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My first attempt at a story. It was for an english class and I got a pretty good grade on it so it should be interesting to most :). It's kind of long but if you stick it through until the end, it'll be worth it.
Soundtrack for the ending --> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-18grfNlKY
Soundtrack for the ending --> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-18grfNlKY
Category Story / Human
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 54.5 kB
hmm i'm really not sure, i just posted this today and your the first comment i've had, other times i've posted this and the comments usually come within the first day, once it's gone past its "premier" people really dont notice it, unless you advertise it or have lots of watchers lol
I like it, but one thing bugs me.
Frankly, the lack of commas in the dialogue.
I like commas, they are probably the best form of punctuating, and if you added some into the dialogue, it would make it ten times better. (Because it is kinda lifeless and emotionless as far as I've read.
But it's a small thing that can be easily fixed, if you decide to listen to a guy obsessed with,
Commas.
Frankly, the lack of commas in the dialogue.
I like commas, they are probably the best form of punctuating, and if you added some into the dialogue, it would make it ten times better. (Because it is kinda lifeless and emotionless as far as I've read.
But it's a small thing that can be easily fixed, if you decide to listen to a guy obsessed with,
Commas.
Also.
The ending deserves it's soundtrack:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-18grfNlKY
I've noticed that the background hisses kinda sound as if someone was working metal (cooling it) or adjusting a blowtorches flame intensity.
The ending deserves it's soundtrack:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-18grfNlKY
I've noticed that the background hisses kinda sound as if someone was working metal (cooling it) or adjusting a blowtorches flame intensity.
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