CW: Inflation, Light Slob, Fantasy

Dang, a story? I had an idea that didn't really suit any other kind of project, so I picked up the pen and whipped this out in a few days. Hope you enjoy!

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THE FOG OF THISTLEBURROUGH

It was a sunny day, the same as any other in the woodland town of Thistleburrough. The fields near the outskirts of town were full of villagers, each one toiling away under the hot sun in preparation for the Fall harvest. Everyone would need to chip in to make the quota set by the local Duke… but it was at the very least marginally generous. It was a simple life for the people of the village, far from the various conflicts of the border provinces to the north.
With a heavy swing of his hoe, a slim grey wolf strikes the soil before taking a moment to rest on the handle of his tool. He was, in a word… unremarkable by all means.. A slender build, bereft of any muscle or bulk to speak of and a face that would blend into any crowd. The fellow was dressed in a simple, sweaty blue tunic and grey trousers. He was, by any stretch of the imagination… a true everyman, unremarkable in every way.
“Gods, what a day. Of all the times they ask me to help out, it has to be on a heat wave.” the young man mumbles to himself, before gripping the shaft of his hoe and raising it over his shoulders.
“NIKO! That’s enough, we should be good for the rest. Take the rest of the day off okay?” said a gaunt crane fellow, stepping out from a nearby farmhouse while hoisting a heavy bucket of water. The farm owner stepped over to the wolf with a smile on his beak, before clapping his wing on his shoulder. "Besides, I can hear you complaining to yourself from across the field. Go ahead and be on your way." The lanky bird chuckles before striding farther into the field. Niko was left standing with a blush on his furry cheeks, his tail drooping behind him.
"I wasn't complaining that loudly. Hrmph." Niko muttered to himself as he tossed his hoe back in the shed, throwing up his arms as he trudged back through the muck of the field back towards the road. "Bah, I should have enlisted with the city watch. Or better yet, with those mercenaries that came through town last season. I'm sure I'd be a better fighter than a farmer. Willing to bet flesh is a lot softer than the dirt in these fields." He sighed, kicking a stone on the path as he strode towards town. The wolf would take a moment to wash his paws in the stream outside of town, reaching for his coin purse as he took a short rest. He'd press his fingers into the shallow bag, rubbing his fingers across the scant few coins inside. Two silver, three copper. Hardly noteworthy as far as savings went… but it’s more than enough to start a new future. A shabby blade and a wooden shield, more than enough to start a life on the battlefield. A life of glory, a life of adventure! A life, far away from Thistleburrough.


+
The Thistleburrough town square was quaint and simple, hardly bustling like any of the castle towns or port cities deeper in the province. It had its own rustic charms as any of the locals would be sure to tell you, if one was to visit for whatever reason. The townsfolk were starting to get back from their jobs, either in the fields or the mines located in the foothills. At one point or another, everyone either passes through the general store for sundries… or passes out in the local tavern. Today Niko will opt for the latter, the wolf looking to drown his sorrows as he walked into the Leaky Bucket Bar. Pushing inside the crowded room, the wolf shoved past a pair of horses talking near the doorway to make his way to the counter. He made certain to look down as he strode to the front of the place, there was usually a spill or two that the staff never had time to clean up.
“Ah, Niko. Back from the fields so early today? What can I do for you?” an aged, plump tabby cat responded from over the counter, a wide smile on her face. The woman was cleaning a wooden mug, before resting it on the counter top. Her voice was clear and kind, despite the usual din of the davern.
“Ah just the usual Mel. This town is gettin’ me down, you know?” the wolf responded with a pout, his tail lying limp behind him as he sat down on a nearby stool.
“What’s the matter? Surely you haven’t become dissatisfied with farming?” she laughs with a smile, the cat pouring the wolf a full mug and sliding it towards him.
“Ah, well… you know. Kinda. I was thinking of joining a mercenary band… seeing more of the world. Fighting in some battles… proving myself!” the wolf barks, puffing out his chest before taking a gulp of ale. The cat grimaces at that, shaking her head.
