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More from AboxofDeth
Aurora knows what she wants. Deth doesn't. Flair has a bit of a moment. Chapter 2 is a sharp change of tone.
Prologue - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/39823434/
Chapter 1 - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/39823481/
Chapter 2 - You are here
Chapter 3 - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/41397400/
Chapter 4 - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/41397446/
Chapter 5 - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/41845358/
Chapter 6 - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/42045373/
Chapter 7+ - On the way
______________________________________________________________________________
The more he thought about it, the more Deth realized that Aurora was his first serious girlfriend.
Growing up, he’d been in plenty of ‘relationships,’ but thinking back on those, he realized that there was nothing more serious than being playful and silly with the friends that he grew up with, and at times, people were passing crushes around with each other as quickly and easily as the common cold.
This time, there was an extra layer of gravity to the whole experience, and yet, Deth still wasn’t sure that he felt right about what was happening. He knew he felt something, and he’d decided that was better than nothing at all, but something kept nagging at the back of his mind, telling him that he should be feeling even more than he already was.
The stereotypes of falling head over heels, feeling faint and swooning over someone with every passing moment continued to weigh on Deth, even as a tiny smile curled the corner of his lips. If nothing else, it was a natural reaction to a beauty like Aurora smiling at him; her expressions were infectious.
“You’ve barely touched your lunch, Deth,” she pointed out. Her elbow was pressed into the table, and with a subtle lean across the table, she was giving away plenty of signs that she was interested in his presence, but he wasn’t returning many of them. “Something the matter?”
They’d made things properly official at the carnival, and thereafter, Aurora was the one who initiated the process of setting up future days for them to hang out and get to know each other. Most of that was time spent at school, but this was a weekend once more, and there were only so many things to do on a Saturday in a smallish town.
Spending money on food was an easy default, and Aurora was happy, as long as she was getting to spend time with her new boyfriend.
“I think I ate breakfast a little too late,” Deth suggested. He didn’t have a proper excuse on hand.
Aurora’s smirk widened just a little, at that. “You sure you’re not just too nervous to eat around a pretty girl?” she asked, setting him up with an easy compliment…but in such a short time, she’d come to expect that he’d miss the boat.
She didn’t think he was dumb or foolish, but there was a hint of obliviousness behind his tiny smile.
“I do get a little nervous eating around other people sometimes,” he admitted, but only after saying that did he pick up on her clue. Snickering and giving her a subtle glare, he lifted another fry to his maw and snapped his fangs at it overtly. “Have I not told you how lovely you are yet, today?”
“Only a few times,” Aurora teased. “I hope I’m not being too demanding of your affection?”
They were a young couple, still learning each other’s mannerisms and feeling each other out, but they were doing well at it; even that exchange was followed by a brief chuckle.
It was strange to Deth that he still wasn’t feeling the wealth of butterflies in the pit of his stomach, like he thought he was supposed to…but he did enjoy being around Aurora as much as he did anyone else, and for the time, as far as he was concerned, that was enough.
“So…we don’t have any class on Monday,” she continued, knowing Deth wouldn’t have a proper response to her tease. “Are you busy Sunday night?”
**
Deth and Aurora both worried about burning each other out, in their time together. They’d been transparent about respecting each other’s space and need for time apart, and having such a discussion after dating for only a week or so might have been a red flag to some, but they both thought of it as something wonderful.
Wearing that like a badge of maturity, Deth was glad, and even proud that they’d have such a discussion. It allowed him to enjoy the rest of Saturday afternoon with a clear mind and a sense of relaxation that was desperately needed between the days of class, and plopping his backside in a bean bag chair with a bag of chips and an evening of video games ahead of him was just what the doctor ordered.
As much as he was looking forward to that, and seeing everything was right with the world, Deth knew that he wasn’t the whole world…but he wasn’t expecting to see any messages on his cell phone that evening.
Sitting by himself and starting up his game console, smiling wider at the familiar hum of a spinning disc and the loading screen, Deth was a pure contrast to his friend, Flair, who was having a very different night on the other side of the neighborhood.
“So I was looking at some guy while we were out walking; what’s the big deal, honestly?”
It was tough for Flair to admit anything of the sort to himself, but when he was pressed about his drifting eyes, push was going to come to shove…and honesty was the best policy.
The honest truth was that Flair had been checking out other guys for longer than he and Naia had been an item, but when she caught him staring someone down in the middle of their walk through the park, the gender and biology of that person didn’t matter as much as the fact that Flair had been caught in the act.
“The big deal is that you and I, last I checked, were an exclusive item,” she explained. Sitting at the kitchen table at his parent’s house, she was glad to know that his family was out to a restaurant for the night: the last thing she wanted was to make a scene in front of a group of people, but she didn’t know if she’d be able to contain herself when the full truth came out. “If there’s something that I’m not doing for you that you need to go to someone else for, that’s fine, but at least have the common decency to dump me first!”
“I was just looking!” he argued, but he realized that he was in the wrong for what he’d done. He was, however, trying to come to terms with the fact that he was looking at other men, rather than another girl…and he was still nervous about that fact.
He was trying his best to keep from letting those nerves turn to anger, but fear turned to anger so easily that Flair was already balling his fingers into tight, heavy fists.
“Just because we’re dating doesn’t mean that other people stop being attractive…that’s fine,” Naia gave him that much. “But the fact is that you shouldn’t be looking at other people while you’re with me. How am I supposed to feel if I can’t even hold your attention for a single conversation?”
“You’ve got my attention right now.”
“Because there isn’t a cute guy walking by to distract you!”
Flair sighed. “Why does it have to be a cute guy, Naia? Why can’t it be another chick?”
