The Rise of the Raccoon Queen
Or The Big Grey Fluffy Butt Matter

A Story of Faerie
© 2019 by M. Mitchell Marmel

(Additional characters by E.O. Costello and W.D. Reimer.)
Thumbnail art by  tegerio, color by  Major Matt Mason


Part Twelve.



Ooo-er:

WHEE!

I haven’t had this much fun since my sisters and I made that flume from the Fire-Mountain to the sea. I thought Father would die of shock when he saw it, but he liked it well enough after using it once. The way this cart takes hills reminds me of that, and of cavorting in the waves.

Here comes another – WHEE!

Oh sweet Dodger, where have you been since I got here?

This is almost as much fun as venery while flying. Almost. Oh, sweet mate of my heart, where are you? I don’t know what I’ll do if I can’t feel your fur under my paws . . .

I squinted ahead and grabbed at Tessie’s paw. “Look! There’s the pond! . . . and there it goes,” I said as we flew straight past, jumped the stream that fed the pond, and clattered at high speed down a trail through the forest. “Tessie, why didn’t you stop?” I shouted.

The raccoon turned to look at me, and I saw a serious look on her muzzle that I’d seen before – but not on her. “It draws us onward,” she said in a flat voice. “The missing will not be found at the place they were at.” Tessie suddenly blinked and shook her head violently. “What?” she asked, and the look in her eyes faded.

“The . . . your armor was talking.” I swished my tail, wishing I could swim, but these dryfooters didn’t understand Wetspeak, with all of the nuance and meaning it brought with it. “What’s it telling you?”

Tessie took one paw off the reins and touched her right ear. “The – it’s telling me that we need to find the road,” she said as the ants brought the cart out of the woods and into an area of low, rolling, grassy hills, “and we can’t stop till we find it.”

“Will this road lead us to them?”

Tessie asked, “Well, will it – ow,” and she growled, “It said to stop asking stupid questions, meaning me, I guess.” She looked up, and barely managed to steer Kora and Veyt around a rocky spur that stuck up out of the grass. “It seems to know where the wolfess and Tali might be, though.”

“So we’re just along for the ride,” I said.

“Guess so.” Tessie squinted ahead, using a paw to shade her eyes as the sun went down. “Do you see that?”

I looked. “Rocks? . . . A rock – no, a pillar! It might have an inscription on it!”

“Gotcha,” and Tessie started hauling back on the reins. The cart slowed down and stopped, and the ants started eating the grass. Tessie and I climbed down and looked at the pillar.

“Can you read this?” I asked.

“Hmm. I can only read Standard, but I think the Regalia might help . . . “ She closed her eyes and her lips moved, like she was whispering to someone. She opened her eyes. “Nope, apart from telling me that this,” and she pointed at one symbol, “is the number sixty, and this one is a six.”

I huffed and stamped one foot in frustration. Mistake. “Ow!” I looked down. “There’s rock under here. The grass just grew over it.” We climbed up on the cart and looked around.

Ahead, the way we had been going, was still rolling hills and high grass all the way to the horizon. But at right angles was a level place, running cattywampus-by-north. “Think that’s the way?” I asked.

Tessie frowned and jumped off the cart, and walked a short distance along the path. She came trotting back. “The Regalia didn’t try to stop me,” the raccoon said, “so this has to be the road.” She took up the reins and turned the ants. “So, Route Sixty and Six it is. We’ll need to stop for the night, though, to rest the ants. And us.”

I nodded as we headed up the road, toward the final strip of sunset.


***


Winterbough:

I ran my paw over a disturbed patch of grass by the pond, wishing I knew enough Gramerye to do psychometry. The pond had been pretty easy to find, just follow the path of destruction left by Tessie and Ooo-er. The picnic basket was gone, likely collected by Nippy when she took Tali’s uniform.

The Frogs appeared somewhat agitated, probably from the racket raised by the antless cart that Matt had been driving. They were hopping around and over each other, croaking loudly.

I sat back on my haunches. “Well, they were here. No prizes for what they might have been doing.” I had to raise my voice over the noise. This caused Fred to start laughing knowingly, and the dog was immediately confronted by Michael.

“Hat,” the mink said.

“Mon chapeau, mon capitaine,” Fred replied. He took off his beret and offered it to him.

The mink took the hat, drew a short club from his belt and walloped the dog over the head. “Your chapeau, mon ami.”

Fred took the beret and promptly put it on his head, backwards. “Thank you! And please accept this tableau vivant of my family saying ‘OW!’”

Matt had been waving a small box around, and looking at the box with an accusatory expression as if it was keeping secrets from him. He chuckled at his subordinates’ antics. “Knock it off, you two – “

“I tried to, but his head’s too hard,” the mink said.

Matt rolled his eyes, but otherwise the bear ignored this statement. “Have you two found anything yet?”

Michael shook his head, and Fred cupped a paw behind his ear. “What, Matt?”

“Have you found anything?”

“Found? I found that I can’t hear a damned thing with all these frogs around!” The canine advanced on the Frogs, waving his beret at them in a threatening manner. They stood their ground – er, water – and just got louder. “Oy!” he barked, looking at me. “Can’t you do magic? I’m getting hungry for frog’s legs,” and he ostentatiously licked his chops.

I looked at him, and then looked at the Frogs, my ears swiveling. I waved him back and walked over to where the Frogs were gathered. [“Let two [RAEBEET] stand for the affirmative, and one for a response in the negative, and disclose to me the sweet and pure truth, as all denizens of the Shining Land must, whether you have seen the Queen of Wolves and a feline with black headfur?”]

