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![Feelings... [CW: self-harm, suicidal ideation]](http://d.furaffinity.net/art/mcflyhusky/1632995121/1632995121.mcflyhusky_0630cba0-131d-4076-baf4-008f2f04c8db_jpeg.jpg "Click to change the View")
Illustration of what hearing my deadname does to my brain.
I've gotten better at bottling these feelings up into a mass of self-harming aflictions that I can carry around with me wherever I go so if things are just too good or overly happy I can drag them out an absolutely ruin everything.
[that's sarcasm. having to hear that name and use it for my driver's license and all sorts of 'official' garbage i don't even want to participate in, and so on makes me rather stay in bed and sleep all the time instead of enjoying my life, which is what i ACTUALLY want to do.]
kill me, please. the dark empty void is better than the life i've been forced to live in this dump. i haven't felt like me in over a year. i put my faith in a fox's promises and it feels like i've been betrayed. dumped back in the life i ran away from, abusive parents and unhinged sibling, trapped, deliberately misunderstood. clearly abandoned by everyone i ever loved. the only thing i want is for this swirling torrent of pain and misery to end. i wish to die. today. right now.
I've gotten better at bottling these feelings up into a mass of self-harming aflictions that I can carry around with me wherever I go so if things are just too good or overly happy I can drag them out an absolutely ruin everything.
[that's sarcasm. having to hear that name and use it for my driver's license and all sorts of 'official' garbage i don't even want to participate in, and so on makes me rather stay in bed and sleep all the time instead of enjoying my life, which is what i ACTUALLY want to do.]
kill me, please. the dark empty void is better than the life i've been forced to live in this dump. i haven't felt like me in over a year. i put my faith in a fox's promises and it feels like i've been betrayed. dumped back in the life i ran away from, abusive parents and unhinged sibling, trapped, deliberately misunderstood. clearly abandoned by everyone i ever loved. the only thing i want is for this swirling torrent of pain and misery to end. i wish to die. today. right now.
Category Artwork (Traditional) / Still Life
Species Snow Leopard
Size 1280 x 960px
File Size 275 kB
you know, i get that a lot. and it always sounds like a whole lot of "sucks to be you" horseshit. it would have been a much nicer thought if instead of leaving that dollar store greeting card of a comment you didn't say anything.
you could at least TRY to imagine, to TRY to grow some fucking empathy. I don't give a shit what that little green idiot from star wars says about trying and doing. if you don't ever even TRY than you'll NEVER do.
why am i even writing this to you, you don't even care enough to change your avatar from the blank default. prolly just here to horde porn or some shit. all the more reason to not leave stupid comments like this.
you could at least TRY to imagine, to TRY to grow some fucking empathy. I don't give a shit what that little green idiot from star wars says about trying and doing. if you don't ever even TRY than you'll NEVER do.
why am i even writing this to you, you don't even care enough to change your avatar from the blank default. prolly just here to horde porn or some shit. all the more reason to not leave stupid comments like this.
I apologize if that came out as callous. I'm not trans myself and I don't have a frame of reference for what being deadnamed is like, but I imagine it's horrible and painful. I feel a ton for you right now, you deserve to feel comfortable and happy in your own skin, and it's awful that others don't feel the same.
hey, thanks for following up. Appology accepted. I'm sorry if i came off harsh, its been a hell of a day here and its only barely half-past noon. not how i like to be.
Life will be so much better with a little understanding and empathy. From my experience, its not so much the deadnaming (even i've been guilty of deadname- and deadpronouning my own friends at first) but the insistance of some bigots to reject our feelings to instead insert their feelings as the only ones that matter.
("it makes me uncomfortable to call you she/preferred name because i'm old" yeah, it makes me uncomfortable to be called he/deadname after all the trauma i've associated with that persona but sure go off about how being old gives you a free pass to not care how you treat others)
its as frustrating as it is hurtful. makes me feel powerless, even after all the courage and strength i've had to prove to myself just to free myself from the cage of denial.
thankfully, i'm having this conversation with you instead of someone like that.
i apreciate you. never stop learning, you'll be glad you made the choice. and hey, note me a ref sheet or description of your fursona and i'll make ya an avatar if you like. i've got an app that can make pictures fit the silly 100x100 size limit FA's got.
Life will be so much better with a little understanding and empathy. From my experience, its not so much the deadnaming (even i've been guilty of deadname- and deadpronouning my own friends at first) but the insistance of some bigots to reject our feelings to instead insert their feelings as the only ones that matter.
("it makes me uncomfortable to call you she/preferred name because i'm old" yeah, it makes me uncomfortable to be called he/deadname after all the trauma i've associated with that persona but sure go off about how being old gives you a free pass to not care how you treat others)
its as frustrating as it is hurtful. makes me feel powerless, even after all the courage and strength i've had to prove to myself just to free myself from the cage of denial.
thankfully, i'm having this conversation with you instead of someone like that.
i apreciate you. never stop learning, you'll be glad you made the choice. and hey, note me a ref sheet or description of your fursona and i'll make ya an avatar if you like. i've got an app that can make pictures fit the silly 100x100 size limit FA's got.
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