Dealing with 2 billion dead bodies would be a real bitch

kill all the extremist!!! hehehe ;)

Make all the cell phones into small thermite explosives. The immensely hot pyrotechnic explosion reduces corpses into smoldering ash, and there's gotta be close to two billion cell phones out there, if not more.

That is a great idea but the incendiary risk is high.

We (the 'we' that don't see more people as a problem) obviously can't do it ourselves, so it HAS to be gov't mandated.

I swore off having kids when I was in my early teens. I've stuck to it and will continue to do so. Yes, I'm perfectly serious. VHEMT

OMFG LOL XD

whooo! Kill off anyone who isn't in the furry fandom =P

That would knock the popular down a few billions! XD

wate 30 years a climate change will have done it for you.

...Am I the only one who found it oddly ironic that in that last panel, the guy looks like he's doing a "Heil Hitler"?

I thought it was kinda funny how in the 2nd panel he looks a bit like Travis Bickle (from Taxi Driver)

Hmm.. I have an idea.. but it'd take a few generations to work. I was thinking it wouldn't kill people.. but I guess you'd have to kill all the extremists against gays.. Pretty much let closet gays be open and screw other guys instead of making children just to put up a cover. I have a friend that has a dad that did that. One or two less childs per gay couple, those children that aren't born won't have their children and so on. I know it's sounds like a pro gay thing, and it is, but it does make sense! Gayness is natures population control!

Internationally-mandated games of russian roulette, followed by a lifting of the taboo on cannibalism?

Like a dual contest of the Russian Rolette the winner takes all, I bet the population of poor country's would decrease dramatically.

Oh, we already have several methods of those. They're called natural disasters, plagues, and war, respectfully... too bad people keep finding ways to get rid of or protect themselves from those. ^^

The very best option at this point would be to impose a requirement for a breeding license before you are allowed to have children or get someone else pregnant. To apply for one, you would get tested on both your suitability to raise children AND on the quality of the genes you're passing on (keeping a respect for diversity, of course. Don't want a single race of nazi supermen in the future).

You get your license? Congratulations! Fuck like bunnies! Reproduce! You deserve it!

Didn't get your license? ... Each child you have comes not with welfare checks, but a BIG FAT FINE (scaled appropriately to income)! And what discourages people better than taking away their money? Oh, I might add that all of the money collected will be distributed directly to local schools, helping to ensure the intelligence of the future generations.

In time, the overall population drops and the quality of the collective gene pool and average intelligence will skyrocket, thus saving planet Earth. ^^

Great don't forget about cars crashes in the so called natural disasters lol. Yeah your so right about but there is a problem should midget aka Dwarves people allowed to mate even only with each other?

Eh. I think dwarfism fits into the category of conditions that just make you different, not worse. So that alone won't stop them. ^^

I mean, how boring would the future be without midgets? =(

Let Bush stay in office until he wins the war in the middle east. ...c'mon, we all know he's gonna try to weasel past getting booted out of office in 2008..

Use Neutron bombs to eliminate all the stupid people on the Earth. (Little to no lingering radiation, less damage) Since 70% of humans are below average intelligence, that will take us down to an acceptable level. Let Africa and South America be empty continents, free of humans.

And what would the remaining percentile of humanity do with the oxygen level dropping in half (or there-abouts) with the indiscriminant destruction of the rain-forests?

Oh and before you say less people would use less air.. Climbing everest solo won't make breathing at the summit any easier.

Actually, most oxygen comes from the ocean, int eh form of Algae, not the rainforest.

LOL if that is about intelligence I think USA is doomed.

Remove warning tags? I suppose that'd only work on the truly stupid people in countries where the tags exist. And it's true that it's not very original. Perhaps it'd provide us enough time to come up with a way to kill 2 billion to provide us with enough time to get it down to a proper level? :D

I'm sure that one could easily employ the power of Organized religion... with enough money one could easily encourage preachers to talk about the benefits of ________. Insert whatever unhealthy or possibly suicidal behavior you like there, and the people will do it so long as an obscure biblical phrase agrees.

Nuke us from orbit! Its the only way to be sure!

Another Olsen twins movie. the resulting suicides should take out a healthy 2bil on their own.

So you want to kill two billion people? Start a religion. Take that as you will.

Start with the prison system, all the death row and life sentence inmates. Then take the unreformable and insane. Move to the incurable and near death. Gather all the scuicidal and other volenteers. Pick off the geneticly defective. Finally thin the most over crowded, famished and suffering regions.

