„!Pinkie‘s Party Journal! - Lost in the Twilight!“
„Uhmmm...what‘s with the foreboding title, Pinkie?“ asked her trusty Deputy-In-Disguise Derpy, peeking over her shoulder and pointing a hoof at the colorful markings and the cute little winged cupcake drawing.
The pink pony perked up and gave her fellow pony a radiant smile, laying out the straight, literal logic of the situation :
„Easy! It‘s past sun-down already, and thanks to your skillful, adventurous driving, we are completely lost! Fuuun!“ the party-pony answered, sarcasm-free and cheery even in their most severe predicament – a dwindling supply of ice cream.
Yet her fellow Pony didn‘t quite share that keen eye on their melting reserves. She only observed in misplaced doubt : „The car’s nav is down, and how is that fun? I still think they scammed you with that truck, but I‘ll have us back in town soon.“ With just a moment of further hesitation, the cute, if clumsy mare added „Err...also, why are you writing this down?“
„Oh, right!“ the Party Pony said, putting down the pen.

Derpy just sighed, pulling down her pony head to wipe a good amount of sweat from the brow, sounding a soft chuckle. „Pinkie will be Pinkie, I guess. But you‘d think an ice cream van would be at least cool inside. What‘s with this weird heat wave in autumn?“

„Oh, pish tosh, don‘t loose your head, dear Derpy. Trust me, I am wise to your plot to distract me with some zany antics, pretend to drive the van, then sneak into the cold storage to munch allll of the remaining ice cream. And then you‘d be too full to even move!“ the pink pony delivered with animated gestures.

„Pinkie. That‘s called Projection. I have a sweet tooth, but I quit after two or three cones.” Derpy laid out patiently. “Still wouldn‘t be too bad to cool down a bit. This hunt for Twilight has been harder than imagined. They don‘t even have an address for us?”

Now the party pony seemed just a wee bit embarrassed. „Well, to be honest...uh. That was a bust. Turns out we fell prey to a social media scam complex as a layer cake. The Twilight we thought we had...NEVER EXISTED! It was a sock puppet! Apparently a whole buncha people wrote her on purpose, to confuse another faction in a fandom war or something like that.“

„Ouch. Imagine Luna‘ll be pissed off.“ Derpy mumbled, now a good bit happier they weren’t in Ponyville right now.

Pinkie just snickered. „Oh yeah, IT‘s Scouting Team was sent back to Friendship Academy for remedial classes all right. And no cupcakes for a week! Cruel and unusual punishment.“

“Better than no muffins” Derpy mouthed, fetching one off the nearby snack trays. That definitely was a perk when traveling with Pinkie. Though tilting her head questioningly, she asked between bites: „So why are we still here then, carrying around another bunch o‘ costumes?“

„Be prepared! Besides, there‘s another thing we might be needed to help out with. Seems we have a Doggy on our tails!“

„A doggy?“ Derpy just blinked in confusion.

„A Snoop! Dog. Get it?“ Pinkie proclaimed brightly, busting into an enthused rap verse.

That brought even the mail pony to blink and sound a soft groan, if with a smile too. “Yeah, sure. I get it, I get it already! So what about it? Isn‘t that the job of Ops to clear out? Royal guard maybe even? I heard they got a few police ponies not too long ago.“

„I don‘t know. And they told me they were still being integrated. But we‘re close to the area, so can claim first dibs. Maybe it‘s just a fan girl, but we should make sure she‘s no trouble. It came in as a tip from our social media team. They traced a local library, but from there on, we have to play pony detectives, going off our cheat-sheet here.“

„Right. Sure we aren‘t after Twilight still, libraries and all? What else can you tell us?“ Derpy considered.

„A lot! She‘s secretive. Early twenties by profile birthday. Her avatar has hair like chocolate brownie crust, and she’s yuuuge!. And she likes old detective schlock.“ Pinkie listed with her usual enthusiasm. It didn’t quite translate to Derpy though.

„That is rather generic. How are we supposed to find her.“

„Oh, that‘s simple. Dumb luck! That‘s why I have you with me.“ pinkie cheered, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

„Excuse me? Gee. How flattering.“ the clumsy pony mumbled, just a bit offended and confused, even if another muffin quickly soothed her.

„Come onnnnnn! It‘s a compliment! It‘s like my Pinkie sense – which definitely would be tingling now too. Your random luck and ability to just burst into things, and my ability to be prepared for any party combined will surely bring us to surprise success!“ The pink pony sounded, with utter conviction and clarity of purpose.

There was a moment of complete silence before her companion spoke: „Uh. You do realize we aren‘t in a magical cartoon? That‘s not how it works, I...think?“

It didn’t deter Pinkie in the least. „We are ponies! Of course it does. You, Derpy, are a statistical anomaly waiting to happen.“

By this point, Derpy just went along with it for the heck, knowing there was no way getting the party pony off that path. „Fine, fine. If you say so. I guess we may be able to get some hints from the local librarian about a tall girl with brown hair...if you dress, well, casually for once?“ she ended hopefully.

„NEVERRRR! I do the talking, you can be my party cop, and we get this done!“

„Oh the Hay...this‘s gonna be a long night.“ Derpy groaned, but got back into the driver’s seat, taking them on the road again.


Later that evening, in a small village nearby….

It was a dark and stormy night! At least on the starkly lit black and white scenery extending across the modern flat screen TV in all its restored retro glory.

Amanda giggled at the clueless inspector fumbling about yet again, the cool detective in his trench coat letting off an one-liner and tossing away his cigarette, and of course, she cherished the inevitable deepening of the mystery. She also huddled deeper into the warm blankets, getting her lifelong neighborhood friend Paul – his short, stubby form currently stretched out next to her in pajamas – to snort and protest mildly.

