For shcool work it is questionable to critique due to the rhetorical purpose of the assignment assigned by your teacher being unknown. You have good concepts and have taken some thought to this worlds depth and are going for a always promising dying earth archetype. An opening is an important thing as it is supposed to hook the readers attentions. Yet, the work is all driven by dialogue. Description and detail are what bring the scene to life for an audience, this is lost among your dialogue along with your characterization. Unless the piece is prescribed to be dialogue based much is lost from the work. The use of emoticons to convey emotion, unles assigned by your instructor does not convey proper technique in expressing emotion which needs to be applied through depth of character and detail/description. Beyond that though, good luck with the rest.

yeah, i was attempting a different style of writing that was text heavy. so it was a little tricky ^^;;