“…You know that wouldn’t be any better for our relationship, right?” she asked. “But as much as that would be a problem, too, I…I feel like there’s something more you need to tell me, Flair. I haven’t caught you looking at another girl since we started dating, and I wasn’t worried about you being faithful until I caught you staring, but…all the people you’ve been checking out have something else in common.”
Both of them could feel the end of their brief relationship coming, but where Flair thought it was going to end because of his prying eyes, Naia was trying to help him come to terms with something that she’d noticed about him along the way; whether he’d be willing to be honest with himself was yet to be seen, but she genuinely cared about him.
Because of that, she was genuinely worried, too, that he’d keep lying to himself.
“You know I’m not a fan of you playing games and being subtle like that.”
“You’re not?” Naia asked, laughing with her growing exasperation. “Four times I’ve caught you, Flair…and each time, they’ve had something in common. I don’t know why you’re making me say it for you, either!”
“I’m not trying to make you say anything,” Flair argued, but he could feel the truth slipping free: there was no point in trying to deny it any longer, but he was struggling to find the courage to tell her the whole truth. “But it feels like you want me to tell you something, and I have no idea why you’d want to hear it!”
“Hear what?”
“That I’m…I think I’m into guys!”
Flair was panting quietly as he made his bold, exclaimed confession. Naia looked fearful at that point, but she wasn’t afraid of him…she was more worried for him, when she saw how heavily the confession was weighing on his mind.
She didn’t want to ruin anything for him, and she valued the relationship that they’d carved out together, but she could tell that the happiness Flair felt with her wasn’t actually with her…she was just a comforting presence that held him close, but she could tell that she wasn’t his ideal partner anymore, much less a proper option for him to date.
She also didn’t want to be the one to force him to say those words, but she could see the truth painted in his nervous, frustrated eyes.
“Do you feel better?” she asked, her voice filled with honest concern for his state.
It was a strange moment for Flair, who couldn’t fully reconcile the reality of his orientation any easier than he could handle the reality of his relationship ending.
In truth, Naia made him happy, but he knew that he wasn’t attracted to her. She was just a friend, and though there was nothing inherently wrong with that, he felt like he was betraying her by accepting this part of himself.
“I…g-guess I do,” he said, his voice still unsure and his throat tightening. “Is it so bad if I don’t feel better, though?”
“I’m sorry,” Naia whispered. “I don’t know how this is supposed to feel for you…I don’t know what else to tell you.”
The weight of their relationship ending had finally crashed down upon them, but there wasn’t a stinging, digging pain in the pit of Flair’s heart, like there was in Naia’s. She was happy for him on a personal level, knowing that his acceptance of his sexual preferences would bring him greater happiness down the line…but in the moment, she couldn’t ignore the fact that she truly loved him, and if he was being honest with himself, they could never be together romantically.
She knew plenty about being happy for someone when it was painful for her, and the best she could do right then was force a smile and come around the counter, leaning into Flair’s side and wrapping her arms around him.
He needed the comfort of a friend, and she needed the comfort of a lover; this was the best they could do for each other, but that didn’t free them from the pain of that reality.
“I guess this means t-that…we probably aren’t gonna be together anymore,” Flair thought aloud, and immediately, he felt Naia shaking her head against his shoulder. With each turn of her head, she pushed the possibility further and further away, cementing that they could only be friends from there…but being that close to him was making things worse. “I’m sorry that things ended like this, Naia.”
Sniffling and doing her best to swallow those emotions, Naia forced a giggle. “I guess it’s comforting to know that there isn’t a girl in the world that could hold you down…at least that means I’m not the problem.”
Her joke fell flat immediately; as much as Flair knew she wasn’t trying to hurt his feelings, he couldn’t help a growing sting at that.
It was only because he’d hurt her so much that he didn’t lash out for that comment, but they could both tell that further words weren’t going to make things better.
“You, uh…y-you should probably go,” he suggested. “Maybe we can talk about this again after we’ve both had some time to think things over.”
Naia nodded at first, but there was a hesitance before she shook her head. “I’m not sure there’s anything for us…j-just the two of us, anyway, to go back over. I’m sorry, Flair…but I really am happy for you.”
Releasing his body and trying to divorce herself from her emotions, the pair of teenagers swirled in separate turmoil.
As she came to grips with loving someone who would never love her back, he had to come to terms with realizing that he didn’t even know who he loved…and easy answers were nowhere to be had.
**
Deth wouldn’t deny that he was frustrated to leave the comforts of his bedroom behind: he wasn’t the type to rush to go out on a Friday or Saturday night, unlike most of the teenagers he knew.
When it came to a house call to check on a distraught friend, however, he was able to swallow that sour pill, knowing that Flair was doing worse than he was.
He didn’t know how much worse Flair was doing until he opened the front door and saw his friend slumped over the counter, still choking back tears and looking as though he’d lost more than a casual relationship.
“O-oh, hey…dude…”
As awkward as the break up had gone, Deth wasn’t doing any better at the start of the pep talk, but he closed the front door as quietly as he could and walked over to the counter, worrying that he wasn’t going to be able to help at all.
The moment he was in range, Flair turned and threw his arms around his friend, needing someone to hold onto and leaving the poor lion with an overwhelmed disposition.
He wasn’t going to say anything; he was just there to be the most supportive friend that he could, and that was just what Flair needed. He was looking up at the lion with pleading eyes, but there was a wisdom in Deth’s silence, telling him that he was going to have to spill those beans himself.
Deth simply wasn’t as direct as Naia: he wouldn’t force Flair to confess something so deep and powerful.
“Thanks f-for coming over like this, dude. I’m…I’m not broken, am I?”
Deth blinked. “You know I was more than happy to come over, dude, but…how would you be broken? You and Naia weren’t working out as a couple, but that doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you.”