„Amy. I don‘t have a foot fetish. Please keep your sweaty, unwashed soles to yourself.“ he bickered playfully, as they usually did – but still made sure to wrap said feet up tidy in the thick sheets with a caring hand, suggesting „I‘m going to make some more popcorn. But it‘s almost time for the meeting. Sure you‘ll really want to lead with this?“

She exhaled, trying to calm down and project confidence. „Positive! I think I‘m close to a breakthrough. Maybe they can help me.“

„They‘re not the most supportive lot, you know? I don‘t like the direction they‘ve gone off to lately. I know how much you want to have your own Scooby Doo gang of Mystery Marauders, but I really think we‘d have more fun just shooting some silly ghost movie scenes during our ruin exploration, put them on Youtube and see if we find some like-minded gals and fellas.“

„Nuh. Ghosts are lame. It‘s always the same inexplicable crap. It starts with such a compelling buildup, local lore weaved into intriguing meshes beyond mere coincidence, building atmosphere and drama...and them some cheap-ass fraudster psychic comes in and blathers about how she can talk to the dead, feel a lot of sorrow, and can ritually cleanse the evil spirits, boom, case dead right there. Or worse, we get some cheap-ass poltergeist or bad CGI that‘s supposed to be mysterious and spooky, but is all lies. I‘m done with the genre.“ Amy raged, getting her friend to smile at the expected tell-off.

He still couldn‘t help nagging a little bit more. „Someone sounds a wee bit bitter. I recall a rather colorful tale of old basements, a homemade ‘ghost detector’, flickering flashlights and misplaced water buckets. I‘d have given that a 7/10 on IMDB with a good director‘s cut.“

Amy hid her blushing face under the blanket, grumbling „You‘re impossible sometimes. Should I bring up your youth sins too? ‘Hottest sauce on the planet- Will I actually snort fire’ ring any bell? You snorted something alright. No, I‘m past that hogwash.“

Paul held up his hands „Fair, I concede. But ghosts or not, you still like cartoons with silly dogs and bumbling teens. Why would this be much worse?“

„It‘s called nostalgia. And it had good ideas littered throughout, some of the series were even excellent. Also...don‘t tell me YOU are a cartoon snob, I have seen your Netflix account.“ Amy shot back with a smirk.

„Oh, come ON….let‘s just focus on our shared appreciation for classic detective drama, smart mystery shows and cheesy monster movies? Plenty of overlap.“ he summarized.

„You dork. But point taken.“ she voiced, before giving a long sigh.

„Okay. Now please tell me what is wrong? If our usual bickering isn‘t really cheering you up. It must be pretty serious.“ Paul asked rather directly now.

„I‘m working on something big. You know that. And I‘m not the best at presenting.“

He snorted. „Yes. You haven‘t let me see your planning room lately either. But I‘m pretty sure you could sell it as a set for about any obsessively plotting batman villain by now. That‘s not what‘s unsettling you though. Collecting clues is your therapy when the world gives you anxiety. So...what is it really?“

She sighed, looking at the ground for a moment, then just voiced shyly „I think they won‘t believe me.“

„Excuse me? Last time, you told me they lead with sugar making you fat because it contains nanomachines controlled by the government, and how there‘s a secret cabal bent on world domination exclusively composed of gay Hollywood actors.” He got up and took her arm. „Amy. We have talked about this. You don‘t need their approval. Just do your investigative stuff, and if something comes of it, we place an anonymous tip with the cops, done. I know you are smart and capable. You do you, and once it‘s all proven, you can just laugh at them.“

„No. I have to do this. I have to learn the confidence too!“ she resisted.

Now he gave a long sigh. „All right. I‘ll make your favorite nachos later, kays? So don‘t get upset. And feel free to call me anytime, okay? Don‘t get obsessed. I can‘t have you complaining the next two weeks about the outcome of your comfort eating.“

„Paul Spade. You damnable little dwarf...are you calling me fat?“

„Yepp! What are you gonna do about it?“

Just seconds later, something soft smacked viciously into his face, almost letting him fall flat into the couch, to the rousing, now shared yell of “PILLOWFIGHT!“


An hour later, in a mansion downtown…

„Mystery of the Missing Mare? What‘s next, The Gift Horse Holdup?“ the eldest of the three girls inquired in disgust, eyeing the title card topping the digital whiteboard, showing detailed snapshots of a real-world version which was covered over and over with post-it notes, newspaper clippings and print-outs.

Amy was quick to defend herself, but the relaxed confidence her little playful spat with Paul had given was already melting. „Horse pun is appropriate given the origin context. If you just would look at...“ she tried, just to be interrupted again.

„It‘s stupid, that‘s what it is, Manda. We are looking for genuine, intriguing mysteries. Not some tale of how some anon wannabees hacked radio stations to play synchronized party songs. This is not some big conspiracy. It‘s called „For the lulz“, and people do it all the time. We‘re looking for hard evidence.“ The slightly younger red-head, Morgana, dismissed it all out of hand.

Amanda inhaled deeply, trying to form a coherent reply, but her heartbeat was already fluttering. „I know, I know. But it is curious. See, the same day, there was this circus. People reported they vandalized a car and a house in the area, then just vanished as if they never were there. I went to the house, and it‘s abandoned now, and completely repainted. Was still fresh when I got there. Evidence destruction much? No hint of the former occupant, even though it seems in good shape, and there was no name-change on the sign.“

„So maybe they thought the area was unsafe and left for a better apartment, just haven‘t finalized selling yet? I’d not want to live in an area with supposed creepy clowns.“ the blonde girl sitting a bit in the back claimed, shrugging and playing with her hair boredly.

Amy couldn‘t help but try for more justifying detail. „But that‘s just it. That person suddenly returned and went to a neighborhood party. They told me he was weirdly guarded and always seemed concerned and downright obsessive. Like he had some post traumatic stress symptom. He was acting very unusual, and then vanished again, with no one having a clue as to why. The police were very unhelpful too, downright suspiciously so! I couldn‘t get at any of the evidence, and the local magazine that reported on it wasn‘t in the library archive anymore.“

„That happens all the time. If they aren‘t even on Facebook, why do you think it‘s worth archiving? Print is so out of date, and full of fake stories anyhow“, the three remained unconvinced.

