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Blaze and Ruka keep traveling. Things get more awkward and more entertainingly silly for the readers.
Copyright GreaterSpan.
Spread this stuff around.
Copyright GreaterSpan.
Spread this stuff around.
Category Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 114px
File Size 11.4 kB
Well you certainly have a story to tell.
First let us start with the beginning, a beginning is one of the most important parts of a work as it serves to attract and introduce an audience into a work.
The prologue opens monotone with unapplied details introducing the main character and rhetorical starting of the work at hand.
This sums the main problem of the work. Description and action help bring a work to life through imagery and sensory. Showing instead of telling through these elements helps a work flow easier and appear in the audience’s minds eye.
Opening with these details like this turns off the audience, while introducing a character is better done naturally over time instead of in this manner.
The information though within the prologue is interesting to read and has potential. This information can truly form an excellent place to start. Showing it to us with the above elements would most certainly take the audience into the action and can build interesting into the first chapter. While a more narrative speaker with a proper transition telling these elements make perk the audiences curiosity
However, one of the best ways for an audience to feel and attach to a character is to watch them build and grow. The character already having some development puts this at some stake. It is also in the same mindset of the audience taking most out of the Journey instead of the destination even if the resolution of conflict is the soul most important part of a work.
From the introduction of this Blaze’s traits and the lack of showing through description characterization lacks. The audience doest not learn the characters faces nor their internal depths.
The work is heavy with dialogue, your dialogue however is excellent and is one of the few traits that allows us to look into the characters. Some balance though should be achieved between dialogue and description.
Some good movements though do appear in the 2nd part of the 2nd chapter.
Keep writing and best of luck with the rest.
First let us start with the beginning, a beginning is one of the most important parts of a work as it serves to attract and introduce an audience into a work.
The prologue opens monotone with unapplied details introducing the main character and rhetorical starting of the work at hand.
This sums the main problem of the work. Description and action help bring a work to life through imagery and sensory. Showing instead of telling through these elements helps a work flow easier and appear in the audience’s minds eye.
Opening with these details like this turns off the audience, while introducing a character is better done naturally over time instead of in this manner.
The information though within the prologue is interesting to read and has potential. This information can truly form an excellent place to start. Showing it to us with the above elements would most certainly take the audience into the action and can build interesting into the first chapter. While a more narrative speaker with a proper transition telling these elements make perk the audiences curiosity
However, one of the best ways for an audience to feel and attach to a character is to watch them build and grow. The character already having some development puts this at some stake. It is also in the same mindset of the audience taking most out of the Journey instead of the destination even if the resolution of conflict is the soul most important part of a work.
From the introduction of this Blaze’s traits and the lack of showing through description characterization lacks. The audience doest not learn the characters faces nor their internal depths.
The work is heavy with dialogue, your dialogue however is excellent and is one of the few traits that allows us to look into the characters. Some balance though should be achieved between dialogue and description.
Some good movements though do appear in the 2nd part of the 2nd chapter.
Keep writing and best of luck with the rest.
Thanks a lot, I know this needs work, and I was just trying to hammer out the basics, to be honest this isnt my latest work and I've gotten a lot of progress, I need to go back and edit it and be sure to take to heart everything you've given me. Hopefully it'll be even better the next time you see it.
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