This hurts my heart.

=( Im so very sorry you've gone through all this Sif. I wish I could offer you more than a small msg over the internet. I do seriously hope getting this out like this brings at least some closure to you

God. I can’t imagine having to go through that... I sincerely hope that you eventually never have to deal with this crap again. I just wish I could do something to help you.

So this is why you don't like nsfw despite drawing it... I never knew

Thank you for having the courage to put this out here and help others. Really hurts to hear it happened to you and hopefully it helps others not fall into the same situation. I hope letting it out helps, that it's much easier for you to feel loved for real and smile for real. <3

Reading theough this is all is heart breaking...im glad you told about it cause it raises more awareness how big of an issue this is. I do hope this helped out with coping and getting some closure

Goddamn, this is even worse than I imagined.

Please take all the time you need and rest, doesn't matter how much, I support ya.

That last paragraph right there. In my years here to say I've noted that part the most... and how easy this kinda stuff can happen, does happen and then is swept under the rug, cause so many are wiling to hug box for there chance.

Those people who made you feel like you had to draw NSFW are horrible people.

I hope this type of therapy works out well for you. No one should have to go through what you did.

call me weird but I find it pretty inspirational to see one speaking out... It may seem counterintuitive seeing the pain on display but to me it marks the will to move on and such and thereby seems hopeful.

So thanks for finding the strength to speak up.

Honestly the last line hits home so hard. Honestly hate it so much.

I wish I had more to say... But all I can say is that, you are a strong person to be able to make it through all this... and I'm sorry you had to go through it. No one deserves this kind of treatment...

3 more pages to come...
I've read everything so far and I feel deep sympathy.
I'm sorry for what you and many many others have to go through.
I can't understand how some people can be this horrible just for their own gain, for their own curiosity, without taking other peoples emotions into account. They just don't seem to care. And it is best to stay away from such people as soon as red flags show. But of course, being young means, being especially defensless against such people.. sigh...
Now hey society, why is this not being taught at school at young age? How to avoid people who want to take advantage of you. On the other hand, it may give all these children trust issues...
Twisted world.
Well I'm happy that you can finally live with a partner who understands you now and who is ready to sacrifice things for your wellbeing as much as you are ready to sacrifice for him in return, since this is what love is about, to care for each other. And that you have pets and an own house and all! And I wish you the best things that everything keeps being happy for a loooong time now >w<.

That last part really hit close to home, im so sorry this all happened to you, this is terrible :( this fandom has a lot of problems so good on you for speaking up.

A friend of your enemy is your enemy too. At least that's the stance I'd take, but I don't know the nuances of your circle, so it may not be valid. The whole porn drawing thing is somewhat relatable, but my primary reason was never income or sating any urges. I see it primarily as a mental reset. After a day of being a serious adult in a serious office, I want to have that slight "not normal" in my day to balance things out.

Regardless, I watch you not for porn but for the quality of what you do.

"A friend of your enemy is your enemy too." That depends like you said, in general I disagree with this sentence, here is why:
I had a situation before between me and a guy (Gonna call him "J"), there were some events and we stopped being friends, we kind of became enemies, we were both part of the same circle of friends, "J" just asked to them: "Why are you still hanging out with him?" Referring to me, our mutual friend simply said, "What happened between the two of you is none of our business, I'm your friend, and his friend too, no matter who's right."

It's a situation where you would have to choose one side, no matter which side you choose, the other will feel bad about being excluded from the circle of friends and will feel even more angry at the rival, so in my view, demanding that others stay away from your enemy is not the right thing to do, and may even seem like a selfish attitude, let them judge and decide for themselves the right thing to do.
I knew he would look bad too for being excluded, so I never even mentioned anything similar, and I had no right to demand such a thing either.

Imagine my situation if they had listened to "J" and excluded me from the group? Just to sum up, the situation was that I was suing him for humiliating me, but I changed my mind later because it wasn't worthy in the end.

I'm only exposing my point of view after having almost experienced something like that, luckily my friends thought the same way I did, and at the end of it, me and "J" got back to being friends (Around 2 years later).
(Edit: It's even relieved to talk about it, I don't know, I think there are still scars from these events)

I did mention that nuances of the circle of friends may make that approach not valid, but whatever your story is, it doesn't seem as bad as someone siding with a groomer? Like if you all got back together it seemed to be not as big of an issue. I had the "friend of your enemy is your enemy" used on me way too many times, even in very small circumstances - I've had an argument with a friend, a pretty big argument about having a job and being a member of society instead of fucking around (not literally) and living off of welfare in another country with public healthcare. Our mutual who had no stakes in the argument sided with the other person and blocked me on all social medias and IM services because they felt hurt by the argument that had literally nothing to do with them. I don't hold a grudge. It showed me that I was not welcome in the end (something I suspected) and I don't feel I've lost anything.

