Good off thus far. Your descriptions are excellent in bringing the imagery to life. Rai seems a good character build thus far. Best of luck with the rest.

Thank you very much. This is my first time seriously writing anything in this fashion, so any criticism is greatly appreciated before I go too far in any direction.

I'd love to critique your work but unfortunately I can't download things to the particular computer I'm on right now, any chance of you reuploading it as a txt file? All you do is copy and paste it onto notepad, then when you save it there'll be a box that either says 'ANSI' 'Unicode' 'Unicode big edian' or 'UTF-8' you want it to be 'UTF-8' then you just upload it to FA.

If you do that then I can critique it

I can do that. I'll throw it in scraps when I finish. Hopefully notepad won't mess it up.