Chapter 18
Prism Mountain"I spy something... green."
"Jamie, we're in a forest."
I giggle. "Fair enough. Okay, it starts with F."
"Hmm... Is it... ffffffriend?"
"No, but good guess. It's fern."
"What's a fern?"
"It's this leafy thing over here. Shouldn't you know about plants and stuff?"
"I'm a grass-type, not a... plant scientist."
"Botanist."
"Yeah that. My turn! Hmm, I spy something that starts with... oh, P!" Snivy suddenly runs deeper into the forest.
"P? Hey, wait up!" I chase after them, and the trees start thinning out. "What are you... oh. Oh, P!" As we leave the dense forest, I finally see how close we've gotten to our destination. And by that, I mean Prism Mountain is right in front of us! It stands tall, towering above us with colossal majesty. The mountainside is cloaked in trees that I swear I can see shifting, and the aura of the dungeon fills the air. One final climb before our ultimate goal.
"Race you to the top!" Snivy sprints up the mountain path, and I follow. I've never seen a mountain up close before, much less climbed one. It's beautiful, and the aura feels different than other dungeons. It feels... grand, and powerful. I have no doubt that this is where the Guardians' Gate is hidden.
Our race takes us into the trees, limiting our vision. Soon, we run out of breath and stop for a break. I look around, taking in the forest around us, and I spot some peculiar vines. Rather than the green of the other plants, they're spiraled with colors, and they have equally colorful berries growing from them.
"Hey Snivy, check these out."
"Whoa, what are these?"
"That's what I wanna know. You're a grass-type, can you tell anything about them?"
"I'm not a botanist Jamie. But actually..." Snivy runs their hand over the vine. "It feels kinda off. You know that feeling when you're in water? Like you're in your element?"
"Yeah. You get that too?"
"Yup, with plants. But this feels... weak. Like it's not very... grassy. Anyway," Snivy plucks a red berry from the vine, "what do you think these taste like?"
"Uh, are you sure you should eat that?"
"Of course I'm sure! They're berries, you're obviously supposed to eat them." Snivy tosses the red berry into their mouth. A single, silent second passes, then Snivy suddenly covers their mouth before letting out a mighty burp of flames, strong enough to rival a Charizard! Unfortunately, Snivy looks more panicked than impressed. "Mudkip I don't think we're supposed to eat them!"
I take a closer look at the berries, my intuition kicking in. "Actually, maybe we are. I think the colors-"
I'm interrupted by a growl, followed by an adorably tiny roar as a Cubchoo charges toward us. Snivy jumps in to attack, but a blast of ice breath from the Cubchoo makes them leap back with a yelp.
I shoot a water gun, and land a direct hit! But the Cubchoo shrugs it off and strikes back, landing a scratch on my face. I counter with a head butt, knocking it away.
I prepare to follow up with a water gun, but Snivy suddenly tackles me to the side, just before a pink beam strikes where I was standing; a Spoink had snuck up from behind!
Cubchoo throws another ice breath attack at us, but I shield Snivy from it, shrugging off the cold. "I'll handle the Cubchoo, you fight the Spoink!"
The Cubchoo lunges forward for another scratch, but I sidestep it and counter with a tackle. But the Cubchoo just gets right back up. I need to land a decisive blow, or this fight will take forever. But none of my moves are effective... Wait, the berries!
I disengage and head for the vines, but I can't find any red berries like the one Snivy ate. But I do spot a dark brown berry. I hope my intuition is right. I eat the berry and turn around to find the Cubchoo charging toward me. Suddenly, I feel something weird in my throat, and I open my mouth and watch a rock fly out and smack the Cubchoo right in the face! It falls to the ground and evaporates. Thank you, magical mystery dungeon intuition!
Meanwhile, Snivy struggles against the Spoink, dodging psybeams and headbutts. I scan the vine and find a berry black as night, and I pluck it. "Snivy, catch!" I say before tossing it to Snivy.
With impressive reactions, Snivy catches the berry and hesitates only a moment before eating it. A second later, they spit a ball of dark energy at Spoink, sending it flying before it crashes and evaporates!
"Whoa, that was awesome!" Snivy cheers. "What's the deal with these berries?"
"When you eat them, they make you spit out whatever type they are, like fire or dark."
"Cool! Anyway, those were some weird pokemon; ice and psychic seem pretty off-theme for a mountain forest."
"I guess this place is a rainbow of types, just like these vines."
"Hey, that explains why they didn't feel very grassy. I wonder what's at the summit..."
"Let's find out then. Onward to adventure, right?"
"Heck yeah! Team Playmates, forward march!"
Our climb up the mountain continues. With the constant upward slope, we take breaks more frequently; I never did much hiking as a human, and it seems like my inexperience carried over. It's pretty smooth sailing, but eventually, we reach a roadblock.