“N-n-no, not that,” he corrected himself. “I’m worried about Naia, too; none of this is fair to her, but…like…I know she’s hot, everyone says she is, so why can’t I just be attracted to her?”
“That’s not how that works, Flair.”
Deth’s voice was arid: he didn’t want to come across as being unsympathetic, but just hearing the way Flair was talking about himself was upsetting. He wouldn’t want to hear anyone talk like that, but least of all, he hated to hear his friend putting himself down for something he couldn’t control.
“If I can just learn t-
“No, dude. You don’t just learn away being gay, and there’s nothing wrong with it,” Deth cut him off, refusing to even hear that dialogue. “If you’re not sure that you are, then it’s okay to take time to figure it out, but…breaking up with Naia wasn’t a bad thing, especially if you’re struggling with this. It’s not fair to her to string her along, and not fair to you to pretend to be something that you might not be.”
Thankful that he wasn’t talking about himself, Deth had an inward moment of sadness at his precise nature: whenever he wondered about his own preferences and sexuality, he found the answers were the greatest of unsolvable puzzles, but talking about it to someone else gave him a sense of clarity that he'd never known before.
Luck remained on his side, as he could see those words getting through to Flair and calming him down, at the very least.
“But…h-how do I know if I really am gay? How do I know that any of this was the right decision?”
His questions were loaded, but Deth was rolling with the punches, haymaker after haymaker. “Totally honest, dude? You don’t. That’s the hardest part of this…but if Naia thought it was for the best, and you agreed with her, then there’s no point regretting that choice. She doesn’t hate you for this, right?”
“No…s-she didn’t seem to, anyway.”
“It’s gonna be tough for a while, but…just take your time with it,” Deth suggested. “I’m not trying to make light of this, but you’re gonna have your whole life to figure that stuff out…maybe tonight, we just go back to my place, order a pizza and play some Megasplosion?”
Even if he’d only gone through an ordinary breakup, that would have been just what the doctor ordered for Flair, but after a breakup and a moment of self-realization, he couldn’t think of any better distraction to get him through the night…and right then, he needed a distraction and a break from reality as much as he needed answers.
His problems weren’t going to go away, and he knew that, but he could at least face them the next day with his batteries recharged and his spirits lifted.
“Can we get cheese nuggets, too?”
“Do you promise to stop hugging me if I order the food?”
“Yes.”
“Then we’ll get cheese nuggets.”
One more squeeze came from Flair before he finally released Deth, and only when the pressure was lifted did he realize how tightly he was holding the lion.
Embarrassed and apologetic, Flair shrunk away just a bit, but he could see Deth smiling all the while.
**
To say that the weekend ended up being more eventful than Deth anticipated was quite the understatement: he’d expected to sleep in most of the day Sunday after playing video games all of Saturday night, but after having to tend to Flair, his schedule changed just a little bit.
Social interactions, even those with his good friends, wore him out just a little bit…but he didn’t allow himself to sleep that night until he was sure that Flair could be trusted to his own devices.
Even then, he didn’t feel comfortable about their discussion until the next day, when Deth saw a text message from Flair that claimed he was okay and feeling a lot better, complete with an emoji and a picture of him, smiling alongside it.
“You really are a kind person, Deth.”
He knew better than to check his phone in the middle of a date, but he’d warned Aurora of the situation before he arrived. All told, she was more than happy to let him check his phone, but she was relieved to hear that Flair was okay, just as much as she was happy to have Deth’s undivided attention.
“What makes you say that?”
“You’ve been so worried about your friend that you’ve hardly touched your dinner.”
This time, it was a dinner date that brought the young couple back together, but Deth wasn’t too nervous to eat his food, this time. He was genuinely distracted by keeping his friend in line, and after the long night before, his stomach wasn’t playing the kindest games with him.
“You sure it doesn’t have something to do with the pretty girl sitting across from me?” he asked, developing a bit more of a sense of humor around his date and keeping a mind to how much she enjoyed his jokes. “Pretty sure you mentioned something about that last time, and it’s not like you’ve stopped being pretty since then…”
“So kind of you to notice,” Aurora teased. “I was starting to wonder if I’d just made that bit up!”
“And I just didn’t want all of it to go to your head,” Deth joked back at her, snickering all the while. “No…I’m just struggling to find my appetite after last night. That was kind of a harrowing experience…I was really worried about Flair. Barely had an appetite after waking up, even.”
“You sure the two large pizzas and the cheese nuggets didn’t have anything to do with it?”
Nerves crept into Deth’s smile. “That was probably a small part of it,” he confessed. “Go figure, Flair was the one who wanted all that food, and then he barely touched it!”
“And you just couldn’t let it go to waste, right? Would have been a tragedy?”
“Of the highest order.”
Giggling and rolling with the conversation so naturally, Deth was finally letting go of the concerns he had about the butterflies that he wasn’t feeling. Even if he didn’t have the knots in his stomach and the pep in his step like every song and poem had ever mentioned, he still enjoyed being around her enough to think that maybe, he just didn’t experience love in the same way that other people did.
Maybe it really is just different for everyone? Maybe that’s why we write songs about being in love in the first place…
He allowed his thoughts to wander as he smiled across the table, ignoring his food and finding Aurora to be a more interesting slice to sink his teeth into.
“If you’re really not gonna have anymore, maybe we can skip dessert, after all,” Aurora suggested. “Wanna grab a box and head back to my place? My parents are probably just chilling in the living room.”
Right then, Deth felt a tightening sensation in his stomach. He wondered if he was reading into her invitation just a little too much, but almost immediately, his brain drifted elsewhere.
“We could do that…and I probably should get a box…but I’ve still got a little bit of a sweet tooth,” Deth confessed. “Mind if we grab some ice cream before we head back to your place?”
Aurora never once considered that he was trying to delay the process of heading back to her house.
