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Extra thanks to 
Pentalis for helping me make this one way creepier & more memorable.
Pentalis for helping me make this one way creepier & more memorable.
Category Poetry / Fanart
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 64px
File Size 553 B
Listed in Folders
I was surrounded by a bunch of undead while walking in the moonlight from town to my home on our Minecraft server. It really reminded me of one of those old 70's horror films. I didn't have Vincent Price in mind specifically or Thriller but it was very spooky and got me pining for Halloween season. It helps our map is Ireland-themed and has a lot of old castles & Victorian-style buildings in town.
I liked this one too. The first stanza was harder to read than the others; I know you used AABB rhyme throughout the poem, but try giving the first stanza a read swapping the 2nd and 3rd verse, how do you like it?
My favorite stanza was the last c: the last verse being longer gave it more punch.
My favorite stanza was the last c: the last verse being longer gave it more punch.
How's this? Feel free to tweak.
Spirits haunt our underground.
Screaming, moaning, clitter-clatter.
Late at night they move around.
The good you do for them won't matter.
Ancient ires and resentment.
Forget sleep and they will find you.
Seething feelings hate contentment.
Look out! Phantom screams behind you.
Spider silk and decayed flesh.
What were they in their previous life?
Fell monsters behind rusted mesh.
How did we earn this cursed strife?
Dark secrets hidden by the past.
Be careful yearning to explore.
For nightmares glimpsed may be your last.
The darkness out there hates us more.
I dunno...I like it but with both I can't help stumbling lol. I'll leave the original as is for now but I very much appreciate any further input you might have.
Spirits haunt our underground.
Screaming, moaning, clitter-clatter.
Late at night they move around.
The good you do for them won't matter.
Ancient ires and resentment.
Forget sleep and they will find you.
Seething feelings hate contentment.
Look out! Phantom screams behind you.
Spider silk and decayed flesh.
What were they in their previous life?
Fell monsters behind rusted mesh.
How did we earn this cursed strife?
Dark secrets hidden by the past.
Be careful yearning to explore.
For nightmares glimpsed may be your last.
The darkness out there hates us more.
I dunno...I like it but with both I can't help stumbling lol. I'll leave the original as is for now but I very much appreciate any further input you might have.
Here's my take!
Spirits haunt us underground:
screaming, moaning, clitter-clatter.
Late at night they move around;
what you do for them won't matter.
Ancient ires and resentment,
shadows creeping from behind you.
Seething feelings, discontentment,
forget sleep and they will find you.
Spider silk and decayed flesh,
in the graveyards of unlife;
fallen ones and rusted mesh,
cursed to never end their strife.
Secrets hidden in the past,
seeping darkness under doors.
Nightmares glimpsed may be your last,
tantalizing you to explore.
Spirits haunt us underground:
screaming, moaning, clitter-clatter.
Late at night they move around;
what you do for them won't matter.
Ancient ires and resentment,
shadows creeping from behind you.
Seething feelings, discontentment,
forget sleep and they will find you.
Spider silk and decayed flesh,
in the graveyards of unlife;
fallen ones and rusted mesh,
cursed to never end their strife.
Secrets hidden in the past,
seeping darkness under doors.
Nightmares glimpsed may be your last,
tantalizing you to explore.
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