„Just LISTEN to me, would you? This is only one incident of a full dozen! Here, look at the map. They seem random, but all are happening in roughly a 150 mile radius around this town. And do you want to know what happened there?“

Morgana just shook her head in apparent sadness „150 miles? Now you‘re really reaching, girl. That‘s a dang big search ratio. You can find almost anything there. I thought you‘d know your statistics.“

That condescension was enough to make a frustrated yell burst out of Amanda. „DAMMIT. There‘s been twelve abductions, and ALL are linked to a children‘s cartoon show about magical ponies! How‘s THAT for a mystery? Let me lay out exactly how...“

They lost it. They just laughed. All of them. Amanda almost bit into her vintage detective cap, tossing it to the floor in irritation. She realized it sounded incredibly stupid, but the facts...well, apparently they didn‘t matter. It was all the worse when Tracy reached out to comfort her, a gesture dripping with condescension.

„Girl, I get ya. You want some outlandish, crazy conspiracy that no one else could ever find or solve, much less the cops. But that‘s not what we are here for. We look at the facts, and we hunt for the true story behind. Like the Gayle‘s Manor Ghost…”

„I‘ve HAD it with these damnable ghost stories! I hate Ghosts. I hate all those dumb „the government wants to microchip my grandma“ online bullshit theories. And I sure as fuck won‘t go on another damn fake haunted house with you.“

„Manda, dear, you‘re just confused.“

„NO. Paul was right. I‘m done. Find another junior mystery scout.“

She ran, bursting out of the house, jacket wrapped tightly around her shivering form, hoping the darkness and rain would just hide her tears.

Eventually, she found refuge in a small café, ordering a double caramel latte with lots of extra cream. By the dim shine of the art decor lights in the little wooden compartment she had retreated to, she was furiously typing on her laptop. How could they do this to her? She was so close, SO close… Oh, she‘d prove it to them, no matter the cost!


Meanwhile, in a nearby ice cream truck...

„So, how many crimes did we commit tonight?“ Derpy groaned, by now having a lot of expertise just smacking her soft, costumed head against the truck’s walls.

„Uh. I’m not a lawyer pony. Maybe three or four? ...Well, five if you consider the bacon ice cream. That was a mistake.“ Pinkie conceded gracefully.

Derpy just sprawled, rubbing her thick costume hooves in exhaustion. She was too spent to even try to get out of the suit...“I sure remember too many...including those against my dignity and common sense.“

Earlier that night...

„Can I help you?“ the kindly old librarian asked, then reaching for her glasses in wide-eyed surprise as she realized just how unusually her two late-evening visitors were clothed. „Oh my. We do not have a birthday party today. There has to be some kind of mistake.“

A certain life-sized pink anthro pony was, of course, all too eager to grab onto that line of thought. „There‘s NEVER a mistake when it comes to birthday parties. And we want to celebrate with a very special girl. You may have seen her, right? She comes here often, is tall, has brown hair, and loooves parties!“

The librarian clearly was overwhelmed, stammering in confusion „Amanda? I...no, that can‘t be. She is a very quiet and polite young woman. I would not take her for a party person. And please, keep it down. Closing time or not, this is a library.”

„Sorryyyyyy“ Pinkie whispered loudly, jumping around in excited eagerness. „We just wanna surprise...Amanda so much! We have been planning this for ages!“. Derpy just groaned nearby, though was sure Pinkie indeed started party-planning for a person the second she thought they even just might exist.

The librarian just seemed further confused. „There must be a mistake. She doesn‘t even have a birthday today. Let me look.“

„Oh, we‘ll look, don‘t worry. Joink! I‘ll be taking that! Here, have a cupcake!“ the unnaturally nimble-hoofed pony said, exchanging that customer card with the tasty treat with surprising ease.

That was too much even for the flustered librarian. „HEY. You...you costumed ruffians. You can‘t just steal customer information. Get back here, or I‘ll call the police!“ she yelled, shaking a fist.

„Sorrrry, we‘ll mail it back to you. Have a nice evening! Surpriiiise Party!“ Pinkie giggled, storming out of the place, throwing confetti into the air.

Derpy did leave a lot less gracefully, enough so to even make even the Librarian drop the phone and wince, and the pink pony quickly grabbing her accomplice to vanish into the night.

Back in the here and now...

“Well, we got the information we wanted. Who‘d have thunk? Oh, right, I had! See? We are a perfect team!“ Pinkie insisted.

„I didn‘t even do anything useful!“ came the frustrated reply.

„Oh, your distraction at the end was perfect! She was too baffled to call the police. And they even had bird warning stickers on that closed-off door to boot! I mean, damn. You looked so flat, I could’ve sworn you actually were a living cartoon“ Pinkie snickered. “But girl, I‘m sure you helped roll the cosmic dice to make this happen in the first place.“

Derpy, unconvinced, cast her a cross-eyed glare. „Let‘s just move on, okay? And next time, please also don’t stop to pet clearly dangerous dogs when you smell of bacon. Or consider that shortcut through boar-infested woodlands! I’m pretty through running from agitated people AND animals tonight. So please listen when I tell you where we are parked next time, okay?” the gray pony inhaled deeply, finding back to her usual calmer mood. “So. We have the likely identity of the curious young woman. IT is currently further investigating her social connections. Now, do we wait, or do we just head there?“

„Wait? Noo. We go in and nab her. Do you think I‘ll pass on that surprise party promise?“ Pinkie expectedly cheered

“Of course not. But you better be making me an extra batch of muffins later.“ Derpy voiced, working on locating their new target address with the broken car-nav.


Half an hour later...

„So?“ the pink pony asked eagerly through their comms headset.