“Oh Niko… listen. There’s awful things out there, you know? I really need to tell you, it’s very dangerous out past the northern walls. A cruel and brutal land, they’d skin you for a copper if the fellows up there have a chance. I’ve even heard rumors of bandits coming from the south as of late.” the cat warned the young man, concern showing through her sharp green eyes. She was well aware of the dangers of the world, the old feline will do what she could to steer the young man away from that life. She knew Niko was not prepared for the perils of combat, or the cruelty of hardened men.
“Bah, nuts to that, it’s a bunch of farmers and miners out here. They pound dirt and bust rocks, none of ‘em have the skill to wield a blade. Gimmie a year and I’ll come back TWICE the man anybody is here, I’ll EEP!” the wolf blurts, the bull next to him rising from his seat and bumping Niko, causing him to spill some of his ale on his lap. “H-hey! You apologize right now! Where are you going?” the wolf says as the bull steps out the door in a hurry… as do the rest of the patrons.
“Wait a moment Niko, just let me finish-”
“It’s fine Mel, just stick to bartending okay? I’ll be back in a sec.” The wolf replied before standing up to try and take a look. There was a commotion outside, and Niko could only find himself pulled along with the crowd as people filtered outside… a strange darkness cast over the Thistleburrough town square. Nico looked about the crowd, muzzles and snouts pointed skyward all around him. The wolf gulped, before looking up...only to see an enormous oblong cloud. A very low floating… very round... very furry… cream colored cloud, big enough to cast a shadow over the whole square. There was a low rumble from overhead, before a voice boomed out to the townsfolk below.
“HEY! Peasants, dirt packers, unwashed masses.” she said as her eyes scanned the crowd. “ et cetera et cetera. I’m here today… to make an ultimatum!” the huge cloud overhead booms out in a gruff, female voice… before it started to rotate slowly forward. “I’m here today to relieve you of your valuables, and make more of an effort to get my name out here in the sticks.” the cloud tilted forward… and two twin mounds would wobble into view, each rounder than any prized cow. The townsfolk murmured, the air seeming to grow heavy around them as they looked upward. The cloud itself seemed to project a sort of gloom that sapped the senses of any onlooker, the people letting out a collective gasp as the cloud rotated just a bit further forward to reveal a pair of wide, gently flapping arms, hands sunken into the wrists. “And you’re all going to help me fund my endeavors. You’ve got one day to gather your valuables and dump them here for collection, and you’ll be spared my wrath. Heck, you might even gain my favor! But you try any funny business? And I’ll be SURE… that you regret it.” the cloud boomed, slowly rotating on a horizontal axis to survey the square.
“And why should we listen to you? You’re just a great big… mass! Guards! Shoot it down!” a citizen yelled, the townsfolk cheering as the town guards loaded their crossbows. The guards readied themselves, aimed and fired at the furry cloud with a unified CLUNK of the firing mechanisms. What shocked the people soon after however, was a titanic gust of wind that washed through the square, blowing dust and debris everywhere. In the short few seconds it took Niko to wipe the dust from his eyes, he’d look up to see that the cloud was totally unharmed. The winds whipped around the enormous cream colored mass, the being slowly turning with a chuckle. “Strike one folks. Now you have half a day to meet my demand.” the mass replies, before finally turning towards Niko’s direction. A round, bloated face was nestled around an enormous tire of a neck. A sneering grin was plastered on the maw of this balloon, nestled between a pair of wobbling melon-like cheeks. “Dump your money here in 6 hours, got it? So says Baroness Maxwell. Don’t any of you peasants forget it.”


+
Thistleburrough was in a total uproar, the people of the town sprinting to return to their homes, before running back with packs and chests full of their meager earnings. Screams and hysteria filled the town as they scrambled to meet the balloon’s demands, fearful of her wrath. The baroness had drifted west into the nearby forest that flanked the town, no doubt to obscure herself before she returned for the village’s wealth. Niko had managed to stay clear of the square, watching the chaos from the window of the Leaky Bucket. The wolf scowled as he leaned against the wooden windowsill, fingers pushed into his leather coin purse. He rubbed over each coin, feeling each ridge and bump of the metal. Two silver, three copper. Enough for a shabby blade and a wooden shield. Nico scowled as the townsfolk piled their goods in front of the fountain, grinding his teeth. Damn that balloon. ‘Baroness Maxwell’.