“I’d love that,” she agreed. “But it’s gotta be my treat, okay?”
**
Establishing early on that they would be the kind of couple to split the bill as evenly and as often as possible was just fine by Deth, who thought himself lucky to be dating a girl with those kinds of resources in the first place.
His family wasn’t poor, but he only had so much money to go around, and after their fancier meal together at dinner, he would have been tapped for the upcoming week if he’d been tasked with handling their ice cream.
Aurora wasn’t judging him for that: if anything, she was just happy to be walking alongside him and slurping the melting cream from her own cone…though she was disappointed that he hadn’t made a comment about her tongue, just yet.
I’ve heard of oblivious guys before, but…how are you not able to tell that I’m basically slow dancing with this stuff? She thought. If I go any slower it’s gonna start pouring down my wrist…
She wasn’t trying to be overt about her intentions, at first. She wanted to work into things slowly, but the closer they came to her house, the worse brain freeze she was going to have when she was forced to stuff half the cone down her throat.
Deth was already almost done with his own frozen treat, and it wasn’t until he actually looked over at Aurora that he noticed her tongue coiling all the way around the creamy globe; her lipstick would have been stained if she let anything go any further, but the lion wasn’t ignorant of what he’d just watched an emulation of.
He felt breathless at what he thought she was trying to imply, but he couldn’t bring himself to be the one to start that particular conversation, especially when he still hadn’t felt the kinds of thrills that he thought he was supposed to.
There had never even been a stirring between his legs, and he knew what that was supposed to feel like, even when it only ever happened by happenstance.
“You’re m-making quite a mess there, aren’t you?” he finally asked, unable to ignore the weight of her stare upon him any longer. “Guess we’d better get you inside and get you cleaned up…r-real shame, that, since it’s such a nice night.”
She knew she was making him nervous, but Aurora didn’t mind taking the lead on things, assuming that Deth was every bit as inexperienced in the bedroom as he actually was.
“Pretty sure I can handle cleaning myself up, but if you’re gonna be a gentleman and make me such an offer, I’m afraid I can’t say no,” she murmured, thinking that she was still playing along with him; she hadn’t noticed that she was effectively tugging him along, anymore. “We should probably sneak in the back, though…don’t want to bother my folks if we can avoid it.”
There was a thrill, at that: the idea that they were doing something scandalous, perhaps even something her parents would frown on…he couldn’t ignore the nerves he felt knowing that, but he didn’t know if that was the same as what he should have felt, considering what was about to happen.
But how do I know if it’s gonna happen? How do I know we won’t just go inside and sit on her bed and talk or something? There’s nothing wrong with that, right?
His mind was racing, but he did everything he could to keep his nerves bottled up behind a wide, cheesy smile. The last thing he wanted was for Aurora to think that he didn’t like her; he was sure that he did, but having seen how distraught Flair and Naia were by their own breakup, he wasn’t prepared to go through something like that anytime soon.
Following Aurora down the driveway and around to the back door, he was trembling with every step that he took, but he stayed on step behind her, not letting her see just how nervous he was about going into her house.
It’s normal, right? To be nervous about going into a girl’s house for the first time? To maybe meet her parents right when I walk in the door?
“They’re busy…TV is turned way up,” Aurora whispered, giving Deth’s paw a quick tug. “C’mon. We can totally sneak into my room without them hearing us.”
The fact that he was being ushered in left Deth feeling akin to a dirty little secret. He wondered for a moment if Aurora was ashamed of him, but when he didn’t immediately answer her, she looked back at him with wide, honest eyes.
Her expression refused to hide just how eager she was to be alone with him, and though he didn’t fully understand the sensations welling up inside of him, Deth wondered if that was how it felt to be desired, as opposed to feeling that way about someone else.
It was all happening a little too fast, and the headrush continued as he nodded to her, not wanting to disappoint her. He could still feel the chill of the ice cream cone on her digits as she clenched his paw and rushed him through the narrow, aged kitchen and tiptoed up the stairs with him.
Fumbling through the dark and moving as quietly as he could, Deth wondered if Aurora was lifting her tail on purpose, but he thought himself a proper gentleman for not looking under her dress at those peaking moments. The opportunity was there, and he was sure he felt Aurora looking back at him to try and follow his gaze, but he never gave into that temptation.
Whether it was genuine curiosity about her fashion sense, or a more natural desire to see the rest of her body, he couldn’t discern…and that alone was concerning for him.
By the time they reached her bedroom door, Deth was starting to pant with his nerves, but Aurora hadn’t picked up on the reason for that just yet. “Winded by heading up the stairs, babe? We’ve gotta get you off those video games and get you onto a treadmill,” she teased, her voice a whisper that tickled his eardrum with every word…but it didn’t send a chill down his spine, like he thought it should.
Following her into the bedroom behind a quiet click, Deth found himself face to face with Aurora, her bedroom door closed and her bedroom eyes staring into his own all the while.
“Or maybe there’s another way we can build up your endurance?”
Deth gulped, but he didn’t have the words to answer that. His smile couldn’t have been more nervous, but it was still a smile…and that was all Aurora was looking for, as she leaned in close and pressed her paws to his chest.
The lion let her weight move him into the door with a delicate thump, and against his chest, the warmth of her touch was permeating his shirt, tantalizing the fur underneath…but something was still off.
He wasn’t in the middle of a peak of excitement, but a strange void of it, instead.
“If I’m moving too fast, just…j-just tell me to stop, baby,” she kept her voice barely a whisper as she pressed her breasts into his torso and let her lips dance their way up the side of his neck. She’d have to go up on her tiptoes to steal the final kiss from him, but they’d kissed plenty of times in the week leading up to that moment.
