I've heard stories of people that start commissions that end up getting all uppity about it 'cause of things like people complaining about prices and things like "Oh, I'll pay for a commission, can you do this?" "No, I refuse." I've even heard things like, and this is really specific, an artist opening commissions to reach a goal for something, someone deciding they want to pay off the whole thing all at once, and the artist rejecting it 'cause that's not the point of them opening commissions. I say all this only from stories I've heard and minimally experienced.

I'm dealing with a whole different problem. I've gotten to the point where I can rarely draw without being paid for it or without the prospect of earning money being a part of it. I can do very little drawing for myself. It's a recurring problem, really.

What if I pay you to draw what you want?

Thoughtful! But a few friends have tried that and I wind up doing the art equivalent of running around like a chicken with its head cut off.

Dang, I would've totally been up for that

I appreciate the thought

yeez...... Hope that resolves itself with time, for sure. Meanwhile, I'm dealing with similar, in some reverse fashion or what have you. I'm just starting out, but have no confidence in anything I put my effort into, like it's never good enough. I mean, I like what I've done thus far, even if it's just little edits to something created in someone else's style (from a creation engine), but I have bigger plans for my main OC, and I'm afraid I'll never reach my own standards I've set for myself.

I'd commission others to make art of her, but I have no money to do so. I'd open commissions, but not only do I not have a means to collect, but the pressure would be on to actually complete it. I'm open to trades and encourage art of my main character (the second one 'cause I want to analyze others' approach to her and attempt to spin how they did it in my own way (I'm a kinesthetic learner)), but nobody I want to see my main one drawn in do trades. So I'm just stuck in a rut where I can't ask for art, I can't pay for art, and I'm not confident in my own abilities to do it myself.

Sorry if that turned into a rant there........

I hate to tell you, but the sense that your work isn't good enough never really goes away. At least, it hasn't for me. The good thing is that you can turn that into drive to improve if you can focus it in that direction.

Since you're just starting out, I have a word of advice: Maintain some kind of day job while you build a fanbase. Keep developing your skill in some shape or form, no matter how small, every time you sit down to draw. Once you've got a base of like...10,000+ followers, then it's more or less safe to make art your sole income or if you happen to get scooped up into an industry position (on that note, start assembling an SFW portfolio right now and keep adding to it so you have something to present to a possible employer).

All of that is, of course, if you ever intend on art to be your career. If not, feel free to hand-wave everything I just said.

Nah, it's good advice. And maybe some day I'll make money off it. But until then, I want to keep it as a hobby, and nothing more. I also have the precedent of my hardcore ADHD causing me to abandon projects. 9 years of it, actually.........

You too eh? It's a miserable thing, innit?

I hear that one.

Gahhhh.... 😟

I'm sorry you feel like this. I know it might not be your intent. But this is crushing to look at.

I really hope art isn't becoming some joylessly dispensed process for you.

But I can sympathize with feeling trapped between needing to earn a living through your craft but not being able to do that craft for yourself in a way you can enjoy.


You're still one of favorite artists. I sincerely hope you'll be able to find more opportunities to work on passion pieces for yourself.

Knowing alot of what I commission isn't in your personal sphere of interest. I hope I haven't added to much to what you've been feeling.


*send all the sqrl hugs* ♡

You haven't contributed to the problem - I promise. None of my clients have.

My current state is my own doing. I jumped into commission work way too soon. Granted, my day job employment never went well. I had a lot of trouble holding down a job (and usually for stupid reasons such as being framed and fired from Subway thanks to a bitch who was embezzling from the store). So I kinda had to make a quick decision in order to keep my head afloat.

Eventually, it wound up with me basically never drawing for myself due to backlog guilt aaaaaaaaaaaand I kind of internalized all that mess, so now I my commission to personal art ratio has spiraled to about 10-15:1 or so.

TLDR: Long series of stupid decisions got me where I am now. Low income, low drive, low hope.

I know hope can seem low and coming from me this may mean nothing. But i promise life gets better. I have been in shitty times that i wanna die, because of how useless i felt.

In the last few years i got narcolepsy and its initially hit on your brain if not born with it can fuck you up. It took away my ability to draw. I had to relearn everything i went to school for, everything i knew. With my health any of the few commissions i get now are not able to help my house financially but no ome wants to hire me. So i know where you are. I get it. A good thing to do is vent and my notes are always open. But i promise if you stick to it, and get those you love to help you find your balance it will get better. You are very good at what you do and i can imagine that work that went into that skill will do amazing things. As long as you want it to.
Another artist i watch actually has a Monday to friday 1-9pm art time only. Maybe making a timetable for yourself?

Ps my son says cuddle up to someone or something it may help you feel better. And he is sorry he can't share his unicorns (his favorite thing he has alot of stuffies of them)

Please tell your son thank you from me. That's a very sweet gesture, and I'm touched. <3

It's funny you should mention the 1-9 time table. I was just discussing that with roomie. I'm used to running my work hours from about 4pm to 11pm snice I'm up till the wee hours of the morning. I keep hearing that it's better to start your day in the morning and work earlier in the day where there's daylight and such, so I kind of floated the idea of pulling my hours back into the sunlight to try and reduce the slog.

I'm terribly sorry to hear about how your ability to produce art has been impacted. I can only hope that you'll fully recover someday.

He says thank you, your nice.

I will never do my art the same so now i have a new style. It was soul crushing at first. But i had to get ovee that hump first. Then i had to let go of the fact i can't do things i used to. I carve out usually from 9/9:30pm after my kids are asleep till i pass out (usually no later than midnight so i can be a passable human the next day) i promise balance will kick the tummy monster in the ass (how i refer to anxiety and the intrusive bad thoughts to my kids. My daughter is diagnosed with anxiety.)

Remember if you need to vent to someone who isn't in your life 24/7 i volunteer

I think I'll work on editing my schedule - thank you very much for your kindness and sharing.

I'm happy that you've found a new style to work with (a very cute one at that). I don't think I'd have been able to handle that particular hump, so you have my admiration to be sure. Your journey couldn't have been easy. :<

I honestly can't thank you or anyone else who reached out to me enough. I've resolved to take a week off in March when my roommate takes his week off. I'm also going to move my hours around and see if that helps any. I think, also, once I finish my current batch of commissions I might work out some kind of commission hiatus to try and get back to who I am as an artist. Cuz, I look back on the amount of art I used to kick out and it saddens me so much to see what the burn-out has done to me. I have to recover. I must.

All said, I may well take you up on your offer sometime. Thank you, again, for that. <3

Of course. I am glad to hear you are taking time for you.

Remember everyone goes through tough times. You are amazing, and it's ok to need a break.

💕💕💕

If you are able, take the first week of every month where you don't accept money, no requests, and just draw for you. If you like what results, share it.

That's a good idea O_O I'll check it over with clients

Now if only we could just actually convert to being robots and just, like, edit the emotions we don't like.

They can't replace us with machines if we become machines! The dehumanizing nature of modern technology could be harnessed intentionally to turn yourself into a sweet rave party! Put lights under your synthetic skin so you glow!

That would be the absolute shit! I'd 1000% roll with that.

The Flesh is weak, embrace steel! Shiny and chrome!

I guess we know what your next alt is gonna be.