So uh this audio file is FOUR YEARS OLD, I never posted it because I wanted to replace my low-quality guitar recording with some like actual other instruments and things but folks, I just don't know how to do that and I don't have the time! If you think you could do a good job at it drop me a line and I might commission you to, I have the isolated vocal track at the ready!

The singer is ProZD, who you can find on YouTube here! I hired him >:)

LYRICS

My name is Faustus
I am male
I work nine to five on weekdays
In retail

My guy friends all have girlfriends
And that makes me kinda sad
So that's why I'm here writing to you
In this Lonely Hearts column ad

I like long walks on the beach
I like dancing the Watusi
I'm a real straightforward guy
What you get, babe
Is what you see

I won't hit you or hurt you or push you around
I'll take you out Sundays and we'll see the town
And you'll be so glad that you left the house
To go on a date with your new boyfriend Faust… us

I like girls with long black hair
But I'd settle for a brunette
Or kind of a blackish brown
Or as close to black as you can get

And if you could wear overcoats, that would be great
And if you could wear heels then you'd be a swell date
But I know you could try every style in the book
And never compare to how she used to look

Her name was Susan
She was mine
She was everything I wanted
All combined

And yeah, there may have been times when we fought
And yeah, we threw plates at each other a lot
But the bottom line is, you'll never be Susan
The bottom line is, no one will ever be Susan
The bottom line is, I still love you, Susan
Come back to me, Susan!
Come back to me!

I like drives along the coast
I like going to the movies
It's true that I'm no Howard Hughes
But my love's worth more than rubies

If you like what you've read here then give me a call
And we'll go out together and we'll have a ball
And I won't think about my ex-girlfriend at all
206-555-1218