“Nico… I see that you’re mad but it’s not worth the risk. Listen, those crossbows were straight from the capital. She wasn’t even scratched from that many shots! The wind blew all the bolts away.” The cat says as she shakes her head. “I’ve never seen anything like that. We can’t be sure what kind of magic she has, we should just try to be safe.” Mel said before resting a paw on the wolf’s shoulder. “Besides, the harvest is in a few months! We’ll make back this money and more! Hard working folks like the people here can bounce back from something like this. We build and grow, we don’t pillage and destroy.” she smiles warmly, her kind eyes shining in the dim light of the bar. “You’ve always been a sweet boy Niko. Just let it go, okay?”
“No! No no NO. This… stupid woman won’t make a fool of us. It’s time we make a name for ourselves.” Niko growls as he slaps Mel’s paw away, striding towards the door. “You’re a coward, just like all the others. I’ll show you.” he said, grinding his teeth. “And everyone else that we won’t be trifled with.” the wolf declared as he stomped out of the bar, leaving Mel to sniffle quietly. Mel wiped away a tear with a quiet sniffle as she watched Niko march off out the door to whatever fate awaited him.
Niko briskly strode past the chaos of the city square, pushing past a family of mice placing their belongings at the tribute pile. The wolf took a deep breath before jumping on the edge of the fountain, turning to face the crowd. “HEY! Everyone!” the wolf yelled, a majority of people stopping to heed his words. “Listen… that big… balloon woman. The baroness. We can’t let her push us around. Listen, if we sit here and just let her get away with this… what will happen next? What if word gets out? THISTLEBURROUGH, VILLAGE OF COWARDS! That’s what they’ll call us.” Niko fumed, pacing back and forth. “Every bandit from here to the border will come down and milk us like cattle, we won’t have a copper left!” the wolf stomped on the stones around the fountain, before lifting a fist skyward. “I don’t know about you, but I’m going to march out here, and tell her NO. She can float back over the mountains for all I care, but I’m gonna put a stop to this myself.” Niko grunted as he jumped down off the fountain, walking to the blacksmith’s shop, the crowd parting for him. He would reach for his coin purse as he walked in through the doorway, but the goat standing at the forge merely shook his head with a grin.
“This one is on the house young man. You’ve very brave.” the goat says with a smile, before reaching to the wall, grabbing a longsword hanging over the forge. “This one was a commission for a noble that never quite followed through. I was looking to sell it come the next festival season but… I think you might be needing it more than I will.” the goat says as he presses the fine blade into a leather scabbard. “Just return it after you’re done, okay?” the blacksmith says, handing it to Niko. The wolf’s arms drooped under the weight of the weapon as he grabbed it, the young man starting to sweat as he wrapped his hands around the hilt of the blade. It was heavy. Much heavier than any hoe or sickle.
“A-ah. Right… thanks old timer. I’ll be sure to bring it back after I’m done.” Niko said, mustering some of his bravado as he fastened the blade to his hip and stepped back into the village square. The wolf was shocked to see a small group of other villagers had assembled near the fountain, all armed with the best they could find. Farming tools, hunting bows, mining equipment, whatever was on hand. They all looked at Niko with trepidation as he stood at attention. They were looking to him for direction. “Alright everyone, we’re going to march west and… uh… tell that big balloon exactly what we think. Aren’t we!?” Niko would say before thumping his chest, prompting a cheer from the newly assembled militia. The wolf hoisted his blade over his head with a proud smile, leading his troops out of town and along the dusty road leading to the western woods. It was time for Niko to finally meet his destiny.


