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This month's upload is called "Resistance", and for a while, I've been hesitant (resistant? lol) to post it. It was kind of my first attempt at writing a song about a girl I had a crush on. This was way back in 1990... I was only 19, and fairly new to serious songwriting. The girl's name was Janet, and she and I were friends, but I wanted it to be more than that. I was getting all kinds of signals from her, and it made me think that I might have a chance with her, but I couldn't be sure. Eventually I found out that she only thought of me as a friend (not the first time I'd hear that, and definitely not the last lol). Funny thing is, a couple of years later, she changed her mind... but by then, so had I lol, and we never ended up hooking up.
The reason why I've held off on posting this is that a few of the lyrics bug me. There's a lot of naivete in them... but that's who I was when I was 19. I grew up Catholic, so guilt was a big part of my childhood lol. For a long time, I truly believed that people should wait until they're married to have sex. I know, I think that's ridiculous now, too lol. But in my late teens, I was struggling with the fact that I was letting go of these ideals that, while unrealistic, had been something I'd previously held on to. That's what I mean in the song by "my resistance breaking". I was still a virgin at that age, but like anyone else, my hormones were raging, and they were getting harder and harder to ignore. As the lyrics state, I was "caught between the sacred and the profane". The profane won out, of course lol... it would just take another couple of years.
I've thought about redoing this song when I get the new equipment up and running, but I probably won't. It's too much a photograph of a singular moment in time. It was written by a different person than I am now. I guess you could say that about almost all of my songs, having been written as long ago as they were, but it's a little different with this one. It would sound weird being sung by anyone other than a teenager. I couldn't get away now with singing "Are you just flirting with me, or are the things you say for real?" lol. By the way, that's the line that makes me cringe the most. Generally, I like the rest of the lyrics.
Anyway, I always write more about my songs than anyone probably wants to read, so I'll shut up now. I hope you all like this.
"Resistance" (6:11)
Written August 12, 1990
Recorded October 1990
Every time I think that I'm alright
I fall flat on my face again
Every time I think I've regained my strength
I find myself in this place again
The thought of you, the things you do
They set me free and imprison me
All at the same time, I can't explain
I'm caught between the sacred and the profane
And if you listen, you can hear my resistance breaking
It's hard to weigh the consequences of the risks I'm taking
I know we're supposed to be friends
But I'm not sure if that's where it ends
It's true... you have to admit
That none of my other friends act the way you do
And you know what it does to me
It's making me doubt everything I claim to be
I've always said that I'm the innocent kind
But you're almost making me change my mind
Don't lead me on, I need to know how you really feel
Are you just flirting with me, or are the things you say for real?
You know me well, well enough, well enough to tell
That you're having a strange effect on me, and it's leaving me confused as hell
And if you listen, you can hear my resistance breaking
It's hard to weigh the consequences of the risks I'm taking
And if you listen, you can hear my resistance breaking
It's hard to weigh the consequences of the risks I'm taking
Don't make me guess, I was never good at games like these
I need to know for sure, you've got to tell me please
If we're just friends, that's OK, I won't disagree
But you've gotta let me know before it drives me insane... you've got to talk to me
And if you listen, you can hear my resistance breaking
It's hard to weigh the consequences of the risks I'm taking
And if you listen, you can hear my resistance breaking
It's hard to weigh the consequences of the risks I'm taking
The reason why I've held off on posting this is that a few of the lyrics bug me. There's a lot of naivete in them... but that's who I was when I was 19. I grew up Catholic, so guilt was a big part of my childhood lol. For a long time, I truly believed that people should wait until they're married to have sex. I know, I think that's ridiculous now, too lol. But in my late teens, I was struggling with the fact that I was letting go of these ideals that, while unrealistic, had been something I'd previously held on to. That's what I mean in the song by "my resistance breaking". I was still a virgin at that age, but like anyone else, my hormones were raging, and they were getting harder and harder to ignore. As the lyrics state, I was "caught between the sacred and the profane". The profane won out, of course lol... it would just take another couple of years.
I've thought about redoing this song when I get the new equipment up and running, but I probably won't. It's too much a photograph of a singular moment in time. It was written by a different person than I am now. I guess you could say that about almost all of my songs, having been written as long ago as they were, but it's a little different with this one. It would sound weird being sung by anyone other than a teenager. I couldn't get away now with singing "Are you just flirting with me, or are the things you say for real?" lol. By the way, that's the line that makes me cringe the most. Generally, I like the rest of the lyrics.
Anyway, I always write more about my songs than anyone probably wants to read, so I'll shut up now. I hope you all like this.