Deth could sense her intentions were more than a quick peck on the cheek, and against his quivering form, Aurora wasn’t slowing down.
Prologue - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/39823434/
Chapter 1 - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/39823481/
Chapter 2 - You are here
Chapter 3 - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/41397400/
Chapter 4 - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/41397446/
Chapter 5 - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/41845358/
Chapter 6 - https://www.furaffinity.net/view/42045373/
Chapter 7+ - On the way
______________________________________________________________________________
The more he thought about it, the more Deth realized that Aurora was his first serious girlfriend.
Growing up, he’d been in plenty of ‘relationships,’ but thinking back on those, he realized that there was nothing more serious than being playful and silly with the friends that he grew up with, and at times, people were passing crushes around with each other as quickly and easily as the common cold.
This time, there was an extra layer of gravity to the whole experience, and yet, Deth still wasn’t sure that he felt right about what was happening. He knew he felt something, and he’d decided that was better than nothing at all, but something kept nagging at the back of his mind, telling him that he should be feeling even more than he already was.
The stereotypes of falling head over heels, feeling faint and swooning over someone with every passing moment continued to weigh on Deth, even as a tiny smile curled the corner of his lips. If nothing else, it was a natural reaction to a beauty like Aurora smiling at him; her expressions were infectious.
“You’ve barely touched your lunch, Deth,” she pointed out. Her elbow was pressed into the table, and with a subtle lean across the table, she was giving away plenty of signs that she was interested in his presence, but he wasn’t returning many of them. “Something the matter?”
They’d made things properly official at the carnival, and thereafter, Aurora was the one who initiated the process of setting up future days for them to hang out and get to know each other. Most of that was time spent at school, but this was a weekend once more, and there were only so many things to do on a Saturday in a smallish town.
Spending money on food was an easy default, and Aurora was happy, as long as she was getting to spend time with her new boyfriend.
“I think I ate breakfast a little too late,” Deth suggested. He didn’t have a proper excuse on hand.
Aurora’s smirk widened just a little, at that. “You sure you’re not just too nervous to eat around a pretty girl?” she asked, setting him up with an easy compliment…but in such a short time, she’d come to expect that he’d miss the boat.
She didn’t think he was dumb or foolish, but there was a hint of obliviousness behind his tiny smile.
“I do get a little nervous eating around other people sometimes,” he admitted, but only after saying that did he pick up on her clue. Snickering and giving her a subtle glare, he lifted another fry to his maw and snapped his fangs at it overtly. “Have I not told you how lovely you are yet, today?”
“Only a few times,” Aurora teased. “I hope I’m not being too demanding of your affection?”
They were a young couple, still learning each other’s mannerisms and feeling each other out, but they were doing well at it; even that exchange was followed by a brief chuckle.
It was strange to Deth that he still wasn’t feeling the wealth of butterflies in the pit of his stomach, like he thought he was supposed to…but he did enjoy being around Aurora as much as he did anyone else, and for the time, as far as he was concerned, that was enough.
“So…we don’t have any class on Monday,” she continued, knowing Deth wouldn’t have a proper response to her tease. “Are you busy Sunday night?”
**
Deth and Aurora both worried about burning each other out, in their time together. They’d been transparent about respecting each other’s space and need for time apart, and having such a discussion after dating for only a week or so might have been a red flag to some, but they both thought of it as something wonderful.
Wearing that like a badge of maturity, Deth was glad, and even proud that they’d have such a discussion. It allowed him to enjoy the rest of Saturday afternoon with a clear mind and a sense of relaxation that was desperately needed between the days of class, and plopping his backside in a bean bag chair with a bag of chips and an evening of video games ahead of him was just what the doctor ordered.
As much as he was looking forward to that, and seeing everything was right with the world, Deth knew that he wasn’t the whole world…but he wasn’t expecting to see any messages on his cell phone that evening.
Sitting by himself and starting up his game console, smiling wider at the familiar hum of a spinning disc and the loading screen, Deth was a pure contrast to his friend, Flair, who was having a very different night on the other side of the neighborhood.
“So I was looking at some guy while we were out walking; what’s the big deal, honestly?”
It was tough for Flair to admit anything of the sort to himself, but when he was pressed about his drifting eyes, push was going to come to shove…and honesty was the best policy.
The honest truth was that Flair had been checking out other guys for longer than he and Naia had been an item, but when she caught him staring someone down in the middle of their walk through the park, the gender and biology of that person didn’t matter as much as the fact that Flair had been caught in the act.
“The big deal is that you and I, last I checked, were an exclusive item,” she explained. Sitting at the kitchen table at his parent’s house, she was glad to know that his family was out to a restaurant for the night: the last thing she wanted was to make a scene in front of a group of people, but she didn’t know if she’d be able to contain herself when the full truth came out. “If there’s something that I’m not doing for you that you need to go to someone else for, that’s fine, but at least have the common decency to dump me first!”
“I was just looking!” he argued, but he realized that he was in the wrong for what he’d done. He was, however, trying to come to terms with the fact that he was looking at other men, rather than another girl…and he was still nervous about that fact.
He was trying his best to keep from letting those nerves turn to anger, but fear turned to anger so easily that Flair was already balling his fingers into tight, heavy fists.
“Just because we’re dating doesn’t mean that other people stop being attractive…that’s fine,” Naia gave him that much. “But the fact is that you shouldn’t be looking at other people while you’re with me. How am I supposed to feel if I can’t even hold your attention for a single conversation?”
“You’ve got my attention right now.”
“Because there isn’t a cute guy walking by to distract you!”
Flair sighed. “Why does it have to be a cute guy, Naia? Why can’t it be another chick?”
“…You know that wouldn’t be any better for our relationship, right?” she asked. “But as much as that would be a problem, too, I…I feel like there’s something more you need to tell me, Flair. I haven’t caught you looking at another girl since we started dating, and I wasn’t worried about you being faithful until I caught you staring, but…all the people you’ve been checking out have something else in common.”