„One heat source in there, in front of the TV. Possibly sleeping.“ Derpy reported dutifully from the other side of the house, peering through a rather expensive infrared visualizer. „Phew. If I‘d known they actually make wall-hacks for real life...“

The eager pink pony just chuckled, and gave the command:„Perfect! Go, go, go!“ , cracking open the front door while Derpy fumbled with the rear entrance. Of course she had timed it for such, so that both Ponies burst into the room simultaneously for maximum impact nonetheless.


Paul had just finished another nacho-fuelled Saturday morning cartoon marathon, when he was awoken to a freakish nightmare. Two unnaturally large intruders in SWAT type gear flanked his view, having no less than three weapons trained on him. He must‘ve paled considerably seeing those laser target markers on his chest, mouth hanging open in utter shock. But at the same time, he knew he clearly must be having a fever dream off watching too much MLP while playing Doorkickers. Otherwise, how the heck would you explain a pink pony costume with glowing night vision googles barely fitting over her girly mane, an armored vest with „PARTY PATROL!“ and balloons painted on it, sporting an oversized tranqilizer rifle likely used to hunt serious big game. Or the derpy-eyed, winged gray companion pony dual wielding what looked like oversized BB guns while carrying a smelling rag of sorts in her snout. It was an utterly bizarre sight. For a moment, he considered the possibility these were some crazy crooks disguising their identities. But that notion died the second they started speaking in high-pitched, cute voices. Maybe he just was in a food coma from too many snacks?

„Gahhh. Derpy. You said our target was in here! I had the PERFECT surprise planned! This isn‘t even a girl! Or is it? He’s seriously cute-sized for a guy!“

„Well, this supposedly was her house! Of course I thought it was the mare. And you try to tell persons apart with those fuzzy infrared blobs.“ the yellow-maned equine pointed out protestingly. „And besides, them actually being a guy acting as a girl online wouldn’t have been any weirder than our...current situation. Hair color’s a bust though, and I doubt that’s an Amanda. But don‘t worry. We can always get Dash on her trail if we did mess it up. She‘ll get it sorted either way.“

Paul still just gaped. Right. This was a nightmare. Clear and simple. Or was it? Suddenly, he realized „Wait a second...Amanda...PONIES? You are PONIES? She was right!“

Three tranq darts hit him simultaneously, knocking him out like a light. „Whooops. Sorry!“ the gray pegasus apologized, cushioning Paul‘s fall. „Well, we got...a clue at least? Let‘s find out!“


Some time later...

Paul slowly came to again, groaning and trying to shake his head free of the headache that twisted through his thoughts like thunderstorm clouds. He clearly still was mentally incapacitated, given all he could make out was someone in a large, blazingly pink cartoon pony costume arguing with a gray hued one with fluffy wings. Again. Clearly delirium, re-working his previous nightmare in a food coma, he thought, and would have chuckled. But his muscles barely responded, and he could only hear or imagine bits of conversation.

„:..do this? Should have seen ….not her..had to go through….abduction!“

„...had it in storage. Only one to fit. What else could I...“

„Luna‘ll be pissed...stuck with now..“

Stuck with? Luna? His previous recognition suddenly hit him like a freight train. Pony costumes and abductions! Amy had been right all along! That also meant...he was in the claws, or rather hooves, of a crazy criminal conspiracy right now! But before he could even do anything, one of his captors was alerted by the motion.

„Oh, look. he‘s waking up. How are you? Sorry we were a bit rough. You really have the constitution of a lil‘ filly.“ the pink pony voiced cheerily, patting his head. “But awwh. You’re all too adorable for a guy. We can keep him, right?” she asked her companion.

„Mmmphhhmm!“ was all Paul could mouth, realizing that sore numbness in his maw wasn‘t from passing out, but some kind of thick gag forced inside...a bubblegum flavored one to boot. He hated bubblegum. „MMMMPHH..MHHFFFF!“ he yelped, trying to struggle, but wasn’t even surprised about not being able to move much of a muscle. The feeling of strong ropes binding him slowly faded into perception, even if it was far cozier than he’d have imagined.

„Ohh, right. Let me get that gag, and fix the rest in place. Derpy, if you would?“

It was just then that Paul noticed the thick bundle of fabric squeezed against his chest. He only had a moment to think on it though, as with the straps coming loose, he spit out the gag in disgust. Just to moments later find his world obscured, only to come back behind a gridded mesh, wobbling as something was pulled really tight, his head encased like being squeezed from pillows all around, and then a zipper noise sounded, finishing with the soft click of a lock.

“Gah. What are you doing to me? I’m no pony, dammit! I’m no snitch, I won’t tell a soul. I just want to know what you did to Amanda! She should have been back by now. But you abducted her, didn’t you?”

“Kinda true, right?” Pinkie answered ponderingly. “You ain’t no pony, and you sure won’t tell any non-pony. But aww. You’re still dearest. Caring so much for your friend. And I think that pink-violet tone is lovely.”

“What? What did you trap me in. I swear to gods...” Paul hissed, but of course, it didn’t impress the ponies any – just made Derpy make sure those ropes tying him to the chair still were all firm.

“Here” Pinkie said helpfully, holding up a large hand-mirror with a smile.

Their captive went weirdly quiet for a while, gazing at the cute green eyes and his prominent dragon spikes running down the head and back. That expression frozen on his little snout was one of pleasant, if puzzled surprise, matching his own pretty well. He flexed his hands in the short-clawed purplish costume sleeves, surprised to still be able to make a relatively normal grip. And then there was the thick, plump little tail currently half wrapped around him, just showing the spade at the end.

“Well?”

The tooned-up dragon exhaled softly “That’s a real spiffy costume all right. Was always partial to the cute lil’ underdog helper. But okay. So...I can only conclude you were on the hunt for Twilight then? Now you got me, you can tell me all about it, right?” came a surprisingly calculated and even-voiced reply

Both ponies blinked, but Pinkie recovered quickly, starting to gush all too eagerly “Oh, of course! Actually we kind of were, and then not again. You see, we discovered someone was spending serious effort trying to look into our operations online, and...”