I haven’t commented on those pages now until this one. This here, is beyond disgusting to those who are called ‘friends’ of yours. Those who use your mental health to use you as their own or to preach their status above your actual feelings are people I do not give them the chance. My word, and it’s still happening til this day. I’m…truly sorry that this tyranny lifestyle overtook your actual way of living. An abusive relationship like this shouldn’t even exist, no not even imaginative. As for the art itself, I hate that you had to force yourself to enjoy it, no one shouldn’t do such even if it was for income. Drawing what you enjoy is the reason why continuing it inspires your future endeavors, even helps the mental health. Really though, I’m glad currently at least you’re in a better spot with finding some closure. But, Damn, I hope you never EVER have to go through anything like this ever again. I’ll be sure to share this with a few friends of my own, they’ll definitely think twice that’s for sure.

Pornography has to have some sense of meaning for me to commission it. A scene with some sort of lore. It definitely was driven by lust and libido in my early years, and still is at times. The important thing is being able to detach from your artwork/characters and live a normal life without having this fandom interfere. Likely the hardest part for someone like yourself.

I can't say I have ever been groomed, though I know one friend who was and the residual effects of having been... convinced they were in love at such a young age truly shook them to the core. They're one of my closest friends.

I can't begin to understand how that has to feel, though I genuinely hope you are in a better place now. As someone who has also attempted suicide and is thankful I failed, I'm thankful you found the strength to continue onward and stick around for the better.

The last part about how sexuality is normalized is pretty true. People are definitely entitled when it comes to their pornography, really ruins the mood at times.

Ive read your story on Twitter when it was initially posted but i have to commend your on your bravery for going out and making these pages. I really hope they are helping you.

I find this series both cute, informing and quite common amongst the lot

I think they meant fir the bean sify pics.

Yeah the irony of how things within the fandom seem cute and innocent where you least expect it while the cuteness is mostly a clean vaneer where unsuspecting ones get sucked into a whole other world. Its like... I've always found content here is like... A cocktail or mixed drink with a lot more alcohol in it. Its innocently sweet like for kids but in reality its not really x3

But yeah from an art perspective I love juxtaposition in works

I feel the same exact way as you do when it comes to NSFW. . .

After reading all of this so far, I dearly wish I could give you a hug and tell you everything will be alright. Alas, I cannot. At least I can say this, those of us fans who care about you are here for you. Do what you have to to heal from this mental and emotional trauma.

I actually dislike people that prioritize “their crotch”, I’ve encountered it quite a bit… most of the time it was this one person that wouldn’t ever take a hint, had forced erotic rp onto others, was obsessed with always wanting to breed others, and I’m even sure I once saw him say he thinks rape is ok…
I’m not sure if he is really a… I guess a “groomer”?… but he acts like he is one

Honestly, if you ever stop drawing NSFW, I’d still throw my wallet at you. Your art is amazing. You are amazing. I know that stuff in the past hurts… believe me I do.. but you’re an amazingly strong person. Thank you for sharing this, even if you didn’t need/want to <3

I may not understand the grooming part, but I do truly understand the various abuse that your family put you through. I've been a long time fan of your art, but I also feel like if you don't like or even want to do NSFW art then don't. Little hurts more than hearing that a lovely artist feels that they have do something they hate doing because its expected of them. You do what you want to do. And thank you for opening up your heart to us, and for wanting to protect us from some very bad people.

I'm sorry you have been through so much hurt. I would have never guessed you had these experiences while I silently lurked and enjoyed your art; particularly the cute and silly.

Some months ago I made a journal to my followers about how I was feeling about some encountered within the fandom/community too, most particularly with people I had befriended or attempted to befriend. There was just so much sex... because I draw it, it felt like people would want to use me as their personal whore. I didn't even understand "boundaries", I just tried to be nice and decidedly uncomfortable with people because I didn't want to come across as a bitch or make them uncomfortable. I wasn't able to make these new friends because all they talked about was sex, and I guess they thought it was all I was about too since I drew it.

Drawing NSFW helped me feel like less of a prude, I felt like I could somehow understand sex better. Income, too, but I am still grateful for this. But I also was able to use it to feel closer to people, but I ended up hurt because I realized sex art was all that was really wanted from me, not a romantic relationship. So I do understand very well the feeling of disgust towards people who prioritize their crotch over the wellbeing of people, using them (even inadvertently or appreciating it) just to get off.. and how normal it seems to be in furry fandom. I am presently very angered by it still...

but! When I made that journal, a lot like the support you are receiving on your submissions, I realized I wasn't alone in feeling these ways, and it helped me a lot to understand my value. It seems like many people have encountered a problem of boundaries here, and they seem to always appreciate it when it is brought up and talked about. I believe this must be the right thing to do <3 maybe it's how you make a difference sometimes, just talking about it so people understand. If enough people talk about it, maybe there can be a new normal?