+
It wasn’t a tremendous journey to reach the western woodlands, the trees were tall and dense. A veritable sea of orange leaves, stretching far ahead in the autumn dusk. But what shocked the militia more than anything as the group reached the woods, was a dense heavy fog seeping past the trees, obscuring the entire treeline. The group in front of the gap in the trees, looking to Niko. The wolf could only gulp as he took a moment to hype himself up, giving his head a shake. It was just fog. Unnatural sure, but what would it do other than obscure the woods? The wolf turned to the group following him, and hoisted his fist aloft. “Alright everyone, onward!” the wolf would call out, before striding into the fog. He gulped to himself, gripping the hilt of his weapon as the group followed behind him. It was thick and heavy, they could hardly see more than maybe a meter ahead. But still they trudged on, taking their time and moving slow. Niko huffed as they walked into the fog, each minute dragging on as they made an effort to find their way onward. The wolf tried to keep a straight face, but twenty minutes into the journey almost everyone had lost their vigor they had in town. The oppressive air seemed to just push all around them and before long, they found they had lost all sense of direction.
“Niko, this doesn’t feel right. I think… I think I’m going to go back home.” a rabbit fellow near the back spoke up, clutching his pitchfork to his chest. Niko whipped around with a scowl on his face as he swung the flat of his blade against a nearby stump, the loud clang of metal ringing through the foggy wood.
“Fine, turn tail and run then. A coward like you won’t be of any help anyway.” Niko rasped with a cold growl, the rabbit’s ears draping flat over the sides of his skull as he ran back the way they came, leaving the group to confront the baroness with only a scant half dozen men. Niko clumsily thrust his sword back in it’s scabbard before rubbing the pommel. It felt propper in his palm now. This kind of power that he needed. He was the brave one. He was the hero. They advanced deeper into the fog, the militia noticing a low rumbling that filled the air and carried through the forest. A moose that walked behind the team, let out a loud grunt of discomfort. The rest of the team would turn around, looking at the man as he braced against the tree, lowering his bow.
“Ah… just a… HRRRP!” the moose would belch out, sending the sound reverberating through the foggy wood. The fellow blushed soon after, looking away with a quiet chuckle.
“Hey, Marlon! QUIET DOWN. You’re going to give away our position if you just make a bunch of noise, so either shut up or go back to the village.” Niko would say, whipping around to jab the moose in his belly.
“Gosh, I’m sorry Niko. I just… feel… off. Sick.” the moose would reply sheepishly, gulping as the wolf stared him down.
“Then go back home, get some medicine, and stay out of the way. The sick and weak are just gonna get picked off out here.” the wolf grumbles with a dismissive scoff, rubbing the pommel of his blade. Nice and heavy. Strong and sturdy, it felt right against his hand. Marlon opens his mouth to respond, but only stifles a burp with a blush. Rubbing his shoulder, the moose nods and turns away with a look of shame, following the path of the rabbit that fled before him.
"Now, if nobody ELSE has any complaints or outbursts?" The wolf would ask, turning back to the remaining villagers. Nobody responded, so the wolf turned and led the remainders onward. The trek continued for another fifteen uneventful minutes. The group was slowing from a March to a stride. A particularly plump and stout beaver in the rear was starting to take a particularly slow pace, adjusting his belt a few times during the trip. "Felvin… stop adjusting your belt." Niko would grumble, adjusting his own trousers with a frown.
"I'm sorry Niko, it just… I swear these pants fit better the other day. They're just a bit taut." The beaver replies sheepishly. Niko isn't particularly pleased to hear it, tapping his foot impatiently.
"Well, just don't let it - HUARP!" The wolf BELCHES as he stops mid sentence, the rest of the troup staring at him for a moment. Niko stammers soon afterward, waving his hands. “Hey hey… I just had a drink before we came out here. Things are fine, okay?” he says, pulling up his pants and turning about face to the path ahead. The group makes their slow pace, before they’re stopped by another deep rumble… this one much louder than before. It seemed so close, just up ahead another few minutes. The group of five push through the overgrowth and enter a clearing littered with debris. A few empty flasks, and a closed trunk fastened shut with leather straps, along with a few discarded food scraps and a fire pit.. The group would head into the clearing, Niko bending down and prodding the trunk as the other militia members fan out and look for clues. The group mills about for a minute or two, before Felvin chimes up, resting against a tree.
