are locked off and my whole feeling that I don't really belong anywhere. In particular for these I regret a lot of stuff I should have noticed and feel like a fuck up.
Yap.
Category Artwork (Digital) / Comics
Species Pokemon
Size 2000 x 10000px
File Size 6 MB
Listed in Folders
I don't know what to say in all honesty
I want to write something about me being empathetic or my disorders making my relatively safe childhood seem as such but I just don't feel like anything I say is going to be appropriate
I'd always ask for this kind of stuff in the hopes that maybe true abuse would somehow put my sensitivity into perspective, that somehow genuinely being hurt would make me feel better
Maybe writing this all down will help me remember to bring it up with my therapist so I can better process them myself, I mean I did want to say a lot of things that my mom doesn't know about to her since I just don't trust her even though nothing truly abusive has ever happened
Sorry if my text dump seems attention grabbing or belittling, I just feel a lot of things, exacerbated by the fact that all of this really happened and this isn't just some dark storytelling
I want to write something about me being empathetic or my disorders making my relatively safe childhood seem as such but I just don't feel like anything I say is going to be appropriate
I'd always ask for this kind of stuff in the hopes that maybe true abuse would somehow put my sensitivity into perspective, that somehow genuinely being hurt would make me feel better
Maybe writing this all down will help me remember to bring it up with my therapist so I can better process them myself, I mean I did want to say a lot of things that my mom doesn't know about to her since I just don't trust her even though nothing truly abusive has ever happened
Sorry if my text dump seems attention grabbing or belittling, I just feel a lot of things, exacerbated by the fact that all of this really happened and this isn't just some dark storytelling
When you were older, did you ever get some sort of revenge on their abuse? If I found out a friend of mine got abused in this way, well let's just say I'd be tempted to reciprocate the "punishments" on them somehow... Even if it isn't quite right... What they did to you is even more-not-right...
No, it actually came up once before. My dad spoke to me about wanting to get revenge against his own dad and beat the shit out of him. But by the time he could his dad was frail and an old man so it wouldn't have been worth it. Now my own dad has passed and my mom slowly going down the dementia road. So I don't really want to maliciously attack them when they probably can't even remember.
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