Derpy swiftly intervened: “Pinkie! Hold your snout for a minute, will you? We don’t even know if he’ll truly stay with us after all. Yes, we’d have to call this in, but until we do – it would be our choice. We still don’t even truly know if either of them are involved. Though I guess they are now. Still...No one would believe them.”

“Woah, wait, wait...you’d just let me...go. After all this?” Spike mouthed, genuinely baffled they might indulge the thought. Weren’t they supposedly some kind of hardened abduction cult, leaving no witnesses and evidence? His brain spun trying to re-formulate his plans and thoughts.

As if she’d figured, Derpy just shrugged: “Maybe? We aren’t some dark cabal. Yes, we’re weird, and a bit extreme at times, but I’m convinced we’re doing a good thing here. We just were concerned about not being discovered.” Derpy voiced, firmly holding Pinkie’s snout together, which of course it being a certain party pony, got her to only mumble as if it was actually her mouth held shut.

Spike viciously shook his big, puffy costume head now: “Nooo, no, no. You can’t just let me go. I know too much!” he insisted eagerly.

“What?” Both the ponies voiced, baffledly.

“You heard me. Even if no one would believe me, I could spend the last of my days trying to track you down, following your operations, collecting evidence, and then unveiling you to the world eventually. You can’t just leave loose ends like this, it always comes back to haunt you!”

“...that dragon has a point” Pinkie conceded. “But why is he taking our side?”

“Uhmmm...I’m just a nice guy...dragon?” he declared innocently, matching the natural expression of his costume. It wasn’t exactly super effective.

“Suspicious” even Pinkie declared, poking him with a hoof.

Spike exhaled, figuring he could only come clean then. “Okay, let’s make this clear. I want to help Amanda. I do not want you guys to do anything bad to her, ever. If you do, you’ll sure wish you never had me involved. But you realize this is what she lives for, right? It would be the best birthday gift ever to actually find out about this big, crazy conspiracy existing. And...Honestly, I like the idea too much to bust it. Plus, she’d make an awesome Twilight. Heck, if life was like a colorful kid’s cartoon, wouldn’t that be tons better?”

Derpy snickered, mouthing “Maybe he should write our recruitment leaflets?”

Pinkie also seemed a little puzzled “We have leaflets? Oh! Right. Well, either way then...welcome to the pony kingdom, Spike! You’ll have tons of funs with us. What are your favorite sweets?” Pinkie did a 180 in mood, shaking his paw and going about simply untying him.

“Errr. Pinkie. Let’s not come to hasty conclusions. How can we know that he’s not just trying to escape with all that smart-talk?” Derpy cautioned.

Pinkie already was mentally in welcome mode though, and just claimed “Well, You didn’t take much convincing either, right? I can believe it, even if it’s a shame we don’t get to do the whole spoooky pony routine!”

“I’m sure you’ll get to do the spooky pony routine soon again anyhow. But I grant you that. Allright, Spike. Welcome aboard, but keep in mind – yes, this is a crazy secret society. And if you betray us, Pinkie will come after you and make your whole life crazy. Or maybe she’ll just stuff you with cake till you can’t move. But you know, serious warning. Now just sign here, and you’re part of team pony.”

“You have a ..contract? For your secret costume cabal?” Spike voiced sarcastically.

“Yupp. Have to respect bureaucracy.”

The purple-hued dragon blinked and shrugged. “Right. Whatever. I doubt I’d find myself arguing in court if signatures under abduction are even legal. So...Here’s my scrawl.”

“Perfect. Yay! Now, snuggles and snacks!” Pinkie cheered, squeezing the little dragon fondly, and pulling Derpy into a group hug too.

Spike blushed, but voiced a meek “I don’t mind that at all, but aren’t we forgetting something? Amy? You clearly don’t have her, I gather? She went out tonight, and I haven’t heard a peek, and she’s not answering my calls either. I figure you could track her if I gave you the phone number?”

“Oh...sure! That’d be handy. Let’s go!”


Meanwhile, in an abandoned warehouse not too far away...

Amanda grunted, ignoring the ding of her voicemail. She knew she was taking a risk, meeting her mysterious informant alone, here of all places, but she was desperate. And the pictures provided clearly fit her findings so far. Her flashlight illuminated only the slightest bit of the machinery in the spooky industrial ruin when a voice startled her:

„So Magical Ponies are all poppycock they say, mhh? That is real good to know.“ someone said smoothly from the dark.

Amanda jumped, fumbling with her smartphone and looking around frantically. „What is..GAHHHH!“ she gaped, seeing just who was illuminated in the light-cone now. The towering, tri-colored alicorn with swirly mane and the proud horn was a rather impressive sight, costume or not. It was enough to send her three steps back.

The costumed pony’s voice was rather soothing though. „Please, Darling. don‘t be alarmed. I understand my apperance is unusual. My name is Cadence. And yes, you might recognize where I‘m coming from, in more ways than one.“

The costume-wearer used Amanda‘s baffled silence to continue. Sure, the girl had had her theories for ages, but actually seeing someone show up looking like they came straight out of that cartoon series was...a lot to take in.

The alicorn just pressed on. „You have stumbled upon quite something. A conspiracy so stupid no one would believe it. Yet it exists. Like you understood. You are very smart, Amanda. But that puts you in great danger.“ she said, leaning on a nearby pipe and looking intensely into Amy’s direction. It was unsettling, but not enough to dissuade the plucky hobby detective.

„Danger? If you‘re here to do ...things to me, I have emergency call on my phone, one press and the police is on its way. The next station is only three blocks down.“ she threatened, holding out her device with a hovering finger ready.