“Well, it seems that this is where she’s set up but I have no idea where she went. It’s not like we can track someone who flies.” the beaver would sigh with a shake of his head. At the very least, they’d found where she was set up. The group all met up near the trunk, and gave it a final once over.
“Well, at the very least we should take this back with us. Maybe whatever is inside is worth something? And that awful woman would get a feel for what it’s like to be robbed.” Niko suggested with a smile. The group all nodded in agreement, and so they gripped the heavy trunk and hoisted it upwards. After a few steps back towards the forest however… that horrible rumble sounded out. Heavy and thick through the air, loud enough for the vibration to shake the insides of the militia. The team dropped the trunk on the ground, before scrambling to grab their weapons. Back to back, all of them kept a close formation as they searched for the source of the sound. The last place they looked, was upwards.
“Hey, not wise to steal from a bandit you know.” A familiar voice called out from above, echoing through the clearing. Niko’s sweaty hand reached for his sword, but it slipped from his grasp and clunked clumsily back into its scabbard. That was all the time the balloon needed, waving her bloated arm. “Ignis statua.”
The grass in the center of the formation sparked with a bright plume of fire magic, Niko turned his head towards the source of the flame. The wolf didn't even not even have time to grasp as it ignited in a grand plume of fire, sending the group flying through the air. The explosion was enough to shatter the morale of the militia, the villagers scrambling in every direction as best they could after scrambling to their feet, soon lost in the foggy forest. Niko was left alone as he rolled over in the tall grass, gasping for breath. The titanic woman slowly descended as the wolf desperately patted at his fur, trying to douse the few embers that still clung to his pelt. “And you’re the leader I’m guessing? That’s a nice sword you’ve got there. You forget to use it or something?” the balloon said as she hovered close to the ground. For the first time, Niko was able to get a close look at her features. An alpaca woman, with a brown face and blue hair atop her head… sharp pink eyes leering past her ballooned cheeks as she looked him over.
“S-stay back! I’ll skewer you if you come any closer!” the wolf said as the blimp of an alpaca slowly wobbled closer, the breeze slowly pushing her towards the prone man. Niko pulled his sword out of his scabbard successfully this time. His arms shook as he held it ahead of him. It felt like a clumsy lead weight in his hands, the rumbling of the alpaca’s hide seeming to travel through the air as she smiled wider.
“Ah… the hero with his weapon. Well, I need to give you props for stepping up to the occasion. But face it… you’re out of your league.” the alpaca said, exhaling with a theatrical drawl as grey smog began to pour forth from her maw, sinking down towards the wolf.
“S-stop it! I warned you!” Niko would say as he shifted forward onto his haunches. He was poised to strike, but the woman looming over him flicked one of her bloated arms, a bolt of flame searing through the air before it hit his forearm, causing him to reel back and drop his weapon. “Augh! Damn you!”
“Oh shush. I told you no funny business. And what do you do? Bring all of your muck farmer friends out here to try and lynch me? Well… you blew it. But don’t worry, I’m a lady of my word. I’m gonna be making an example out of you.” she says, before another push of wind drops her down, her monolithic belly pinning the wolf to the ground with a heavy gurgle. “See, I’ve got big plans for this funny little land. Question for you wolfyyyyyyy…” the alpaca said, more of that grey smoke drawing down out of her open maw towards the wolf. He tried to press back against her enormous bust… but they merely yielded back for a moment, before springing back to pin him back into the grass. Niko couldn’t help but take in a deep breath of the smog as he hit the ground, his head starting to swim. “How much do you think it costs to remove a curse? Considering current market prices.” The alpaca asks.
“I… I don’t know! I don’t know anything about curses… hrrp… oog.” the wolf belches back, his squirming starting to ebb out.