Both of them could feel the end of their brief relationship coming, but where Flair thought it was going to end because of his prying eyes, Naia was trying to help him come to terms with something that she’d noticed about him along the way; whether he’d be willing to be honest with himself was yet to be seen, but she genuinely cared about him.
Because of that, she was genuinely worried, too, that he’d keep lying to himself.
“You know I’m not a fan of you playing games and being subtle like that.”
“You’re not?” Naia asked, laughing with her growing exasperation. “Four times I’ve caught you, Flair…and each time, they’ve had something in common. I don’t know why you’re making me say it for you, either!”
“I’m not trying to make you say anything,” Flair argued, but he could feel the truth slipping free: there was no point in trying to deny it any longer, but he was struggling to find the courage to tell her the whole truth. “But it feels like you want me to tell you something, and I have no idea why you’d want to hear it!”
“Hear what?”
“That I’m…I think I’m into guys!”
Flair was panting quietly as he made his bold, exclaimed confession. Naia looked fearful at that point, but she wasn’t afraid of him…she was more worried for him, when she saw how heavily the confession was weighing on his mind.
She didn’t want to ruin anything for him, and she valued the relationship that they’d carved out together, but she could tell that the happiness Flair felt with her wasn’t actually with her…she was just a comforting presence that held him close, but she could tell that she wasn’t his ideal partner anymore, much less a proper option for him to date.
She also didn’t want to be the one to force him to say those words, but she could see the truth painted in his nervous, frustrated eyes.
“Do you feel better?” she asked, her voice filled with honest concern for his state.
It was a strange moment for Flair, who couldn’t fully reconcile the reality of his orientation any easier than he could handle the reality of his relationship ending.
In truth, Naia made him happy, but he knew that he wasn’t attracted to her. She was just a friend, and though there was nothing inherently wrong with that, he felt like he was betraying her by accepting this part of himself.
“I…g-guess I do,” he said, his voice still unsure and his throat tightening. “Is it so bad if I don’t feel better, though?”
“I’m sorry,” Naia whispered. “I don’t know how this is supposed to feel for you…I don’t know what else to tell you.”
The weight of their relationship ending had finally crashed down upon them, but there wasn’t a stinging, digging pain in the pit of Flair’s heart, like there was in Naia’s. She was happy for him on a personal level, knowing that his acceptance of his sexual preferences would bring him greater happiness down the line…but in the moment, she couldn’t ignore the fact that she truly loved him, and if he was being honest with himself, they could never be together romantically.
She knew plenty about being happy for someone when it was painful for her, and the best she could do right then was force a smile and come around the counter, leaning into Flair’s side and wrapping her arms around him.
He needed the comfort of a friend, and she needed the comfort of a lover; this was the best they could do for each other, but that didn’t free them from the pain of that reality.
“I guess this means t-that…we probably aren’t gonna be together anymore,” Flair thought aloud, and immediately, he felt Naia shaking her head against his shoulder. With each turn of her head, she pushed the possibility further and further away, cementing that they could only be friends from there…but being that close to him was making things worse. “I’m sorry that things ended like this, Naia.”
Sniffling and doing her best to swallow those emotions, Naia forced a giggle. “I guess it’s comforting to know that there isn’t a girl in the world that could hold you down…at least that means I’m not the problem.”
Her joke fell flat immediately; as much as Flair knew she wasn’t trying to hurt his feelings, he couldn’t help a growing sting at that.
It was only because he’d hurt her so much that he didn’t lash out for that comment, but they could both tell that further words weren’t going to make things better.
“You, uh…y-you should probably go,” he suggested. “Maybe we can talk about this again after we’ve both had some time to think things over.”
Naia nodded at first, but there was a hesitance before she shook her head. “I’m not sure there’s anything for us…j-just the two of us, anyway, to go back over. I’m sorry, Flair…but I really am happy for you.”
Releasing his body and trying to divorce herself from her emotions, the pair of teenagers swirled in separate turmoil.
As she came to grips with loving someone who would never love her back, he had to come to terms with realizing that he didn’t even know who he loved…and easy answers were nowhere to be had.
**
Deth wouldn’t deny that he was frustrated to leave the comforts of his bedroom behind: he wasn’t the type to rush to go out on a Friday or Saturday night, unlike most of the teenagers he knew.
When it came to a house call to check on a distraught friend, however, he was able to swallow that sour pill, knowing that Flair was doing worse than he was.
He didn’t know how much worse Flair was doing until he opened the front door and saw his friend slumped over the counter, still choking back tears and looking as though he’d lost more than a casual relationship.
“O-oh, hey…dude…”
As awkward as the break up had gone, Deth wasn’t doing any better at the start of the pep talk, but he closed the front door as quietly as he could and walked over to the counter, worrying that he wasn’t going to be able to help at all.
The moment he was in range, Flair turned and threw his arms around his friend, needing someone to hold onto and leaving the poor lion with an overwhelmed disposition.
He wasn’t going to say anything; he was just there to be the most supportive friend that he could, and that was just what Flair needed. He was looking up at the lion with pleading eyes, but there was a wisdom in Deth’s silence, telling him that he was going to have to spill those beans himself.
Deth simply wasn’t as direct as Naia: he wouldn’t force Flair to confess something so deep and powerful.
“Thanks f-for coming over like this, dude. I’m…I’m not broken, am I?”
Deth blinked. “You know I was more than happy to come over, dude, but…how would you be broken? You and Naia weren’t working out as a couple, but that doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you.”
“N-n-no, not that,” he corrected himself. “I’m worried about Naia, too; none of this is fair to her, but…like…I know she’s hot, everyone says she is, so why can’t I just be attracted to her?”
