i knew you were gonna do this :D
congrats dude for branching out

Thanks! x)

it was good but maybe a little more choices between dialogue

Oh yeah, it'll be MUUUUCH longer than this, but I'll try and keep in mind more dialogue choices, yeah C:

Alright. Since I'm caring about you from when we did the English to Dutch Golde Week together I will give the pro treatment I normally only use for comics that have ended.

Prepair for a LONG LIST.

First of all, I like the fact you gave Your Instincts and Your Common Sence an own color. That can give some really intresting ideas for the future. A little bit like the cartoon girl in Lizzy Mequire.
2. I have to say the black and white artstyle really fits you and is recognisavle. You are one of the few artist I know that don't use 'hard colors' or 'sharp lines' as I wanna call them. You basic art is always very soft and nice for the eye. In that case it won't be a punishment to play this game for long. So visual it looks great.
3. I was very surprised by the movement of the jaws. You don't see that much in a VN because it's one of a hell to do (can I imagen. I dunno, I don't even art good yet) Most Vn's I played till this point have their avatar silence without any movement. And I know this is easy to done once it's done because you can just copy it (I presume) but still it find it impressive.
4. First day of semester is a very common day to start. I know for fact that most books and stories start on either 'the first day-' of something or monday. In that way you can create the feeling you are in the total start of something. And their isn't something happen before.
5. Should the german sheperd resamble you? Since Golden Week I always though your head sona was Dederick? But I know it is german-boy.
6. Where is 'sueing trees' come from? is that just a joke or can that really be happen in whatever country you life?
7. So, I choose the Shout-option. And I had to laugh at the last few sentences. Kinda
interpretable. Which I like since School-sex is one of my kinda (mostly combined with suits.

In conclusion it was a fun thing to see and I can say it has potential.
I do have some tips. I hope you don't mind since I know your much more experienced with stories than I do. But maybe it has something that you didn't think about yet.
1. Have a clear end. This might sound weird in this fase of the project but from experience in story writing and roleplay I know it's hard to keep up a 'never ending' story if you don't have fresh imput so don't try to overlook yourself.
2. Write everything you think off down. This is a personal thing, but I always keep a notepad with me in case I get ideas since me stories are mostly based on people, events and places around me. So it's easy to write something down and don't have to repeat it in your head.
3. Make sure to have a plan. I don't want to trow a knife in your back, again I care about you. But when I look to most prommising comics, vn's and other furry related projects their is always a problem, sometimes they stuck.
An example is the Zodiac comic made by DeviantArts Eggpalm. A comic about superhero's based on the 12 zodiac signs. They had a great first start and than... nothing. I know something can always happen. I had plannend a big part of my own story this summer but thanx to corona it didn't come out. Another example is a comic about a couple of friends that all trough finding out they became gay. It was called something with 'gears' I was lucky to find an old piece of the comic in my old google drive storage before it was gone. It's still in my gallery till today because I try to find the artist to either give it back or ask him if he will be alright of me bringing the guy back to life.
So I hope you can take the time for this project and not try to rush it, because that can lead to ugly results.

And in the end, I hope this will work out. You have my full support and I hope I can play he game once your finished. Happy october Kimmy.
Hugs and kisses from everyone at my part of the screen.

Awwooooooo!

Whoa, that's a lot! But to sum it all up;

Thanks! I don't plan on having it be black and white, I plan to change the art for the final version, (once again, this is just a prototype), and the maned wolf isn't meant to be me, just trying out new character out there.
Also, I do plan on making it a shorter, concise thing with a clear end, so no need to worry too much on that front, but thanks for the concern anyway, mate! x)

Looks very nice.. playing his thoughts as two sides (with a color tag too) is a very good way to convey the idea of being sides of a thing, and setting those apart from the conversation.

Thanks! Hopefully, I can explore that idea a bit further and somewhat better too! :B

I like the eye and muzzle movement but don’t you think that horse looks like a donkey?

I dunno man, I don't know how to draw horses. I've done it so little in the past, I'm still trying to get used to it, but thanks for the input!

I know. It’s hard to do something the first time (pun not intended) but I also experienced something like that when developing my paperdolls

Realllyyyy interesting concept with the instinct and common sense thing going on there. I really like that being the choices.

Thanks! Somewhat reminiscent of the paragon/renegade thing of Mass Effect, but less evil/good and more so emotional/rational, or the neutral path, as always C:

I know it's a trial run so far, but I only really have 2 things slightly critical to say.

1: One choice that early with no others is a little low, so I hope that's just a product of it being a test run. You don't have to make every choice branch right away either, sometimes it can just give you fun dialogue or build a reputation system in the background. This depends on how much like an actual visual novel you want it to be or if it's more for presentation. Don't be afraid to have non-cannon endings and such.

2: I like the idea of the Common Sense and Instinct inner dialogue, but I feel like there might be a better name for Common Sense and Instinct, maybe Reason and Intuition? Just a small thing so don't think about it too much.

Do you plan to keep the presentation the same ore are you going to add color and backgrounds and such?

Thanks doggo!

1: Yes, that's a result of it being a prototype, I'll definitely be rewriting the whole thing to make choices more interesting and more nuanced, but thanks for the heads up!

2: The name thing has been brought up by other people as well. I'm still trying to ponder which are the best versions to go down with, and how to give them a better "voice".

And by golly, yes. Colors and backgrounds and expressions as well! Didn't want to sink too much time into the prototype in case people weren't up with the whole VN idea.

they are funny bunch of fellows.. so far

That's the best part, thanks! x3

Style definitely stood out, even if it was just face portraits against a black background, I liked how they moved.

And while I liked the idea of Common Sense and Instinct, it very much felt like 2/3 voices in 1 body sort of deal. Maybe because they felt so different from the main character himself? If that was the intention/tied into the main character's personality, then no problem. Otherwise, maybe a slightly toned down version whenever they speak? I don't think they should be thrown away completely, as again, I like the idea of them. I've also never really encountered them in a visual novel/game before, so maybe I'm just not used to it, if this is indeed how they are supposed to be.

I hope you have fun on the project, regardless of how you decide to take things!

Thank ye, I do plan on adding color and more, so we'll see about style further down the line.

The voices are meant to be all part of the same character, yes. I still have to think a bit better about how to give them their individual voices and make them stand out more, but thanks for the input! :)

I don't know if you are a gamer, but if you are, please take a look at "Disco Elysium". Seems like you are on a similar narrative path and it will give you a lot of ideas for development.

Can't wait to see this project grow! You are an amazing storyteller.

Cheers.~

I am and I have! It's a huge inspiration indeed on the narrative path indeed. I'm also seeking other games like Pathologic 2 and Cultist Simulator for inspiration on the writing, dunno if you're familiar with them, but I deeply recommend 'em.

And thanks for the trust, mate! It makes me quite happy that you think so highly of me x)

Let me know if you need play testers or anything amigo!

It's cool you're taking another shot at this.

Right!? After years of talking about this, I'm finally making some progress! :B

And sure thing, I'll let'cha know!