❤❤❤

I wish I could tell you about this in private but your not taking notes.(which I understand)

But like your story is really opening my eyes up to some trauma in my past that I wasn’t fully aware of. I’m not gonna get into it here because people suck.

But like… I commend you on this and am very thankful that you opened yourself up to tell your story in a community that isn’t that caring. The more I read the more I’m also understanding a part of myself that I didn’t know (or understand).

I hope you’ve doing good nowadays.

Glad to help, and happy to know that

This is heartbreaking to hear. I'm so sorry that it happened to such a nice person

Absolutely heart breaking but it is good to put these thoughts into words and art let them out. And I always followed your work because I liked your style not the subject matter.

This is the page where most of my painful feelings are.

Puta, leer esto me parte el corazón. No se que onda pero es una situación increíblemente común en especial en los círculos de ilustradores/dibujantes/animación. A mi nunca me ha tocado nada tan dramático, no puedo imaginar como debe haber sido para ti :/

Abrazos y galletitas para ti, realmente admiro que puedas expresarlo, en tu situación yo no creo sería capaz :/

(Ps, creo saber de quién hablas pero fuck, se de al menor 3 que más o menos calzan en años/conducta (que deprimente))

I didn’t went through the same things as you did but it was quite close. I had a lot of troubles in that fandom that I even thought quitting it multiples time. Distancing, thinking to suicide which lead to such mistakes along than being degraded, either here and in real life. I agree that I never went through the same things as you did, but trading everything down far, and I even wanted to read at least everything before commenting, made me think, tear up again, feel how helpless I was and how peoples had a good time over me when I just tried my best for them. It helps you cop and it also reassure me that I wasn’t the same in that case as for more than a decade I was blaming and hating myself and still do to this day as I try to work on myself.

I’m really sorry for what you went through and know I’m probably far to have lived what you lived but in your confessions, I recognize myself. I know my words might not matter or whatever but I really hope you’re doing better and you’re safer, you’re a wonderful person and I don’t need a whole life as a friend or contact even though I’m none of that to tell you that you are. I know we’re not the only one who suffered from this but your experience yet made me smiled as you went through it at least in most part. But you can be sure that there will always be someone here for you, I told myself there wasn’t and I was wrong too, making my situation worse on the past. But either way you have my support and thank you for that so far, I never got to put much thoughts in the past about it as I was mostly letting it weight on my shoulders.

With knowing we are not alone and with knowing i may be helping someone, that makes me feel way better.

I'm sorry to hear that, hope everything get better soon.
Regardless of what they say, do what makes you happy, if you don't like drawing NSFW don't do it, your arts are magnificent regardless.

Just a piece of advice, I speak from my own experience, I've lived something similar to this and luckily everything ended well, don't demand that a friend break friendship with others because of your "disagreements" with them, I understand your side, but try to look on your friend's side too, pressuring him to choose sides could make the situation worse, or even lose a friend.

(When I say that I experienced something similar I mean the friendships part, not the history as a whole, and stay away from those who hurt you)

Stay safe and well.
Best regards.

I won't make them choose, i just leave.

really late but what's a cellopath?

This right here...I feel is such a serious, SERIOUS problem in this community. The most terrifying thing is some of these monsters are in fields to "help" the community, like EMT's, firefighters, and policemen... So glad youre speaking up about this.

You can't imagine the amount of people trying to enable these monsters and trying to blame me and even gaslight me for speaking up. And after posting this proyect.

I was "of age" when I was molested by 2 members of this community who were supposed to be my "friends." Then they dissappear and act like nothing happened, or completely normalize the behavior. One of them was my partner/ friend and did it while I was asleep, then his other friend not only ditched me when we broke it off but even had the fucking audacity to hide the fact my partner was cheating on me anyways. THEN telling everyone that it wasn't true, that what I heard and felt and saw was all a lie. I mentally broke as well for a few years, it took a LOT of repair to get back and better than what i was. Even when I said no, so.... SO many times these "things" think its a challenge.

Just mind boggling that they feel there crotch is more important than someone's life/ mental state, for a community that's supposed to be friendly and happy there are many MANY monsters on here and within the community, much more than everyone plays it out to be.

It's bittersweet, but thank you so much for showing this to everyone to see just how bad it can be here, it needed to be called out. You're not alone with this expeirence now you've made me feel less alone about my experience, thank you very much for bringing this up and standing up to these monsters.

I remember reading some other furry's vent about something and it rings true here as well. There's some disgusting mfs that basically just think with their genitals and don't actually give a damn about anyone beyond that. But if you're lucky, you'll find some genuinely good people. I know I've found a few.