“WHELLL… Hwah... “ the windbag alpaca replied with a smokey exhale, grinning ever wider as the wolf started to rumble and shift. His belly was beginning to make quite a commotion under The Baroness, and things would only be getting worse as she went on. “Last I checked, about one hundred gold. How much you got on you, buddy?” the woman asked. Niko shifted and reached under his side, gulping down more of that smoke as his hand was thrust into his coin purse. “Two silver… ngh… HORUP… three copper.” The wolf choked, defeated and distraught.
“Wow, they don’t pay heroes much nowadays. Do they? BWARP!” Baroness Maxwell belched, a heavy puff of smoke drifting down right into Niko’s face.
+
“I’m… not…” the wolf choked, turning his head over to the sword laying in the grass, far out of reach. “I’m not a hero, I’m just a farmer!” the wolf yelped out in fear, before a rude rumble shook the ground under him. FWRRRMP!
“Oh, right in front of a lady too. So you’re just a dirt packer like the rest huh? What a shame. See, it really sucks that you’re broke, because I’d say you’re very cursed.” she grins as a breeze carries through the clearing, lifting the alpaca up and away from the wolf. He’d lean upwards with a huff, nearly screaming as he saw his own stomach. Swollen and round, the wolf’s belly looked as if he’d swallowed a prized pumpkin. The bloated mass of wolfgut steadily swelled out in front of him, showing no signs of stopping.
“You! What did you do to me!?” he cries out, his trousers starting to pull taut as he feels his backside push out against their confines, furry butt flesh starting to crawl over his waistband.
“I think it should be obvious. I’ve cursed you! Well, I’ve cursed you multiple times really.” the woman replied matter of factly, twisting about a bit as more smoke poured from her nostrils. “You know, things start to pile up when you travel. You lose a few fights against air elementals… you end up nice and round. Eat a few strange berries in an elven cave? Only bigger. Strange bug bites… botched levitation potions… cursed items… things pile up. Next thing you know… you’re stuck floating. Round. Big. FULL.” the alpaca cackles, watching the wolf steadily expand as he tries to push and squeeze his middle, only causing more pointless releases of pressure. “After a while, it all sort of blends together inside somebody. But you know? I don’t think it’s much of a curse I've got. This strange smoke… it just never stops. It just fills and flows, smogging up all kinds of places, like a kind of magic poison. Funny enough, works great with magic. Air magic in particular.” Niko only pants and whines, his cheeks starting to puff up as the stitches on his tunic start to pop one by one, his grey furred belly lurching out from under it. “You’d never guess it… but this smog isn’t just one curse. I’ve lost count of them by now, but removing one isn’t going to stop it. Sure, maybe a passing cleric might take pity on you, but who has that kind of power? Nothing short of a Bishop could remove multiple curses. And I haven’t seen a single one stoop for less than one thousand gold.” the alpaca teases as the wolf tries to reach for the sword on the ground, but another BWRRRMP escapes his door-clogging rear, splitting his pants in two. Baroness Maxwell waves her hand, and a spectral force seizes the sword, pushing it into its scabbard. The leather clasp clicks over the hilt as it’s set against the trunk.
“W-what are you gonna HAORRRRUP do with me? Please, let me go!” the blimping wolf pleads, his legs and arms plumping up with cursed wind. He wasn’t a hero, he was just a farmer. The sword was clearly too heavy a burden to bear, and the dread of his realization was swelling inside… much like the smoke that pushed harshly through his nostrils. He should have listened to Mel… he should have just tossed his money and pride aside. His arm ached where it was struck by the fire bolt from earlier, the swelling appendage only showing more of that scorched skin as he grew too big to manage more than a wobble.
“In due time, my round friend. You just relax a bit while I think for a moment.” the alpaca smirked as she continued to exhale, more of the air growing grey with that smog. The gusts whipped around the clearing as the smoke was pulled close to the blimp of a woman, her taut form rocking slightly as she became surrounded by the air. “There we are. This little trick is a fun one. I’m a big target you see… but if the little knights and heroes like you can’t shoot an arrow through a little breeze, then it’s not like anyone can dissuade me. A lot of people don’t put much stock in a simple gust of wind… but they’re just not thinking outside the box.” she says as the alpaca grinned, a pale glow enveloping the locked trunk near the center of the clearing and hoisting it along. It too was carried by the breeze as the Baroness surveyed the sky for a moment mumbling quietly to herself. “Well, that’s enough time for them I think. I can only hope they paid up… or you’ll have plenty of company. Least of all every stupid little friend that tried to come along with you.