The alicorn just shook her head. „Not from me, you silly f….person. I am one of the few that have not fallen under their thrall, even if I have to pretend to belong to them. But my identity must remain hidden. I just had to tell you you are on the right track. You, Amanda, are maybe the only hope we have in busting this wide open, and getting the villains responsible arrested. They committed intimidation, destruction of property, abduction, brainwashing, and much worse. And they only just started!“


Meanwhile, in a certain ice cream van…

„Oh mittens, fudge and ruined batter! Gaaals! We‘re in deeeep, deep trouble.“ Pinkie came back with a print-out.

“Well?” two voices asked demandingly.

“See, we checked all the connection logs. She had some private messages from a number...and...uhm, Luna got REAL upset somehow when she was informed. Her words were, let me air-quote here:

“Get the HELL in there, get her out, and return here at once. Get any reinforcements you need, use every weapon and asset you have to!”

“That seems scary. What is going on?” Derpy voiced with genuine concern.

“No clue. But we should be careful. But seems you just became an Asset, Spike. Let’s save your princess! Well, future maybe princess, you know the drill. Onwards, Ponies! To Victory!”


“I take it you understand what’s at stake, and why I am coming to you with this. You can‘t simply take this evidence to the police. We have to catch them in the act...together. So let’s make a pact” the costumed alicorn suggested, extending a hoof. “I can give you all the information and support you need, and you can be the smart detective, the undercover operative that blows their whole operation wide open. Think about it. You’d not just make the local news, you’d be a front-page item all over. People would rush to you with cases, or you could maybe work towards being a real police detective too if you wished. This could be your big break.“

“I don’t know. I love mysteries, but I’m not exactly some secret agent.” Amy voiced, not exactly wanting to become a celebrity, but if she could help people, untangle a mystery AND prove the mean girl’s mystery club wrong? Tempting. Very tempting.

Cadence pushed on further. “All you have to do is be yourself, and pretend to go along fully. I will give you a recording device. Record everything. Always have it with you. They will have jamming in place, though. So, whenever you have the chance to head out on an errand, take it with you, and let the device do its magic. I will contact you when we have enough. I gather you already have the rough coordinates worked out, but I can give you some landmarks to go for as well to get you into the vicinity. Once they find you, insist you know all about the ponies, and demand to be heard out. If you play it smart, that’s your ticket in...and our chance to do a major good deed.”

Amy hesitated a moment, but then reached out to shake the hoof of that pony. “Deal. I’ll uncover everything!”

“Perfect. Here. Take this with you. And stay in contact. You know what is at stake here. Not a word of our Meeting to anyone. It will all pay off in the end.”

Amy nodded and turned around, slowly departing the compound, still expecting an ambush. In fact, she did spy one or two weird shadows moving, but figured it was just her nerves. She focused on doing mind-math to clam herself, and actually made it to the door without any issue. Out on the street, she exhaled a huge breath of relief, her head swimming. This really was the biggest and weirdest conspiracy ever. She still couldn’t believe it was real, and assumed at least a few-percent chance of it being an elaborate hoax staged just to take the mickey out of her. She really needed to ask...Paul! Crap, the phonecalls, the whole night out without any promised calls. Suddenly, she felt very guilty, and scrolled through the missed calls log immediately. Sure enough, there were plenty. She pressed return dial immediately.


“Hey, Spike. Your belly is ringing! Cool. Can you belly-talk too?” Pinkie giggled, prodding the little dragon’s costume fondly. Derpy just gave her an irritated hoof-dab in the head, then helped Spike pull a hand out of the costume to reach around on the inside and procure his phone. His concern was easy to hear.

“Amy? Thank god! Are you safe? What happened. It’s been hours! Where are you?” spilled out of him. He had the speaker phone loud enough the others could listen in too.

“Paul? Ah, you won’t believe...” she started, then paused and just explained “Listen. It’s okay. I am healthy. I am all-right. Just took a little frustration feeding trip as you figured. We can talk it all out in person later. And you better have my nachos, okay?”

“Right. Of course you assume I have not eaten every single one yet. But...I can whip up some new ones in half an hour or so?” Paul carefully probed.

“Sure. It’ll be a bit longer anyhow, traffic is real’ slow tonight. But keep them warm. See you soon!” she just agreed, terminating the call.

Spike propped his hand back into the costume claw, rubbing his little snout in contemplation. “Something was a little off, but maybe she’s just too cautious to say it over the phone. So what do we do now? You could let me out of this, and I could talk to her in private, see if all is okay, and then we decide how to introduce her?”

“What? No, not a chance. Not gonna let our cute hatchling dragon just poof like that. And you heard what Luna said. Someone might be targeting her. So we have to strike first, and watch every single of her steps. I already got a local drone asset on it. So we have a bit over half an hour to FINALLY make some pony welcoming party games happen tonight!”

Spike and Derpy just looked at each other, before the gray pegasus voiced “She has a point. She’ll be safest with us now. Will you help us out?”

Spike clenched his plushy claws, finally nodding “Let’s give her a little mystery!”


Amy slammed the door behind her hard, not even flicking on the lights yet. That talk with Cadence had really done her in, and she couldn’t stop seeing possible conspiracies everywhere. That drone enthusiast at the parking lot? Possible pony spy. The weird, small bus that had taken everyone in a circle no less than thrice? Equine infiltrators delaying her return for something. And finally, there was the neighbor’s kids chalk-coloring a giant pave-walk pony drawing right next to her apartment. Yeah, no. That didn’t even need interpretation. Someone WAS on her tail.

“Paul?” She asked cautiously into the dubious silence of the building, sneaking towards the living room. The TV was still on, of course playing an MLP episode. Lesson Zero no less, which Paul had teased her with more than one time. Coincidence? Hardly. So her heart skipped a beat as instead of her friend, there only was a letter pinned by a Spike plush, curled up like one of Celestia’s royal messages waiting for her.

