I've since a wreck since I had to run Shade to the emergency vet yesterday. I've been trying to focus on other things, I've tried drawing, I've tried working, I've tried movies, reading, sleeping.. nothing will work any more...

Finally around 3am I go to bed, it's a restless night. I toss and turn constantly. In the blankets, out the blankets, my mind is racing so fast it's blurred, my eyes so sore from the salt shed earlier, my breathing is shallow from a stuffed nose..

Finally I get moments of sleep, or what felt like moments.. I remember stretching out my legs, and as I did so my toes reached out and brushed against something soft.

Shade always sleeps at the end of my bed by my feet. Why he takes my abusive kicking I have no idea, but that is always his place. My mind reeled back, shade wasn't here. Or was he? Had this all been a bad dream? Was shade back for me? I leaped upwards in a jolt at the realization and looked down to my feet, my eyes cloudy at first.. Slowly the faint lights settle and I can focus, I only see a much smaller lighter puppy curled against my feet.. No shade in sight..

My heart rocked to a hard stop and ached heavily... My lips tremble and I clutch my eyes. When I open them again candy is cocking her head back to look at me, ears back, I can't help but reach down and pull her close and cry softly to myself.

Oh shade.. We all miss you.. Please come back to us safe and sound.... Please please please....

Why couldn't this just be a nightmare to wake up from...