The Frogs looked at each other, and chorused [RAEBEET-RAEBEET].

I glanced at the trio and said, “They’ve seen them.” To the Frogs I said, [“Pray tell me, therefore, if any of you may know in which direction they were taken.”]

The Frogs promptly went into a huddle before looking skyward and saying [RAEBEET-RAEBEET].

Matt was watching interestedly and nodded as I explained what was going on. The bear stroked his chin and said, “So the Gaps aren’t like a portal, what you might call a Gate.” He stopped suddenly as the water roiled.

A massive Giant Frog broke the surface and bounded out of the water, hitting Fred and knocking him flat. Sitting on top of the unfortunate canine, it blinked at me with huge liquid eyes and stuck out a forepaw. [RAEBEET], it said.

“Get him offa me!”

The Giant Frog flexed and pointed again. [RAEBEET-RAEBEET].

“That way?” I asked.

[RAEBEET-RAEBEET]. It then turned, scuffed its feet on Fred, and hopped slowly back into the pond followed by its smaller brethren. Coated with water, mud and slime, the canine sat up, coughing and loudly cursing while I explained things.

Matt nodded when I finished. “Okay, so we have a general direction, but the sun’s going down. While we could drive throughout the night – “

Fred spit out a bit more mud and asked, “Bivouac here?”

“Yeah, break out the tents and rations.”

“No frog legs?”

“No.”

“Nertz.”


***


Tali:

After Fuma (supposedly) had left, it started getting dark rapidly. The Wolf Queen and I started foraging around for firewood, and we soon had a fire going.

No.

I know what you’re thinking, and no, I did NOT have a box of matches secreted about my person. No, not even there, either. Perverts. The fire was started by the wolfess, who used magic to dry the wood and ignite it. While she was getting that sorted out, I went hunting.

Gotta love feline hunting instincts, sometimes. My bag was two fat feral rabbits, which I skinned and gutted using my claws. Tungsten carbide inlays are quite useful. One of Q Branch's better ideas. No seasonings, but we were hungry and made short work of the rabbits.

I was still worrying a bit of meat from a thighbone and nodded at the fire. “That’s a pretty neat trick.” She looked up at me. “Summoning fire, I mean.”

“It’s a fairly simple cantrip, really. I was taught it as a cub in Artemisiaford.” Mentioning her onetime home caused a melancholy look to cross her muzzle momentarily, but it passed quickly. “I could teach it to you.”

“I doubt it, really. Remember, I’m not from Faerie.”

“Yes, that’s right. So what do you do to start a fire?”

I chuckled. “Well, there are things called matches, small sticks with chemicals on the tips, and there are more complicated ways to do it, like using Girl Scout Water.” I laughed at her puzzled expression, and explained what lighter fluid was. Midway through my description, I yawned. “Sorry.”

“It’s all right. It’s been a very long and busy day,” and she yawned as well. Proves that yawns are contagious here, too. We huddled together for warmth (no, not that. Pervs.) and started to get drowsy. “I’m glad I’m not alone,” she murmured.

“Same here,” I said. “Hey.”

“Yes?”

“Tell me something.”

“What?”

“Your name. Please?”

There was a long silence, and she finally whispered, “No. After everything I’ve been through – being beaten by that cursed roebuck and then h-having Z-Zenobia . . . she raised me, Tali; she was like my mother, and she abandoned me . . . No, it’s still too raw a wound.” I turned over to face her, and wiped away the tear that was sliding down her muzzle. She hugged me.

And on that note, we both fell asleep.

I woke up with the sun in my eyes and the smell of cooking fish in my nose. I rolled over and blinked up at the Wolf Queen as she tended a large, gutted fish spitted over the fire. “Good morning,” she said happily before coming over and squatting down beside me. She rested her paw on my thigh. “Sleep well?”

“So well that I didn’t feel you get up and go fishing,” I chuckled.

She grinned. “New day, new outlook. I guess I was still in shock over Fuma’s visitation last night.” Her gaze faltered. “I never knew who my mother was, and to feel Her – “

The wolfess bent down and kissed me.

And I liked it.

We ended up rolling around, laughing and kissing while the fish cooked. It got a little dry and scorched before we finally sobered up and addressed ourselves to breakfast. Good fish, too; some little fiddly bones, but otherwise very tasty.

I licked my fingers clean and asked, “Want to stay here longer? Or should we go see about that city I spotted?”

She was licking her own fingers. “The city, definitely. The sky looks like rain, and while it’s very Elfly and Long Ago of people to walk about naked in all weathers – “

“All weathers?” I asked with a wink. Hey guys, let’s talk about shrinkage, hm?

The wolfess laughed. “Maybe not all weathers. Elves Don’t Lie, but they can exaggerate. So, what do you think?”

I pointed at the fish carcass. “Where’d you get him from?”

We put the fire out and headed over to a nearby lake that was surrounded by tall, sedge-like grass. I pulled a few stalks and examined it. The Temporal Corps’ survival course actually gives training in this, but it took time to get all the materials together. The Wolf Queen’s magic skills were a great help.

It was midmorning when we set out, wearing grass skirts, cloaks and hats, in the direction of the city that I’d seen. We looked like a pair of ambulatory haystacks. “It’s not very flattering,” I said, “like the stuff you were wearing in that whorehouse, but it’ll do.”

The wolfess goggled at me for only a moment before snapping her fingers. “THAT’s where I saw you before! After Eastness!”

“Yup.” I struck a pose. “I do tend to get around, don’t I?”

Our laughter echoed among the trees as we started walking.





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