She froze in panic. Had the pony cabal already abducted her friend? Was this a ransom note of sorts? She shivered, but forced herself to get the paper and unfurl it. It read in her friend’s own handwriting:

“My most Faithful Student...in the art of snack food destruction. Yes, it’s Paul, of course. With you off all night on a seemingly futile pony chase, I figured I’d give you a fun, themed mystery to crack. And yes, at the end, there will be Nachos. Now, you gotta think like Twilight, catch a Ghost and find the Treasure.

Hint-Hint : Most spooky place in town. Bring good company!”

Amy closed her eyes in disbelief, hands still shaking, mind spinning. Was this Paul’s own, typically overdone way to try and cheer her up? Was this a pony ploy to drive her crazy or abduct her? Or maybe all of that? She fumed silently, but figured the only way to get answers was to follow the clues either way.

She looked around, trying to think logically again. Good company, mh? Paul had used the Addressal to Twilight, of course, so lacking any other MLP-Themed items around, he must’ve meant the spike plushie. Picking it up, Amy allowed herself a rare smile. It was soft and adorable, and she had a soft spot for dragons after all. Whimsical creatures of legend sure were her thing, so long as it wasn’t...Ghosts…her smile faded. Of course she knew what the most spooky place in town was. Unfortunately.

“Paul, you incorrigible little twerp! I swear, if there are water buckets, I’ll kick your arse out of town!” she yelled down the houses’ damp stone cellar, grabbing for the extra flashlight she had deposited there. She could make it down two whole steps, then it flickered and died. Just then, a ghostly wind blew from below into her face, to faint, distant giggles. She yelped and stumbled backwards, slamming the door shut.

“Oh, you’re going to get it. Pillows? I think you’ll have a snack food fight on your hands, my mischievous friend.” she mused to herself, fetching another spare she always kept in the kitchen. This one seemed to work well, and so she once more descended the stairs, despite the soft laughter echoing off the moist walls gleaming in the light-cone. She yelped, then groaned as the light revealed starry glow-paint cutiemarks stamped all over the walls. “Someone’s gonna wash my whole darn cellar later. Enough with the brainy pony references. Yes, I like books, but I’m no sparkle princess, dammit!” she mumbled to herself, advancing with quicker steps into the large entry room.

She sighed, flipped the light switch, and froze once more, staring into six pairs of big, toony eyes. The large pony plushies were almost life-like...or show-like, that was. Surrounding her in a circle like they were about to capture her. She yelped and jumped behind the washing bin. That was a little too much. Why did it have to be ponies? Creepily elaborate, encircling, possibly abducting ponies to boot! The whole thing was seriously unsettling. Would Paul really be able to go to such length? Really, where would he even get all those? Then again...being an avid fan of the show, he might have had a secret plushie stash all along. She breathed once more, counting primes per interval to calm down. Okay. It just was plushies. This was another clue. But what?

She straightened herself out again, investigating the only door further in. It had been locked and the key taken. Logically, it must be hidden in one of the ponies. She wasn’t exactly in the mood to go through seams and stuffing though, and doubt Paul would want her to cut open any of his precious things. Fussing with her hair, she suddenly came face to face with the Spike she was still holding. On a hunch, she felt around the plushie, noticing a harder bump towards his belly.

She groaned once more. This was a friendship lesson, right? That was what the hint meant. Shaking her head in disbelief, she squeezed the little plush-dragon into a cuddle against the much larger twilight, feeling around till something clicked. Pulling back, the key just slid out of the plushie maw into her hand. Of course it had been painted a sparkly blue-violet and coated in glitter.

“Not...a...sparkle...princess” Amy winced, but figured that had to be about it. She approached the door, turned the key, and slowly waded in. To her disappointment, the room seemed empty, save for a few lumpy, discarded...bedsheets? Oh no. But it was already too late. The door slammed shut, and a howling “Boooooooooooouuuuu!” echoed through the chamber from all sides as the ghostly sheets glowed in various colors, dancing around her. She was about to throw a serious fit when all of them simultaneously exploded into colorful costumed critters and confetti, yelling “Mystery SURPRIIIIIISE Party!”

Amy just stood as if turned to stone. But her thoughts raced like mad. One, it was impossible Paul had done all that by himself – evident also by the presence of others. Two, no way those pony costumes could be gotten on short order, randomly. Ergo, either all proof of a long-game hoax of this crazy Cadence, or ...this was the pony conspiracy going for her allright. But how could they know those personal things about her, and have Paul’s writing, unless...”

“Boop. Hey, hey. You’re there? Silly Pony. Are you pretending discord just turned you to stone, or are you all overwhelmed by our little party. Look, we even made you a nacho cake for your first pony birthday!” Pinkie enthusedly explained, holding up the dubious sweet-savory treat.

That was enough to catapult Amy back into action. “Yeargghh! No, no...no, no, no.” she yelped out, before remembering the plan. But she did not know who to trust in this tangled mess. Still, surprise cake and even sillier costumes than expected? At least there didn’t seem to be an immediate mortal threat, even if she was trapped. Enough reason to just...find out what this was all about. And more importantly…:

“Okay. First, bad pony, molesting my food! Second, where is Paul? You have him, right? I demand to see him at once. If you have hurt him, I swear...”

“Uh. It’s okay, Twil...Amy. I’m here. No worries, it’s all good. I just thought you’d appreciate, well, a little Mystery of the Missing Mare indeed? Or the missing dragon, in this case?”

She stared as that familiar voice came from that most adorable, cuddly little plush-dragon waddling towards her now, peering up at her with big, comforting eyes. No! That was just the most evil, devious…

She yelled out in pure frustration and just a tinge of amusement. “SPIKE SPADE. You Imbecile. You dork. You...you lovable scamp. Of course you helped them do this. THIS is how you cheer me up? A pony abduction party and nacho cake? Just how bonkers are you!”

“Uhm. A little? I figured you needed some cheering up. And a little mystery? But hey, it’s Paul, you know?”