“N-no. Just… HURARP… BWARRRRP!” the wolf whined out, before his stomach surged heavily before him, his paws losing purchase on the grass. Niko would whine and chuff as he tried to let out the pressure, but all his efforts were for naught. His arms and legs flapped uselessly as he was picked up in the breeze, his blue tunic finally ripping off and fluttering to the ground as he floated free of the ground.
“Actually, I was just going to send you off.” The alpaca sneered, watching the wolf belch and bloat. But I have a WONDERFUL idea for you. Much more suitable.” the alpaca said, her body slowly rotating. Her broad butt wobbles like twin boulders, a tiny tuft of a tail resting upon them as she looked over the debris. The wolf groaned as a blue field of magic surrounded his shredded tunic and his sword and carried them off the ground, the alpaca slowly turning back towards him. Niko whimpered as Baroness Maxwell drifted closer… smoke pouring from her nostrils as she flashed a sadistic sneer.
“Deep breaths now, Mister Hero.”


+
The people of Thistleburrough waited near the town square, a majority of them huddled up inside the shops and homes surrounding the fountain. A few of them muttered prayers, some of them gripped some tools to defend themselves if need be… but none intended to oppose the Baroness. All manner of coins and valuables were stacked in front of the fountain, glistening through the hazy moonlight. The thick fog had drawn in from the woods, covering the town in the thick gloom that evening. It was a bad omen to be sure, crusting the diminished spirits of the citizens as they waited for the baroness..
“BWARRRRp. HRRRRP! Mnngh..!” sounds rang out from the west. The townsfolk murmured to themselves as the sounds grew closer. A collective gasp rang out as a gigantic mass broke through the fog and floated into the town square. A titanic brown mass, with sunken in arms, an enormous bloated rump, and a heaving creaking stomach. Antlers flanked the top of the blimp, and a quiet groan escaped it’s huge expanse. Marlon was… enormous. Hopelessly bloated, the townsfolk fearfully murmuring as the moose drifted to a stop over the town hall. Soon after, a few more balloons pushed through the fog and brought the count to a solid five, taking up the space above the town square. Each one looked defeated, full, and miserable, drifting and bumping off of each other over the fountain. The townsfolk dare not speak up against what happened. Everyone worried about what would happen next, the quintet of blimps letting out rumbles of pressure and groans as they floated in place, dazed and disarmed. The din would only grow worse as the wind began to pick up, the fog shifting and swirling around the town as it grew in intensity, the people of the town taking cover and shielding themselves as the harsh wind grew to a fever pitch. BWOOM! A colossal figure pushed through the fog, slamming into the five swollen townsfolk and sending them spiraling aside.
