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This is probably the saddest art i've never done on FA. First of all, don't worry, i'm fine. I had to express through this way my main fears and anxieties i have since 8 months now.
So, earlier in the year, during my second year at university and covid crisis, i had experienced the worst breakdown of my life. Isolation combined to the loss of any kind of references leaded to a major breakdown, i had dark thoughts about death, my familly, futures, and my life. Have i chose the right way? Can i live alone? Could i live without my family, after their death? Could i support that, could i support my death?
All these questions, they seriously put me down. When i think to the future, i feel sad, lost and i feel fear, i don't know who i am anymore. This happened 8 months ago, and this is only now that i understand how to imagine it, how to express and throw it out of my mind.
So what are the means of this picture? You can see, Headline (so me) feeling sad, lost and crying inside a room full of mirrors. Mirrors represent my own thinking about me, or things related to me, so they go away, and come back. Far away you see the black color, which represents my mind's time barrier, i can't think beyond this limit or my mind would go down again, it's a short future.
Why have i written "futures"? It's because as a scientist, i know that parallel universes can exist, with many versions of us, so i've always been thinking myself into these alternate universes, in worst or better situations, like not having parents or succeeding at everything. But this makes me feeling sad everytime.
But a few days ago, i took a decision to change my entire life. I'm not the same person anymore, i try to better, to find the best method to work with, those which make me feeling happy like when i was a child. And also, i've finally found a balance between my furry contents, and my non furry ones, even if i'm not ready yet to fuse both.^^
Oh and why headless? I don't know why, but when i'm feeling like this, thinking that someone is holding my head, or that i'm holding someone else head like this conforts me.
Again, i want to apology for this one, i had to make it and keep in mind that this is a representation of the "old me". Everything is okay now. :)
So, earlier in the year, during my second year at university and covid crisis, i had experienced the worst breakdown of my life. Isolation combined to the loss of any kind of references leaded to a major breakdown, i had dark thoughts about death, my familly, futures, and my life. Have i chose the right way? Can i live alone? Could i live without my family, after their death? Could i support that, could i support my death?
All these questions, they seriously put me down. When i think to the future, i feel sad, lost and i feel fear, i don't know who i am anymore. This happened 8 months ago, and this is only now that i understand how to imagine it, how to express and throw it out of my mind.
So what are the means of this picture? You can see, Headline (so me) feeling sad, lost and crying inside a room full of mirrors. Mirrors represent my own thinking about me, or things related to me, so they go away, and come back. Far away you see the black color, which represents my mind's time barrier, i can't think beyond this limit or my mind would go down again, it's a short future.
Why have i written "futures"? It's because as a scientist, i know that parallel universes can exist, with many versions of us, so i've always been thinking myself into these alternate universes, in worst or better situations, like not having parents or succeeding at everything. But this makes me feeling sad everytime.
But a few days ago, i took a decision to change my entire life. I'm not the same person anymore, i try to better, to find the best method to work with, those which make me feeling happy like when i was a child. And also, i've finally found a balance between my furry contents, and my non furry ones, even if i'm not ready yet to fuse both.^^
Oh and why headless? I don't know why, but when i'm feeling like this, thinking that someone is holding my head, or that i'm holding someone else head like this conforts me.
Again, i want to apology for this one, i had to make it and keep in mind that this is a representation of the "old me". Everything is okay now. :)
Category Artwork (Digital) / All
Species Housecat
Size 1280 x 1280px
File Size 286.2 kB
I’m a college student, I too am affected by the pandemic.
I would have passed last year, but the lockdown has prevented me from progressing at my preferred pace.
As of now, I’m resitting the year and hoping to pass this time.
If you ever feel down, stressed or worried, notify me and I’ll be there for you.
I would have passed last year, but the lockdown has prevented me from progressing at my preferred pace.
As of now, I’m resitting the year and hoping to pass this time.
If you ever feel down, stressed or worried, notify me and I’ll be there for you.
I'm glad you're okay, now but I wish your fears were alleviated back then. Seriously, those are hard questions to face, and I am not strong enough to think about those types of things; that's why I try my best to ignore them. You got time Xhhy, and even though I might not know you in real life, I feel like you've been making the right decisions this far, because I think you're a smart, awesome person.
On top of that, what a wonderful piece you created here. I can definitely feel the mood with the mirrors, the alternate realities, and how it gets darker as you go in the distance. I'm amazed at how I can't figure out how you managed to create this repeated effect with the mirrors.
On top of that, what a wonderful piece you created here. I can definitely feel the mood with the mirrors, the alternate realities, and how it gets darker as you go in the distance. I'm amazed at how I can't figure out how you managed to create this repeated effect with the mirrors.
Very hard questions, and first i tried to ignore them, but i couldn't forget them or think about something else, they were still in the background. I hope you'll not have to face this too but if this happens, i would do my best to help you. Even if the irony is that without this i would probably never became an official furry, i mean i was searching myself at this time.^^ And you're smart and awesome, you're stronger thanks you can expect.
Ans thanks!! ^^ To be honest it was easy. I've created a simple mirror shader applied to a wall. Then i've built some kind of a mirror labyrinth. Tho i had to increase light bounces up to 32 because else there was only one reflection step^^.
I know that this picture is really sad. I needed to make it since realized its mean un a dream. And for the first time, i've manager to make a pose i've always wanted to do, i wish i could hold my head like this if i was Headline ^^
Ans thanks!! ^^ To be honest it was easy. I've created a simple mirror shader applied to a wall. Then i've built some kind of a mirror labyrinth. Tho i had to increase light bounces up to 32 because else there was only one reflection step^^.
I know that this picture is really sad. I needed to make it since realized its mean un a dream. And for the first time, i've manager to make a pose i've always wanted to do, i wish i could hold my head like this if i was Headline ^^
It sounds like you've been going through a lot. I'm glad you feel comfortable sharing it through art like this. It looks really nice and you've clearly put a lot of thought into it.
Just know that I'm always down to chat and we're all here for you, and I'm glad you've made that recent life-changing decision. I hope you feel better soon. You're a friend! :)
Just know that I'm always down to chat and we're all here for you, and I'm glad you've made that recent life-changing decision. I hope you feel better soon. You're a friend! :)
I already feel better thank you, That's really kind^^ you're a friend too, and I'm so happy we're talking,^^ i know I'm not the best for, but if you in need I'm here too :). Tho if i don't send messages, it's just because I'm afraid to dusturb people, and sometimes idk what to talk about ^^'
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