“That’s not how that works, Flair.”
Deth’s voice was arid: he didn’t want to come across as being unsympathetic, but just hearing the way Flair was talking about himself was upsetting. He wouldn’t want to hear anyone talk like that, but least of all, he hated to hear his friend putting himself down for something he couldn’t control.
“If I can just learn t-
“No, dude. You don’t just learn away being gay, and there’s nothing wrong with it,” Deth cut him off, refusing to even hear that dialogue. “If you’re not sure that you are, then it’s okay to take time to figure it out, but…breaking up with Naia wasn’t a bad thing, especially if you’re struggling with this. It’s not fair to her to string her along, and not fair to you to pretend to be something that you might not be.”
Thankful that he wasn’t talking about himself, Deth had an inward moment of sadness at his precise nature: whenever he wondered about his own preferences and sexuality, he found the answers were the greatest of unsolvable puzzles, but talking about it to someone else gave him a sense of clarity that he'd never known before.
Luck remained on his side, as he could see those words getting through to Flair and calming him down, at the very least.
“But…h-how do I know if I really am gay? How do I know that any of this was the right decision?”
His questions were loaded, but Deth was rolling with the punches, haymaker after haymaker. “Totally honest, dude? You don’t. That’s the hardest part of this…but if Naia thought it was for the best, and you agreed with her, then there’s no point regretting that choice. She doesn’t hate you for this, right?”
“No…s-she didn’t seem to, anyway.”
“It’s gonna be tough for a while, but…just take your time with it,” Deth suggested. “I’m not trying to make light of this, but you’re gonna have your whole life to figure that stuff out…maybe tonight, we just go back to my place, order a pizza and play some Megasplosion?”
Even if he’d only gone through an ordinary breakup, that would have been just what the doctor ordered for Flair, but after a breakup and a moment of self-realization, he couldn’t think of any better distraction to get him through the night…and right then, he needed a distraction and a break from reality as much as he needed answers.
His problems weren’t going to go away, and he knew that, but he could at least face them the next day with his batteries recharged and his spirits lifted.
“Can we get cheese nuggets, too?”
“Do you promise to stop hugging me if I order the food?”
“Yes.”
“Then we’ll get cheese nuggets.”
One more squeeze came from Flair before he finally released Deth, and only when the pressure was lifted did he realize how tightly he was holding the lion.
Embarrassed and apologetic, Flair shrunk away just a bit, but he could see Deth smiling all the while.
**
To say that the weekend ended up being more eventful than Deth anticipated was quite the understatement: he’d expected to sleep in most of the day Sunday after playing video games all of Saturday night, but after having to tend to Flair, his schedule changed just a little bit.
Social interactions, even those with his good friends, wore him out just a little bit…but he didn’t allow himself to sleep that night until he was sure that Flair could be trusted to his own devices.
Even then, he didn’t feel comfortable about their discussion until the next day, when Deth saw a text message from Flair that claimed he was okay and feeling a lot better, complete with an emoji and a picture of him, smiling alongside it.
“You really are a kind person, Deth.”
He knew better than to check his phone in the middle of a date, but he’d warned Aurora of the situation before he arrived. All told, she was more than happy to let him check his phone, but she was relieved to hear that Flair was okay, just as much as she was happy to have Deth’s undivided attention.
“What makes you say that?”
“You’ve been so worried about your friend that you’ve hardly touched your dinner.”
This time, it was a dinner date that brought the young couple back together, but Deth wasn’t too nervous to eat his food, this time. He was genuinely distracted by keeping his friend in line, and after the long night before, his stomach wasn’t playing the kindest games with him.
“You sure it doesn’t have something to do with the pretty girl sitting across from me?” he asked, developing a bit more of a sense of humor around his date and keeping a mind to how much she enjoyed his jokes. “Pretty sure you mentioned something about that last time, and it’s not like you’ve stopped being pretty since then…”
“So kind of you to notice,” Aurora teased. “I was starting to wonder if I’d just made that bit up!”
“And I just didn’t want all of it to go to your head,” Deth joked back at her, snickering all the while. “No…I’m just struggling to find my appetite after last night. That was kind of a harrowing experience…I was really worried about Flair. Barely had an appetite after waking up, even.”
“You sure the two large pizzas and the cheese nuggets didn’t have anything to do with it?”
Nerves crept into Deth’s smile. “That was probably a small part of it,” he confessed. “Go figure, Flair was the one who wanted all that food, and then he barely touched it!”
“And you just couldn’t let it go to waste, right? Would have been a tragedy?”
“Of the highest order.”
Giggling and rolling with the conversation so naturally, Deth was finally letting go of the concerns he had about the butterflies that he wasn’t feeling. Even if he didn’t have the knots in his stomach and the pep in his step like every song and poem had ever mentioned, he still enjoyed being around her enough to think that maybe, he just didn’t experience love in the same way that other people did.
Maybe it really is just different for everyone? Maybe that’s why we write songs about being in love in the first place…
He allowed his thoughts to wander as he smiled across the table, ignoring his food and finding Aurora to be a more interesting slice to sink his teeth into.
“If you’re really not gonna have anymore, maybe we can skip dessert, after all,” Aurora suggested. “Wanna grab a box and head back to my place? My parents are probably just chilling in the living room.”
Right then, Deth felt a tightening sensation in his stomach. He wondered if he was reading into her invitation just a little too much, but almost immediately, his brain drifted elsewhere.
“We could do that…and I probably should get a box…but I’ve still got a little bit of a sweet tooth,” Deth confessed. “Mind if we grab some ice cream before we head back to your place?”
Aurora never once considered that he was trying to delay the process of heading back to her house.
“I’d love that,” she agreed. “But it’s gotta be my treat, okay?”
