The Red dragon was lost where was he he was in Feral form looking around he was on Pandora how could he breath here? "Pandora..... THE BATTLE!" Hissing as pain flare in his shoulder, looking to the gaping hole in his shoulder, a Female Na'vi on his head her voice soft to his frilled ears. "Hello TyberZann." The dragon rolled his eyes even in his hallucinations the Na'vi could not get their names right. "Hello Na'vi if my Dragon fear has not griped you it will you will either be as stiff as a tree, or running away in terror." She giggled confusing the Dragon "Silly Dragon you powers don't work in your mind and it’s hard for one being to scare a world." "A world...... YOU’RE Eywa!" She giggled. "Yes that is what I am called I observed you, your ability to cause fear into living things. I felt it in the creatures that catch sight of you I watch you turn away a herd of Angtsìk (Hammerhead Titanothere) making them run in terror from you..... I saw why you are here your family needed you the most you brave a world that hated you for them." The dragon nodded. "Yes my kind is dying out. I do not know Dragons beyond my little Family.... There will be one less dragon if your Na'vi's arrows poison does the same to me" The Na'vi gracefully slide down to his shoulder "I offer a gift. I do not want you to die here... I will give you new body a new life here."
The dragon was stunned Ewya offer him a mass murderer of life on this world another chance. "If you can miss can I be granted the body of a Great Leonopteryx.... or a Toruk?" She tiled her head "Why?" He smiled "To Fly to a dragon our greatest gift is our wings if I could be anything I want to be something that can fly can soar in the air." She nodded "You will, will be done."
Months later the scientist identified as Norm Spellman making logs those logs are still being transmitted to Earth. One Identified a Toruk that is red and it normally light blue crest and tails a deep purple the Na'vi attack but it was able to fight them off the Na'vi called it once translated ‘The Red Terror’ for how it fight, and the numbers it fought off.
Tyber Flew happy he could Flew free on fresh air again the holes on his chest breathing in the air 'I could never get used to breathing out my chest.' He started out normal Toruk but the power of his Dragon soul change it the colors to match his Dragon form. Hearing a scream looking down he witness a little Na'vi girl running from Viperwolves, he growled 'she has to get to a clearing so I can help her'... As she did get to a place he could swoop down and not get tangle in the trees and vines, he did so his foot crushing one hearing the crunch of bones, leaning down and bit one clearly in half, a third one jumped at him with the talon on his wing he disemboweled it, it's organs spilling out as it rolled on the ground as the other retreated he approach the Na'vi Girl against a Tree, as she looked Fearful in his shadow Toruk meaning 'Last Shadow' and it being the famed 'Red Terror' it was going to eat her as he lean down face to face with her, but as one of the stalks was offer to her the nerve ending wiggle in the spade like tip, as a wood sprite flew slowly by the little girl toke her Queue and they bonded their eyes widen as the two became one he quickly hide his life on earth from her, so she think him just an unusual colored Toruk, as she climbed on she sent a mental picture of home as he flew The little Na'vi grip for life, as he spotted her home landing near it Na'vi gather around arrows pointed but lowered when they saw the Na'vi had made the bond with the fearsome Red Terror, they started to call her 'The Rider of the Red Terror' as a Na'vi walked out that spurred his memories the Toruk let off a Hiss he could not help but think 'Jake Sully the Traitor.'
Artwork by
Keblin
The dragon was stunned Ewya offer him a mass murderer of life on this world another chance. "If you can miss can I be granted the body of a Great Leonopteryx.... or a Toruk?" She tiled her head "Why?" He smiled "To Fly to a dragon our greatest gift is our wings if I could be anything I want to be something that can fly can soar in the air." She nodded "You will, will be done."
Months later the scientist identified as Norm Spellman making logs those logs are still being transmitted to Earth. One Identified a Toruk that is red and it normally light blue crest and tails a deep purple the Na'vi attack but it was able to fight them off the Na'vi called it once translated ‘The Red Terror’ for how it fight, and the numbers it fought off.
Tyber Flew happy he could Flew free on fresh air again the holes on his chest breathing in the air 'I could never get used to breathing out my chest.' He started out normal Toruk but the power of his Dragon soul change it the colors to match his Dragon form. Hearing a scream looking down he witness a little Na'vi girl running from Viperwolves, he growled 'she has to get to a clearing so I can help her'... As she did get to a place he could swoop down and not get tangle in the trees and vines, he did so his foot crushing one hearing the crunch of bones, leaning down and bit one clearly in half, a third one jumped at him with the talon on his wing he disemboweled it, it's organs spilling out as it rolled on the ground as the other retreated he approach the Na'vi Girl against a Tree, as she looked Fearful in his shadow Toruk meaning 'Last Shadow' and it being the famed 'Red Terror' it was going to eat her as he lean down face to face with her, but as one of the stalks was offer to her the nerve ending wiggle in the spade like tip, as a wood sprite flew slowly by the little girl toke her Queue and they bonded their eyes widen as the two became one he quickly hide his life on earth from her, so she think him just an unusual colored Toruk, as she climbed on she sent a mental picture of home as he flew The little Na'vi grip for life, as he spotted her home landing near it Na'vi gather around arrows pointed but lowered when they saw the Na'vi had made the bond with the fearsome Red Terror, they started to call her 'The Rider of the Red Terror' as a Na'vi walked out that spurred his memories the Toruk let off a Hiss he could not help but think 'Jake Sully the Traitor.'
Artwork by
Keblin
Category Artwork (Traditional) / Fantasy
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 750 x 750px
File Size 568.9 kB
It could have been a lot better. Just... trust me on that. When I read a book its not written so... badly. this was, though I got the message I had to look pretty hard for it through a lot of bad grammar and really bad structure.
Hell, I'm thinking of just rewriting it myself.
Hell, I'm thinking of just rewriting it myself.
Yeah, I think I'm going to have to put my two cents in on this one reguardless of my nature.
I believe that your comment is not only rude but unecessary. If you are going to take the time to read it and comment on his writing you should post constructive critisism and not try to troll his work. I also beleive he did a fine job and you are just making an attempt to bring him down. Despite the grammatical errors (which obviously no grammer check could catch) the message is pretty clear and enjoyable, you don't need to act pompus about it.
That is all.
I believe that your comment is not only rude but unecessary. If you are going to take the time to read it and comment on his writing you should post constructive critisism and not try to troll his work. I also beleive he did a fine job and you are just making an attempt to bring him down. Despite the grammatical errors (which obviously no grammer check could catch) the message is pretty clear and enjoyable, you don't need to act pompus about it.
That is all.
I wasn't trying to bring him down, or troll. I actually want to help and see if I can show him what was wrong through IM e-mail or notes. Which I'll probably do tomorrow, seeing as how its already 11 pm here. x.x
Either way, tbh, you really should save up your 'two cents' for someone elses comments. :P
Either way, tbh, you really should save up your 'two cents' for someone elses comments. :P
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