She just grinned, having made her choice. Crazy mystery and jumping right in it was. With benefits. “Nope. You’re Spike now, clearly. Have you looked in the mirror? Which means I claim you as my familiar. And don’t you forget about it, my silly little cuddledragon. At least now’s clear who has the say in this relationship” she declared, grabbing and fiercely squeezing the soft little toy-like dragon now, protests be damned.

“Twilight! No, I...gah! So unfair. Can’t you take a joke? I’m not a plushie!”

“You look and feel like one to me. Plus, unfair pillowfight advantage. But good extra pillow for the night.”

“Twilight Sparkle! I do not have a pillow fetish. And neither a plush one. Don’t you even want to hear about the whole pony conspiracy!” he tried to argue and get out of that squeeze. She didn’t budge at all, though.

“You’ll tell me about it our whole way to whereever they’re taking us anyhow, right? So nay I say. But speaking of. Pinkie...Derpy...who’s in charge here?” she asked.

There were a few blank stares and pointing at each other, before Pinkie voiced. “It’s still a party. So me! If you don’t like the other treats, have a cupcake, maybe?”

“No, thank you. I’d rather feed on other things. I get the gist of it all, but I still want to hear every detail later. I’ll join you, on one condition...well, make it two.”

“Ohhh. Negotiation. Cool! I raise you a Chocolate Mint Oreo Cookie Trifle!”

“Uhhh…..”

“That’s Pinkie for discussing it. Also give those a taste, they’re divine.” Derpy helpfully supplied.
Amy did reach for the weird treat, taking a small spoonful to have time to sort her thoughts. Surprisingly, Derpy was entirely right. Her face lit up from just how sweet and flavorful it was.

“Damn. Don’t tell me you baked that with hooves?”

“Yupp! Want me to teach you?” Pinkie asked eagerly

“Ah, no thanks. But it is good. Conditions, right? Firstly, I demand Spike. He IS my familiar, so if I’m your Twilight, I should be able to be in charge of him.”

“Sure! Not even Luna’s gonna argue with that, so long as you follow the rules Pinkie mused, with Spike giving another offended “Heeey! I’m a person too, you know?”

“You’re a whimsical plushie critter first and foremost, and it is my responsibility to watch out for you.”

“So should have thought that more through...but fiiine.” he conceded, hugging her leg with a hidden chuckle. It did feel nice after all, and if anything, would just mean their silly little spats would go on no matter what. He liked the thought.

“Good. Second point, I need a new phone case. All your silly antics have made me ruin a perfectly good one, and pony or not, I won’t stand for getting scratches on my signed, engraved, irreplaceable scooby edition. It’s a collector’s piece. I reckon your secret place doesn’t have service anyhow, so no harm keeping that, right?” she demanded.

That baffled both ponies, but they just shrugged, with Pinkie declaring “Sure! But we’ll be watching youuuu. There’s no escaping the pony party.”

She rolled her eyes “I swear, if you added princess glitter to my costume...Seriously, maybe the first thing I want to know is, how do you keep those things from smelling? They look ginormously impractical. And how does it work to fetch things, who maintains the stitches, and really, that’s some fine work of art. I think I spy a mixed fabric of smooth and flexible components from the way the body moves, both sturdy and soft to the touch? How do you even hide in public, and how long...”

“Well, you said the gag wasn’t needed. She’s all yours now.” Spike voiced with a smirk, slipping out of her grip with a little reluctance to hop onto the snacks table and help himself. This could sure take a while!


Epilogue. A few hours later, in a certain ice cream van…

“I still can’t believe THIS is your secret operations vehicle. Could you get any more memorable? Even black vans would be less conspicuous.” the purplish unicorn pony voiced, waving a hoof in the air agitatedly, while using the other to rub Spike’s belly. They both were comfily stretched out against the plushies they collected. Expectedly, getting the weird, overthick case-part Twilight wanted hadn’t take long, but the questions? Oh, they were neverending. But so were the snacks, something both Spike and Derpy had already bonded over.

The gray mail-pony held up a nice vanilla and caramel softice cone and chuckled “Oh, you got that one wrong, Twilight. First and foremost, this is pinkie’s party treats van. She’s also the one who invented those self-closing eating slits on our costumes. But yes, it also is a secrets operations vehicle. It comes in handy.”

“Ohh. Those things even have lotus effect, right? How did you get that to maintain it’s shape with these materials? Do you have a dedicated seamstress team? Are they all ponies too? How do you handle material delivery to your base or bases of operations? Do you trade or sell products? Are there spare suits when one’s in the washing?” it burst forth from Twilight once more, getting even Pinkie to pull her cute pony ears over her head. Their newest unicorn sure was a hoof-full.

Spike, recognizing her going a little overboard, gently rubbed her flank and gave a nuzzle. “Hey. Just cool it a little bit, okay, Twilight? We’ll both will have plenty time to ask about every little detail. I can take notes and everything. Seems I got a lil’ more dexterity after all.”

“You got a lil’ more chubby fluff. Who’s fat now, mh?” Twilight declared with a smirk.

“Heey! I resent that. Most dragons are pear-shaped. We need space for our fire-breathing bellies and nacho fillings! You know what that means, miss Sparkle Princess…”

“PILLOWFIGHT!” they both yelled, and with the other ponies joining in, it was one for the ages.

Yet through all that cheer, Twilight never really forgot what Cadence had said. Who was the bad guy and who was good? Would they truly join these costumed ponies, or try to flee eventually? Just how did this all come to pass? Just one thing was certain. This was her mystery, and she’d savor every little bit of it!

And not too far away, an imposing figure sat on a throne, veiled in shadows, querying an underling:
“Report?”
“They have her already. She has gone dark.”
“That was expected. We have multiple fall-backs in place. Keep observing. Soon, my little ponies...very soon, we’ll meet again!”she voiced, her dark, foreboding laugh echoing throughout.





all characters of My little Pony belong to Hasbro Inc. I don't own anything.
Here is an alternative story for Twilight's fate, written by the talented Sky Candy

next: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/39160972/