I know I'm totally gonna get flamed for this, but I'm of the opinion that Hitler kinda had the right idea, but totally went about it the wrong way. It was that picking and choosing who lived and who died thing. Now, I'm not saying I condone in any way what Hitler was doing, but I will admit to seeing some logic behind it. It was not just Jews in the camps, but also anyone with serious diseases, malformities, etc. But the human race is breeding itself to extinction too... many recessive genes, the various malformities and diseases we have spawned just keep growing. The sheer fact that people are having half a dozen or more children each when they are being abused and neglected... and then cannot help but to pass these traits to their offspring... and so on. For one, I think we need to take a more serious bite down on crimes. Most pre-meditated thefts, all pre-meditated murders should be dealt with by death. This would also require, however, for us to find a way to infalliably determine whether people are innocent or guilty, as the largest problem has been in the past... and I dont see any way around anytime soon. More people need to work on proper 'truth serums'... and lawyers need to uphold that whole 'speak the truth and only the truth' that they so conviently ignore, because it is their job.

er... I'm rambling. sorry...

Don't forget that the homosexual were the fist to go to the death camps.

Yeah, that too. :(

Actually... I believe I have the solution to this issue.

Remember the sadistic game shows they have on japanese TV? Sort of like the 'reality tv' we got here but worse?
What if we crank it up a notch and make it a 'last man standing' kind of thing. Elimination rounds and the like causing people to eliminate themselves until only the strongest survive.
You might ask what would cause people to actually do this willingly? The answer is Money.
Pay someone enough and they will walk barefoot through hell.

Of course there is Plan 'B'.

A home video show called "America's most insane stunts".

This will either eliminate people by the thousands or at the very least the ensuing crotch injuries will leave them sterile and/or impotent.

With luck it will at least weed out the terminally stupid.

I hear fast food and fast cars are both doing a great job. So possibly drive-thru restaurants on racing wheels?If you crash trying to get to the pay-window your meal is free!

remove safety equipment out of cars, at the moment every 12 mins a person dies from a car accident in the world, bring car safety standards back to 1960's american car safety standards, before seatbelts were put in etc
that'd remove quite a few people with decent speed

*pulls out "A Modest Proposal" by John Swift*

Its billiant, and nothing goes to waste.

no more meds. easy, simple, and works supizingly fast.

nuke east dallas.
Fuckers always fucking up traffic.
also, half of california, ALL
OF AFRICA (yay no aids help commercials anymore) the south of england, west china, north Korea
and hawaii.That will cover the 2 billion, plus, the survivors will eventually reinhabit those areas, so it will spread people apart.

Ya know, Overpopulation is a myth, currently your 6Billion people all fit in Texas and still have enough room to do some steps. I mean certain areas are not populated while others have a lot of population. There is only a overpopulation in certain parts of the wrold, where many people live together, like China or India, but there, most people are in the cities, so go figure.

The term "Overpopulation" is kinda rasistic, it means that there are too many people for one race that need to be wiped out, this is utter nonsense. In the 70s they said, we would be a wasteland by now, and nothing happend.

The planet can easily hold 9 billion people without problems. Google about the topic and do some research, I belived in overpopulation too, until I read an article of a female sicentist that overthrew everything I used to know.

Also, here in germany, people will get old and die, we will be down to 72 Million people in the next 30 years, so no worries.

yeah? and where will they get their water from?

Every state in Australia is currently under drought. Our government is seriously considering piping water 2000 kms from the Kimberleys to Perth just to keep this tiny city supplied.

No it can't I study that stuff. For example the quantity of raw material that you need to provide the world with food, wears and mobility and other stuff is 14 times greater than the planet can sustain in a long term run. In 0 DC the total planetary population of earth was of about 500 million people, in 1850 the world was populated by almost one billion today is almost 7 billion in the space of less than 100 year the earth population multiplied by 6 the cause is simple. Medicine, after the invention of modern medicine and vaccination. The biggest problem today is not the population of modern countries but the birth rate of the 3rd world countries like middle east, and india and other like them, the African nations have lot of death in birth and AIDS and even other stuff that make control of the population. The biggest fear that I have is a war against masses of people China, India, Tuckie and other counties are creating a slow invasion of the globe think about one third of the global population is chinise + indian is like where you live you find than they easily in case of war or invasion can over take the globe easily, some one called China the sleeping dragon and that is true. One more think the biomass of human matter and constructions is covering a lot of land today every place on the world is destroyed or at risk, you can see it your self just go to Google Earth and go check USA industrial and agriculture take over of the land or go to China and try to find A spot of land with more than 100miles of wild (in china the city mas of little streets can go 300miles from one city in the cost to the deep china).