"Resistance" (6:11)
Written August 12, 1990
Recorded October 1990
Every time I think that I'm alright
I fall flat on my face again
Every time I think I've regained my strength
I find myself in this place again
The thought of you, the things you do
They set me free and imprison me
All at the same time, I can't explain
I'm caught between the sacred and the profane
And if you listen, you can hear my resistance breaking
It's hard to weigh the consequences of the risks I'm taking
I know we're supposed to be friends
But I'm not sure if that's where it ends
It's true... you have to admit
That none of my other friends act the way you do
And you know what it does to me
It's making me doubt everything I claim to be
I've always said that I'm the innocent kind
But you're almost making me change my mind
Don't lead me on, I need to know how you really feel
Are you just flirting with me, or are the things you say for real?
You know me well, well enough, well enough to tell
That you're having a strange effect on me, and it's leaving me confused as hell
And if you listen, you can hear my resistance breaking
It's hard to weigh the consequences of the risks I'm taking
And if you listen, you can hear my resistance breaking
It's hard to weigh the consequences of the risks I'm taking
Don't make me guess, I was never good at games like these
I need to know for sure, you've got to tell me please
If we're just friends, that's OK, I won't disagree
But you've gotta let me know before it drives me insane... you've got to talk to me
And if you listen, you can hear my resistance breaking
It's hard to weigh the consequences of the risks I'm taking
And if you listen, you can hear my resistance breaking
It's hard to weigh the consequences of the risks I'm taking
Category Music / 90s
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 79px
File Size 5.67 MB
Listed in Folders
Disregard that, I... shouldn't finish that sentence LOL.
OK, my bad, it looks like it's just loading slowly. So if you click "play" and nothing happens for a couple of seconds, just let it go. It should start playing and (hopefully) continue uninterrupted. But if you keep clicking "play" if it doesn't start immediately, then it'll cause problems. Good to know lol.
OK, my bad, it looks like it's just loading slowly. So if you click "play" and nothing happens for a couple of seconds, just let it go. It should start playing and (hopefully) continue uninterrupted. But if you keep clicking "play" if it doesn't start immediately, then it'll cause problems. Good to know lol.
Long has it been since I have commented on your pieces but I had to after listeining to this one,,,even back in the early 90's you had some skills in lyric writing and this is not alltorgehter unlistenable.
Impressive writing with some good vocal work reminds me of some new and old works done by bands. I must admit I am impressed that I think you should re do this piece again and make it a lot more pro style with the proper instruments and some better vocals.
I see this being done almost in a style not all too familiar with Stabbing westward or another band similar to this style.
Impressive writing with some good vocal work reminds me of some new and old works done by bands. I must admit I am impressed that I think you should re do this piece again and make it a lot more pro style with the proper instruments and some better vocals.
I see this being done almost in a style not all too familiar with Stabbing westward or another band similar to this style.
Hey, "not altogether unlistenable" is *exactly* what I was going for lol! Thank you for your kind comments! I may be persuaded to redo this, even though it would feel a little bit weird revisiting teen angst territory at this stage in my life.
And you're the second person to say that one of my songs reminded them of, or would sound good in the style of Stabbing Westward. Veeeery interesting...
And you're the second person to say that one of my songs reminded them of, or would sound good in the style of Stabbing Westward. Veeeery interesting...
Oh but tis true my friend
This piece redone with a more refined sound MAY get more noticed and with more emphasis on the vocals COULD really add the flair that this piece is looking to be.
I suggested stabbing westward because of the sound and lyrics they put out (Also one of my fave badns) the lyrics could EASILY be done with that scratchy almost whiney sound that really would fit the angst in this piece's lyrics.
To do this I can deffinately see you comming out on your own and finally being fully noticed for the lyrists song writer you are shooting to be.
It may be hard but I have faith that this one song can really brng out that hidden talent even further for everyone to see...mark my words lad...keep er up and your sails full and you never know where your ship will lead you.
This piece redone with a more refined sound MAY get more noticed and with more emphasis on the vocals COULD really add the flair that this piece is looking to be.
I suggested stabbing westward because of the sound and lyrics they put out (Also one of my fave badns) the lyrics could EASILY be done with that scratchy almost whiney sound that really would fit the angst in this piece's lyrics.
To do this I can deffinately see you comming out on your own and finally being fully noticed for the lyrists song writer you are shooting to be.
It may be hard but I have faith that this one song can really brng out that hidden talent even further for everyone to see...mark my words lad...keep er up and your sails full and you never know where your ship will lead you.
Well, I don't know if you read my latest journal entry, but I am on the road to getting back into recording. I'm not sure how long it'll take me to learn the new stuff I need to know (as well as relearn the old stuff I've forgotten lol), but I can safely say that there will be new music from me this year.
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