It was very pretty Vale.

:) thanks. whats your opinion on the last to stanzas? do you think they kinda sound funny?

The first one is worded a little weird, I think the second one is still fine though

what do you think i can do to fix that markypoo?

I would just reword the first line in that first stanza, cause thats really the only thing that makes it sound funny ;). I think I understand what it was suppose to mean but still I would just be a little more blunt. Mabye 'it would last forever' instead of 'forever'? The meter doesnt have to be spot on. Also watch this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OonDPGwAyfQ&feature=related

i do proof read DX. i just dont recognize my own mistakes because im dislexic silly!.....idk you suggestion kinda dissrupts the flow i was going for. would it sound better as

But he told her forever
and he hurt her so
what should she think
in all her woe?

Yeah, the rhythm still matches. Go with that.
And I said reword not proofread! So RAWR

well RAWR yourself!!