[Transcribing Datalog 20XX1222HJWV.]
[sigh]
This is Zacques with another mechanics test. This is AI core test number seven hundred and twenty six. Unit can you speak your designation?
This is unit one thousand and fifty five, prototype seventy four, current processing version zero point nine five A.
Voice box seems realistic enough and audio input seems to be working too. Self-diagnostics is new. Can you move your right arm?
…
Now move your left arm.
…
Arms are working, very fluidly I might add, finally added in that curve to the hydrolics. Seems to be working. What do you see?
I see three small cubes in front of me, a green, a red, and a blue one.
Optical sensors are working. Can you stack them up?
…
Mechanical problem solving is unchanged, still fine-tuned.
Can you move your head to the left and right? Tell me what you see next to you.
There are some colored holes, I can place the blocks inside them.
Can you place the blocks into the respective holes?
The red one will not fit, the hole is a circle.
Visual problem solving is optimized. Just fit in what you can.
[Hollow wooden noises]
The block fitting task is complete.
Great, can you locate and move your legs?
…
I am moving them currently, but I cannot visually locate them.
That’s right, let me lower you down onto them…
[Whirring of hydraulics, clicking of metal and the rolling of curved glass on metal]
Can you do a lap around the room?
[Soft footsteps]
Can you place the red block in the respective hole?
Yes sir.
[Soft footsteps, wood on wood]
The block fitting task is complete.
Great. How many screw drivers are there in this room?
Fourteen currently visible
How heavy were each of the cubes?
One hundred and fifteen grams each.
…
All tests are green, time for a break.
Would you like a glass of water?
…
No. Later.
[End of Transcription]
[Transcribing Datalog 20XX0105OSDE]
This is Zacques with a behavioral test. This is AI core test number seven hundred and twenty six. Unit can you speak your designation?
This is unit one thousand and fifty five, prototype seventy four, current processing version zero point nine five A.
Where are we?
We’re in your room, Zacques.
Can you state my designation?
Zacques. Current Administrative head of engineering and maintenance. Currently working. Access level: Administrative. You have one new company message.
Play message.
‘This is a test message. Also, haii Zacques! Lets have dinner later! Byeee.’
[quiet groan]
Can you reply?
Yes.
Tell her ‘fine’.
[End of Transcription]
[Transcribing Datalog 20XX0105OSDF]
[door unlocking]
Welcome back, sir.
Mmhmm woah… you cleaned up my room.
Yes. I have organized your room based on objects you have not recently interacted with.
Wha- how could you tell?
The amount of dust collected on everything. Anything not dusty was left in its original position.
…
Very impressive…
How was your meal with miss-
Fine, it went fine. I guess.
I detect amusement in your voice. Much more than your usual deadpan.
Do you want to get turned off?
[End of Transcription]
[Transcribing Datalog 20XX0121BBDD]
This is Zacques, this time with Jermone. Say hi.
Hi.
Anyway, we’re going to start the user-friendly portion of the tests now. Jermone for this test I need you to shut up and not talk until to, do you understand me?
Yes sir.
Very good. Now please lay down on this bed.
Unit you can come in now.
[squeaking]
Jermone, comments?
That’s a robot? Well, its head is a bit big for a living creature. Kinda looks like you. Haha.
Waterbot, please give Jermone some love and attention.
[Footsteps, bed creaking]
First impressions?
Haa… Its not as heavy as I thought, just like lot of water. Kinda sloshes around over me. Its belly is soft but glass at the same time?
Specially made polymer, cheaper that it sounds.
How is he this soft?
Theres some padding between the soft and hard layers, its touch sensitive too. Try touching its tail and butt. Those places have extra padding.
[squeaking]
Are you getting off on this?
M-maybe. Does this thing have a hole?
If I’m interpreting you right: no.
W-what!? You made a robot that doesn’t have sex in a sex hotel!?
Just means more for you.
…
I guess… this does feel kinda nice tho…
Unit, can you go a little rougher on him?
Woah! Hey!
See if you can escape while he holds you down.
[Squeaking mouse and mattress]
It’s stronger than it looks!
That’s because it can lock its joints in place. Lets see if it can make you cum.
WOAH! WAIT NO!
[more squeaking. Panting.]
NO STOP. TURN OFF. SHUT DOWN.
I’m sorry, you’ll need admin privileges for that.
[Incoherent moaning and mumbling]
Mmmhmmm. Im going to take a shower.
[End of Transcription]
[Transcribing Datalog 20XX0121BBDF]
Wow, you look tired.
That’s because it doesn’t stop….
Yeah, it has about 2 more days of power left, running 24/7. It’s got a aqueous generator inside that runs off of the liquid in its body.
TWO DAYS?
Ill let you go after tonight. If you’re thirsty I can let it drip into your mouth. Just hold your head still.

• WHAT THE HELL.

Just kidding. But it can do that.
This is freaking me out. Its head is kinda big and round.
What, I thought you’re into weird and wildly shaped partners in bed.
Yeah but it’s kinda of intimidating, can you put eyes on it or something? You gotta make it marketable.
…
Good idea. You get a reward.
Thanks, I guess… What what reward!?
Waterbot, can you entertain this mouse based on his personal needs?
Yes, Zacques! According to company records, Jermone seems to be very fond of chastity and being roughhoused. I can keep him busy for few hours!
Hmm. Aboot time
[End of Transcription]

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