**
Establishing early on that they would be the kind of couple to split the bill as evenly and as often as possible was just fine by Deth, who thought himself lucky to be dating a girl with those kinds of resources in the first place.
His family wasn’t poor, but he only had so much money to go around, and after their fancier meal together at dinner, he would have been tapped for the upcoming week if he’d been tasked with handling their ice cream.
Aurora wasn’t judging him for that: if anything, she was just happy to be walking alongside him and slurping the melting cream from her own cone…though she was disappointed that he hadn’t made a comment about her tongue, just yet.
I’ve heard of oblivious guys before, but…how are you not able to tell that I’m basically slow dancing with this stuff? She thought. If I go any slower it’s gonna start pouring down my wrist…
She wasn’t trying to be overt about her intentions, at first. She wanted to work into things slowly, but the closer they came to her house, the worse brain freeze she was going to have when she was forced to stuff half the cone down her throat.
Deth was already almost done with his own frozen treat, and it wasn’t until he actually looked over at Aurora that he noticed her tongue coiling all the way around the creamy globe; her lipstick would have been stained if she let anything go any further, but the lion wasn’t ignorant of what he’d just watched an emulation of.
He felt breathless at what he thought she was trying to imply, but he couldn’t bring himself to be the one to start that particular conversation, especially when he still hadn’t felt the kinds of thrills that he thought he was supposed to.
There had never even been a stirring between his legs, and he knew what that was supposed to feel like, even when it only ever happened by happenstance.
“You’re m-making quite a mess there, aren’t you?” he finally asked, unable to ignore the weight of her stare upon him any longer. “Guess we’d better get you inside and get you cleaned up…r-real shame, that, since it’s such a nice night.”
She knew she was making him nervous, but Aurora didn’t mind taking the lead on things, assuming that Deth was every bit as inexperienced in the bedroom as he actually was.
“Pretty sure I can handle cleaning myself up, but if you’re gonna be a gentleman and make me such an offer, I’m afraid I can’t say no,” she murmured, thinking that she was still playing along with him; she hadn’t noticed that she was effectively tugging him along, anymore. “We should probably sneak in the back, though…don’t want to bother my folks if we can avoid it.”
There was a thrill, at that: the idea that they were doing something scandalous, perhaps even something her parents would frown on…he couldn’t ignore the nerves he felt knowing that, but he didn’t know if that was the same as what he should have felt, considering what was about to happen.
But how do I know if it’s gonna happen? How do I know we won’t just go inside and sit on her bed and talk or something? There’s nothing wrong with that, right?
His mind was racing, but he did everything he could to keep his nerves bottled up behind a wide, cheesy smile. The last thing he wanted was for Aurora to think that he didn’t like her; he was sure that he did, but having seen how distraught Flair and Naia were by their own breakup, he wasn’t prepared to go through something like that anytime soon.
Following Aurora down the driveway and around to the back door, he was trembling with every step that he took, but he stayed on step behind her, not letting her see just how nervous he was about going into her house.
It’s normal, right? To be nervous about going into a girl’s house for the first time? To maybe meet her parents right when I walk in the door?
“They’re busy…TV is turned way up,” Aurora whispered, giving Deth’s paw a quick tug. “C’mon. We can totally sneak into my room without them hearing us.”
The fact that he was being ushered in left Deth feeling akin to a dirty little secret. He wondered for a moment if Aurora was ashamed of him, but when he didn’t immediately answer her, she looked back at him with wide, honest eyes.
Her expression refused to hide just how eager she was to be alone with him, and though he didn’t fully understand the sensations welling up inside of him, Deth wondered if that was how it felt to be desired, as opposed to feeling that way about someone else.
It was all happening a little too fast, and the headrush continued as he nodded to her, not wanting to disappoint her. He could still feel the chill of the ice cream cone on her digits as she clenched his paw and rushed him through the narrow, aged kitchen and tiptoed up the stairs with him.
Fumbling through the dark and moving as quietly as he could, Deth wondered if Aurora was lifting her tail on purpose, but he thought himself a proper gentleman for not looking under her dress at those peaking moments. The opportunity was there, and he was sure he felt Aurora looking back at him to try and follow his gaze, but he never gave into that temptation.
Whether it was genuine curiosity about her fashion sense, or a more natural desire to see the rest of her body, he couldn’t discern…and that alone was concerning for him.
By the time they reached her bedroom door, Deth was starting to pant with his nerves, but Aurora hadn’t picked up on the reason for that just yet. “Winded by heading up the stairs, babe? We’ve gotta get you off those video games and get you onto a treadmill,” she teased, her voice a whisper that tickled his eardrum with every word…but it didn’t send a chill down his spine, like he thought it should.
Following her into the bedroom behind a quiet click, Deth found himself face to face with Aurora, her bedroom door closed and her bedroom eyes staring into his own all the while.
“Or maybe there’s another way we can build up your endurance?”
Deth gulped, but he didn’t have the words to answer that. His smile couldn’t have been more nervous, but it was still a smile…and that was all Aurora was looking for, as she leaned in close and pressed her paws to his chest.
The lion let her weight move him into the door with a delicate thump, and against his chest, the warmth of her touch was permeating his shirt, tantalizing the fur underneath…but something was still off.
He wasn’t in the middle of a peak of excitement, but a strange void of it, instead.
“If I’m moving too fast, just…j-just tell me to stop, baby,” she kept her voice barely a whisper as she pressed her breasts into his torso and let her lips dance their way up the side of his neck. She’d have to go up on her tiptoes to steal the final kiss from him, but they’d kissed plenty of times in the week leading up to that moment.
Deth could sense her intentions were more than a quick peck on the cheek, and against his quivering form, Aurora wasn’t slowing down.
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