“BOO!” the figure called out, the Baroness having thrust through the fog into the square. She was as round as ever, her bloated face shifting towards the pile of gold. “There we are! Good good good. See, all of you? Very smart, very safe. As you can see, your friends here...” she says, pointing one of her barrel-rounded arms at the beaver floating near the blacksmith’s shop. “Stupid. Dangerous. These guys? I’ll let you all deal with them. With any luck, it might wear off in a few years. Maybe sooner, depending on how good any of you are with curses.” the alpaca said as her trunk drifted through the fog towards the town square. With a loud clunk, the top opened and was scooped through the pile of coins piled high, before closing and locking with a loud KACHUNK. “That’s all I need. The rest is all yours. To whoever chipped in the suit of armor, I appreciate the thought but uh… you know.” The Baroness smiled sheepishly, waggling her arms. “You’d probably have an easier time making an iron boat.” the woman joked, before taking one last sweep of the treasure. “At any rate… the rest is yours. I can’t carry that much pocket change.” the woman would say with a laugh, before the winds around picked up and the Baroness was carried up and away from the square with a deep, rumbling laugh. “Feel free to do what you wish with all of these losers… except the last one. Your ‘hero’. You leave him as is. A warning.” she says with one last smirk, before turning about face and drifting clear of the buildings. One final figure pushed through the fog as the wind picked up, revealing a final balloon… one to rival the Baroness herself. Niko floated slowly, and fatefully through the town entrance as he blushed behind his watermelon cheeks, his bloated neck and face keeping his maw shut. Not that he had much to say, other than being able to force the occasional belch or whimper out. But even if he could speak, Niko was silenced by shame. The former captain of the militia creaked as he bumped off the fountain in the center of the town, the townsfolk looking him over as they began to gather their belongings. This wouldn’t impact their winter very much all things considered, if anything they were merely happy to be spared the fate of the volunteer force. The wolf slowly rotated through the air, blinking back tears of shame as he drifted in front of the Leaky Bucket. Niko’s stomach dropped as he came eye to eye with Mel, the cat gasping and covering her mouth at the sight of him. Niko’s eyes showed remorse, pain and embarrassment as he stared at the cat. Mel withdrew her hand with a huff, her fangs clenched with tears in her eyes. She had no words for the wolf. She warned him as best she could, but he merely ignored her. He got what he deserved after all, a great battle and a chance to prove himself. The old feline turned away, closing the window to the bar and leaving Niko to drift in shame. The wolf only shuddered as a cold wind blew through the town. A natural, piercing wind that pushed him forward… and the town gasped. There were only a few moments of silence, before someone burst into laughter. Then another… then another as the town square was filled with the sounds of uncontrollable hysterics. Niko only turned redder as his titanic ass tilted skyward… a smooth leather scabbard shoved between his cart-sized asscheeks, the remains of his tunic fixed to the handle to form a flag that fluttered above him. A single word was burnt into the fabric as it fluttered on it’s makeshift flagpole, letting everyone know who he was.
Hero.


+
The Barroness hummed to herself as she drifted along the eastern winds, looking over the horizon for her next target. “Heh heh heh. Another easy score. I have no idea what those morons expected to have happen to them, but they certainly blew up nicely. Not much of a haul, but it’s what I should expect for going out to the boonies.” She hummed, her treasure trunk drifting alongside her titanic bulk. Her belly rumbled heavily, before the alpaca frowned and shook her head. “Ugh. I should have taken a few pies or something too. I’m bloody starving.” the alpaca would sigh, before looking at a nearby tree and noting a few shining red apples on it. “Lucky me. Good things come to those who wait. Ahhhh~” she would say as she floated towards a tree, mouth open. So close, she could taste it. Closer and closer she drifted, before her nose bumped the shiny red fruit…

“LOW BATTERY, ENTERING SLEEP MODE.”

Maddy yelped as her VR headset beeped off, the alpaca having leaned forward off her couch and her nose hanging an inch from the carpet. “Fuckin’ hell. A step away from that nice juicy apple.” she would grumble before righting herself back back on her fat rump and peeling the goggles off her head. Madison’s living room was covered in empty cans, chip bags and takeout containers. It was no secret that she was enjoying her weekend off, wasting just about all of it with her new toy. Leaning back on the sofa, she’d rub her eyes before reaching into her pocket and pulling out her phone. 2:45 AM, SAT. She was up way WAY past her bedtime. That being said however, it was the weekend. Not like her housemate was home anyway, she’d be free to make as much of a ruckus as she wanted. Scooting over the side of the sofa, she’d reach over the side with a wide smile on her face. “Gotta say, it’s pretty fun buuuutt..." she’d say before pulling a hose up over the side of the armrest. “You can’t beat the real thing!” Leaning forward, the alpaca would grab a remote off the coffee table ahead of her and kick back her feet, sinking into the sofa. “Virtual reality has a long way to go, that’s for sure.” she sighed before popping the hose into her maw, and pressing the remote as she patted her belly.

Hssssss….!