Ilthough I have not seen the guid you used I could see many simularties inbeavyor as what has been writen in many books for as writing has esisted. You stuck pretty well to how many scientific and mythologicle specialists have sugested over the years. Especialy involving mettle and non-mettle dragons. As far as your writing its self goes I say well done! It was esy to falow and it made movie like images play in my head as if I was realy watching this wyrmling on his adventure.

Thanks, I try to use a lot of imagery in my stories in order to kind of get that head-movie experience going. Thank you for confirming that it works! Me so happyy !

Okay, going back through everything to give a better critique, so here we go...

Alright, something that's been buggin' me, why is this written in present tense as opposed to past tense? The previous installment was in past tense, and I think the rest of them are too. It seems a bit awkward to just randomly write an installment in a different tense, unless you're going for some sort of effect (which, if you are, doesn't seem readily apparent). Also, you're a bit inconsistent with this, slipping into past tense occasionally ("he heard something wonderful: the call of a baby seal on the other side of that ice sheet ― and it sounded hurt! Excited at the prospect of his first kill, the wyrmling breaks into a run...," "Darastrix creeps up behind a bush...Then something happened...his stomach growled."). Unless you have some sort of purpose of making this chapter present tense, I'd change it to past tense--and I'd try to stay in the same tense throughout, regardless.

Okay, next, do you really need to give credit to Lisa Trumbauer at the end of the piece? You're not selling the story or anything, and I don't think your use of the information counts as plagiarism--I'm 99% sure it falls under fair use, but I'll have to check. It just looks awkward there, so I'd remove it, or, if you think the citation is absolutely necessary, I'd put it in the description of the story instead of the actual story.

As much as I know you'd need to present background info on dragons to the probably-ignorant reader, your frequent parenthetical asides (yeah, I did make that term up) got annoying, and some of them are unnecessary ones.

And...shit, I gotta go. I'll finish this tomorrow. >_>

:p Everything from chapters 1-6 is being narrated to you by a story teller, who speaks in the first and last paragraphs, and in the description. Chapter seven reveals the story teller to be a grown-up Darastrix who then takes you with him into the present. From there on, the story is told in the first-person.

...Shit, you're right. It's been awhile since I read through the whole series...but besides that, I still say you should watch out for slipping into random tenses.

Alright, now where was I again? Oh, yeah, the asides...like I was saying, they got annoying with your using them so frequently. For the relevant background, you can probably include the info within the actual line of thought instead of interrupting the sentences. For example, this:

"The poor thing has its right flipper (which is undoubtedly broken) and most of its lower body stuck in a crack in the ice!'

could probably be rewritten as this:

"The poor thing has its broken right flipper and most of its lower body stuck in a crack in the ice!"

Likewise, this:

"Then, on a whim, he decided to take a little flight around the area to familiarize himself with his new (he assumed it was his, anyway. Wyrmlings have only the vaguest idea of possession) territory." (note the awkward placement of the aside. Say it out loud. Doesn't it sound strange to go off on a tangent between "territory" and its adjective "new", especially since the comment is focusing on "his"? It sounds better if the comment is placed at the very end of the sentence or right after "his", although I think the latter would sound a bit unnatural, too)

Could possibly be rewritten something like this:

"Then, on a whim, he decided to take a little flight around the area to familiarize himself with what he assumed was his new territory."

These, of course, are only suggested revised sentences, and I'm aware I cut some information out of them. Rewrite it how you wish. For comments that impart no real info, such as "even a wyrmling," "this time," and, "I told you they slept a long time," I suggest that you either remove them or just work them into the sentence somehow. I know that this is narrated and it'd be only natural to have such comments, but they do seem to get distracting at times.

Now, believe me, I'm not trying to do this to be malicious or nitpicky or anything like that--I did actually enjoy reading this. It's just that I feel that you could really help a writer by giving him a detailed insight on his piece if you can instead of just, "Pretty good. I like this." To that end, I'm trying to get away from the one-liners if I can and force myself to become a better critiquer, both to assists others and hopefully improve my own skills. I hope I've made some progress in that goal here, and I did say I'd have to read everything again so I could better comment on it, right?

Oh, and by the way, I would have finished the last comment, but my mom walked right in the door at that moment, and I really can't be on FA while someone's home. The fact that the only computer in the house is located in my mom's room doesn't help matters much...

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Was I...not helpful at all?

I'm glad that you're trying to give some constructive criticism, but you don't need to write a whole paper on what I did wrong. Leave some room for other people's comments, kay?