"... and when I shot an ICE BEAM at the Dratini? That was awesome!" Snivy says.
"Yeah, that was a pretty cool way to end the fight. Huh?" Our path is suddenly blocked by an insurmountable obstacle. A puzzle? A platforming challenge? A powerful pokemon? Nope. Just a big, looming cliff, towering above us.
I get to work looking for a way up. It's steep and flat, with no obvious footholds. Not much around except trees and more berry vines.
"Hmm... Hey Jamie?" Snivy says.
"Hang on, I think I'm figuring it out..." Maybe we can climb the trees? They look tall enough. But the branches at the top look pretty weak. Maybe we could... use the vines to help... somehow?
"Jamie?"
"Just a sec, I've almost got it..." Okay, so we could secure the vines around the branches and- no, they'd still break from that. Come on, there's got to be something we can-
Suddenly, I hear pressurized air blowing, and feel wind at my feet. I turn around to find Snivy hovering upside down, blowing air at the ground to stay aloft. Somehow. After a few seconds, they fall to the ground with an "Oof".
"Whoa, Snivy, are you okay? How did you do that?"
Snivy gets up, unharmed, and walks over to a vine. "Well, I found all these berries here, and I thought they might help. So I experimented."
Rather than being rainbow-colored, the vine is a solid sky blue, and the berries are the same. "Are these... flying-type?"
"That was my guess. And I think I'm onto something!" Snivy grabs another berry and runs over to the cliff. They eat the berry, do a handstand, and blow air downward, pushing themself upward like a rocket. They ascend higher and higher, before losing control and crashing. "See? It works!"
"'Works' is a strong word, but it looks possible." Our method found, we start making attempts, trying to rise to the top of the cliff without losing control and flying off course. It's harder than it looks, and we crash a lot. Good thing pokemon are so durable. It might have been faster just to backtrack and find a different route, but flying is fun!
Eventually, Snivy makes it to the top, leaving just me. I eat my berry, do a handstand (foreleg stand?), and lift off! I need to stay straight in the air; any wobbling could send me off course and into the ground. With all my practice, I manage to keep still, correcting any wobbles before it's too late. But by the time I'm half way up, I start getting dizzy; I can't breathe while blowing air, after all. I do my best and keep going a little longer, but I lose my balance and start tipping-
Something grabs my ankle. "Gotcha!" Snivy says, and I find myself dangling from Snivy's vine. "You okay down there, partner?"
"Yeah, thanks." I relax as Snivy slowly pulls me up, taking the opportunity to catch my breath.
"Whew. I'm ready for a snack break after all that."
"Same. As fun as these berries are, I'd like to eat some non-magical food too."
"Oh hey, check that out!" Snivy runs off, and I follow them to a break in the wall of trees. The trees have been blocking our view this whole time, but now... I'm speechless.
We're so high up! The world below us looks so small! It's incredible! And we climbed all this way... "Wow..."
"Double wow. I can't believe how far we've come... Hey Mudkip, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"That this would be an awesome view for our picnic?"
"Bingo!"
Thanks for reading! Comments, questions, and critiques are encouraged and appreciated!
Category Story / Pokemon
Species Pokemon
Size 120 x 106px
File Size 126.1 kB
Listed in Folders
In my opinion, I think the story of your novel progresses too fast, which gives me a feeling of urgency (and some clues in the short are not connected to main. For example, how snivy's hobby in painting developed? ) but personaly, I think these deficiencies can be made up by some extra additional shorts and spin-off.
Besides, there are few characters except Snivy in the novel (only Treecko and Sceptile are involved). I understand that is to avoid the plot being too divergent to affect the main line, but I personally feel that shaping some minor characters is also a way to polish the work. If there are too few minor characters in the work, it will give a dry feeling.
Thanks for your feedback, I appreciate that you're trying to help me write better! I wrote Childish Harmony to tell a story about Jamie and Snivy, and I think having more characters would distract from that, not help. I want Jamie and Snivy to have lots of time alone to interact with each other and develop their relationship, so I intentionally chose to have very few minor characters. Even if that makes the story less entertaining, it's worth it to tell the story I want to tell.
Thanks for your feedback, I appreciate that you're trying to help me write better! The shorts/spin-offs aren't connected to the main story, I just wrote those for fun, sorry for not making that clear. I don't know how I could slow the story down any more; I feel like I developed everything enough, and I wrote calm chapters between the dungeons. What made it feel urgent?
Let me put this clear: too many catharsis points and twists you set up after Chapter 13 (should that be the word? I don't know), which makes the plot of the second half of the story is too cloy, and first half is too dry. The catharsis points and twists that creates in your story are chapters 13,15 and 16,19 and 20 (though chapter 20 is not written yet). And to compare, the previous stories are: chapters 9, 13 and 16, 20, 22 and 25, 26 and 30, and finally chapter 31.
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