YESTERDAY slotherin18 made an interesting post. Calling for creating a mother for Dick the 2nd and Dread Baron. Whomst did Dick the 1st fuck !? We had a very few indications : the doctor slapped her for giving birth to such ugly babies, she would have preferred if her son had a hamster instead of a dog, and she is still alive by the reboot living with her husband and collecting creepy haunted dolls in the basement terrorizing Dick the 3rd so either a witch or a goth or both. And probably very tall like the Dastardlys and why not have Dread Baron's nose. Soooo  Xtaabay and I had had a concept for a while and it was the occasion to finally flesh it out. So today we officially created her : Ermine Dastardly, forever middle aged German witch who will probably outlive her whole family but she doesn't care for she can speak with the dead, crazy, sadistic and antisocial as fuck who even if she loves her family can be very posessive towards her kids (trying to ruin relationships so in laws wouldn't be preferred over her ; worked by having DD2 marrying Delilah he gave 0 fuck about) and her husband liiiike we will see right now :
It had been centuries Ermine had existed and even if she wasn't without success since she did have her charms, it never lasted more than one night stands because she had 0 social skills, her witchy behaviour with curses and spells and being too crazy and forward scared men away. All she asked for was to be put a ring on her finger and have a prestigious man treat her like a queen forever ! And she did always feel lonely too, alone with her caldron (probably a vicious circle makikg her crazier). So when in the end of 1910's and early 1920's her fellow spinster witches started to get married with WW1 German veterans after their country lost because they had known so much terror and humiliation so these decorated men just didn't care anymore, she knew she had to get her own ! From then on she started to go to soirées and mundane parties to meet military people hoping to attract them in her pretty flapper looks. And one day around early-mid 1920's, she met him. Richard Mulhous Dastardly, a British American spy who had been workikg with Germany the whone war. And even if he had been sent home after a humiliating failure at intercepting an American pigeon around the end of the war, his past not without prestige : decorations, given secret missions, a skilled pilot, an ace pilot even which implied he killed people in air battles (SEXY FOR AN EVIL WITCH)... Jackpot ! He was even tall and had a nice moustache ! So she came to him and started flirting, and since she was pretty he was quite interested too. But after a while, her enthusiasm took over again lack of mortal social abilities had her be too forward and start asking if he were single, if he thought of marrying her etc. That immediatly turnt him off and he lost interest. AH NO ! She wasn't going to let it happen again ! She had planned it and had taken a love potion just in case she slipped in his drink. For the next 3 hours, he would be completely gaga for her immediatly asking for her hand and they wouls organize the wedding, the spell wearing off just after the priest pronounced them married. She was sooo happy she finally had her ring ! Take that, bitchy witches ! But to her naive surprise, he was NOT happy, showing his horror and manic, calling her names, demanding the wedding to be cancelled, pushing her away whenever she tried to hug or kiss him etc. Weren't they happy forever in books once married ? Why wasn't he accepting this ? He could not divorce, it went against his boomer principles, but he sure planned to NOT consider her as his wife and not touch her at all ! OOH HOW DARE HE ! So that meant war ! For some years these 2 would go a silent insulting war where they would try to get what they wanted, her to follow him and insist on their marriage (he ended up finally accepting to have her live with him in US after she followed him wherever he went thanks to her teleporting spell), and him by either hoping she would grow bored or that he would die of old age soon enough, he was 40 already after all (and for this, another potion to double his remaining lifespan in his coffee...), all while insulting each other, fighting, glaring at each other with hateful groans and cheating on each other him him to keep living like he did before knowing her and her for her frustrated needs. After a few years, they were resigned, accepting to be unhappily married and just ignoring each other, silently glaring or just saying hi, him resigned to be married to that hag and her resigned to never be served by a nice husband. But after more years, their resignation turnt into acceptance. They lived under the same roof after all and it felt even lonelier to be alone when there is someone. So why not trying to at least interact more than just "hi" or they would feel like dying at home. So they started chatting. Learning things about each other (so that's how you fly a plane ? Oh that's how you fly a broom). Exchanging. Discussing. Be curious about each other. Find out they have very similar morals (killing people and be asses to people ? NOICE) and similar tastes. Sympathizing (his pigeon PTSD, her lonely will to be noticed). All the bonding, socializing, listening and, venting ans comforting slowly turnt after some years into a sort of villainous friendship they had not planned, before turning after even more years, by the mid-late 1940's, into an actual villainous romance. An actual couple life having blossomed from a very toxic start thanks to patience and the fact they are cartoon villains. Nowadays they still are married while and even if they have evil standards and act like an old married couple especially now he gets more and more old with time, it still works and they are strangely happy with the rocky beginnings. The twins Dick and Dread were made during their first honeymoon they organized to truely officialize that marriage to themselves

Wacky Races © Hanna Barbera and Warner Bros
Ermine, idea and theories ©  Xtaabay and me
Drawing © me