Socially Awkward... I feel you buddy T -T

I so relate to this... Took me years to get past it and still I only do the 'rythem' of such stuff :'(

Jeez, I seriously relate with 'em. I'm not sure if I really have social anxiety, but I certainly do have the same thoughts.

Anyone remember that dumb thing I did back in 3rd grade? No? Well I do!
Remember that thing I said a week ago that pissed you off for a bit? No? I sure do!
Remember how I poured my heart out for you and ya rejected me? No? Well boy howdy do I remember!

Sure everyone will usually forget those things and move on by the end of the day. But those screw-ups and mistakes will haunt me for the rest of my days, no matter how big or small they were.

I can recall a time I embarrassed myself in front of the entire class in 1st grade, but I barely can remember a funny joke I heard 'bout an hour ago. I hate how my mind prioritizes memorizing my failures and shortcomings rather than the good times and happy moments. ;w;

Many of us go through this - some more quietly than others.
What is important to remember is that people care a lot less about this stuff than we think.

There's a story I always liked, and it goes like this:

A flea hopped all the way up into a horse's ear.
"Excuse me, Mr. Horse. I would like to say, sir, that - if it is possible - I'd like to ask for your gracious hospitality, as winter is coming and I have nowhere to go. Please, sir, if it's ok, I'd like to live in your ear for the next 3 months. I promise I won't be a bother and I'll clean up after myself."
And the horse kept eating hay.
Taking his silence as approval, the flea proceeded to do as he said he would.
Winter came and went. The flea was ready to depart.
"Excuse me, Mr. Horse," he whispered again in the horse's ear. "I very much appreciate your hospitality, sir, as it was most welcome for me. I made sure to leave everything exactly as I found it and made no mess whatsoever, sir. You are so kind and so nice for agreeing to this, I can't say how much it means to me. I shall go now, sir, farewell and have a good life! Thank you again, thank you, thank you!"
The flea left.
And the horse kept eating hay.

Wow... thank you for responding! I didn't actually think ya would, but I'm glad you cared to do so!

I wouldn't mind talking about this a bit more in DMs or whatever, if that's ok with you?

I'd be happy to - just remain calm if I take a bit to reply ^^ Either due to time zones or work hours I'm a little slow, but I always try to reply within 24 hours!

god this hits home sooooo fucking hard after decades of parents being ashamed i was even alive and locking me away from the world... i do anything and my mental life just goes nuts... meds are great but they just dontr do what having someone who really loves and cares and is willing to do to help you coop with your problrms. mental health cant be healed as so many think with meds. they are temperary they are meant to make cooping easier but alone as ive always been and even to this day and even worse so broke and in the gutter barelyt scraping by i cant even get the meds to help me try to coop.... each day harder then the next as that dark voice only gets louder. this is our world and people richer and with more power dont want people like me to be a thing. so they do this shit hoping we will take ourselves out unable to bare life... sorry getting far too dark. life gets better is true but for a very small few that can fix or cure there problems. people like me its my fucking genes. you cant cure my damn genetic code and poof better. im stuck like this tell someone lifts me up and gives me the hand i need or i use my own hands to end it all........

Me