Disregard this, as it is nothing more than a glorified scribble.

I've been feeling a little bit down, and specifically isolated. Constant struggles with a certain individual, distance from the one I love most, hecktic sleeping schedules and a loss of appetite.

I'm tired of starving and not even having the desire to eat. The most delicious of fruits, juicy, meaty, and plenty tasty. Sweet, tangy, sour... Oranges.

A beautiful escape that'd be, to be freely capable of wandering in what I would believe to be an orange orchard. I totally did not trrrry with the trees. I started to. Then I was just like. No.

To be alone, to forget the world and people. A lesson learned from one of the most powerful role models in my life taught me that she came first in her world. She did plenty selfless and kind, but she always had priority for herself. Even if the world came crashing down and she was left alone, she told me she would keep on moving on, living for herself and her happiness and survival.

We had somewhat similar pasts, spare I wasn't lonely as long as she was. She learned to deal with her loneliness first, I was taken by people. I was sweeped into the glory and flare of a "community" and "popularity". I was 13 when I didn't feel alone anymore. ... Niavity was abundant, let me tell you. I believed everything glamorous and flashy. I followed someone as a "rolemodel" at this earlier stage in my life, because he made me feel amazing when I'd been stuck in isolation and alienation- there but unseen. He sweet talked me, I picked up some fairly poor habbits from him, and.. Blah.

I hate drawing tails. I totally mutilated everything south of the waistline on Tae.

I'm a very dependant person. I want to be appreciated. I want to be noticed. I want to be loved. I want to be admired for the things I can do- not envied.
I'm by the heavens not amazing or perfect at anything, but I like to feel I do good. If I'm terrible at everything, then may the gods have mercy on me and return the life I'm borrowing to the world, for someone much more deserving.

I'm also love socializing. I love being around friends. I love being... I love the thought of being able to share stories with others, joke and tease each other in good faith, bring happiness to others, and be picked up when I'm down by people I like, who want to bring me that mutal sensation of happiness. Out of fear and spite, I've actually been pretty distant from practically everyone. Afraid of people. Afraid of going insane. One of the things I'm most worried about is maintaining my sanity. I never, ever want to let my mind and heart degrade into one of those froth-at-the-mouth salkers, or someone who's spirituality or religons drive their life.

"I've been hurt too many times". Lately I've been feeling myself 'healing', but I'm still so very wary of people and my influence on others. I'm in the corner. I'm safe. No one's paying attention to me. That means they're not smiling at me, but they're also not glaring at me, judging me. Obscurity. A shadow. No more man than your reflections.

For having such a bleak outlook on so much, and while venting these thoughts, it's dawned on me how much heavier this weight has really been on my concience. D= I'm amazed I haven't snapped and gone on a homocidal rampage. Oh, but I was going to say, even though I have such a morbid perception of things, I'm still living. Still looking to tomorow with hope, and living the day out for what I've got it. Like to be optimistic, but I'm always being "too realistic" some people say. I'm always questioning myself, and others. Not because I don't trust them and myself, but because I feel to just 'trust' something is alright is NOT verifying it is. That sort of neglect leads to people degrading and becoming... Terrifying. Without this sort of vigilance, it's those little accidents that happen. "Oh, well of course the spark plugs are okay!", "Of course the breaks are fine!". x_x

Holy shit I've type so much here lololol.

WTB a hug from something with fluff. =(