Well, its all possible. China always had great masses, as well as India, but they taking over the world? I dont think so. China already has the "one child policy" that is entforced to the extreme and India is not suffering that much from thier big population.

The USA, on the other had, never cared about eco protection, for the very reson tha you will never get elected president wehn you support such ideas, the companies claim its bad for the ecconomy, wihch is total nonsense.

Also, we are able to create all kinds off food, and so far, people have to eat and to drink. While this is not ture for all countries, its possbile to provide enough food and water for our 6 Billion people we have. The 1st World countries produce so much food, that you could supply the 3rd world for years with food.

China made a jump from the 3rd to the 1st world and of course, it that cant be that good. Still, we could change a lot, we could help the 3rd world countries and aid them with knowledge so thy can live without problems, but we dont do it. We are too arrogant to see that one mans problem is everyoens problem.

I also want to note, that the USA are the number one in poputing the enviorment, so why not begin there and install filters, do more for eco protection and so on? Why not do something agaisnt all that? Where are you afraid of?

First power is boring, if your wet dream is being president know that I will be the one to shot in the head (this is not for you but all politicians want-to-be). Second you are a hell of humanist, that is good to some point but don't forget the other species (you must be saying right now "fuck the other species, human are the number one"). The problem is not invasion but occupation, the point is that he are using fossil fuels of every kind to make a golden age that is coming to an end. About food ,news flash, America is one of the few country that produces surplus of food to sell you can go check this at the FAO world food organization. You need to understand geography to understand truelly what is going on, and to know the peoples philosophies and sociology too. Do you know that the earth can only sustain a rich population of 500 millions with the level of technology of 200 years ago and that today only maybe 1 to 2 billion.
Funny fact: If I would like to kill all the people of the world with my two hand in my life time (80 years )if I'm very lucky, with all the stress and pollution) that would be 6,600,000,000. people. That act would be to kill 6.6billions people in 2.46billions of seconds is like killing 3 persons per second with out sleep eat or poop and with out inserting the grow rate in the equation. So you see we human race are to many in this "global village". The more people on earth the more is the possibility of a pandemic that would eradicate more then 2/3 of the global population.
Please stop having babies principally in the over populated countries of the third so your sons and the other animals can live in peace.

Please save the baby seals, the baby dog, the baby cats, the baby dolphins, the baby bears, the baby lions, the baby koalas, the baby birds, the baby wales, the baby foxes and all other species that are not plagues or viral like us humans.

Well, ya know, as much as I would like to discuss this all night long, its better not to do here. If you belive we are a pluage, then you should think about what you are: yes, you are human, so you are a part of the problem.

The other point is, the next pandemic will happen anyway, the last waas 1918, the next will come soon, so the problem fixes itself. Nature creates viruses and other stuf wehn there is too much of a thing, so we are the next.

Even so, you sound like on of the extreme eco protection guys who put animal life in fvor for human ones.

Yes, I´m a humanist, and I take human life above EVERYTHING else! I dont care for the straving dog, as long as I can save a straving human. I´m also a Technocrat and belive that we can usetechnoligy to slove our problems.

If you want to discuss this futher with me, send me a PM, please.

BTW: I cant be president of your country, I´m not American, I´m german and thus cant get elected president, at least not in your country.

Right now, Earth seems fairly well to cope with the 6 billion people we have. While not everything is perfect, its still a way to slove all this, but you may have already gave it up.....

We could do it with lots of games of musical chairs.

It would also keep the healthier specimens, though I don't know if it's desirable.

kill all doctors.

That is the most easy and interesting way to drop the population, shall we begin with Doctor House MD.

Okay, I made a joking suggestion earlier about Bush and whatnot.. But now for a serious proposal:

Detonate EMP warheads in orbit over every major population center on earth. To clarify, an EMP warhead is a theoretical weapon of mass destruction that discharges the same, or greater, amount of EMP as a nuclear warhead. However the pulse's spread is determinant on the altitude of the warhead. According to the segment on them on "Future Weapons" as shown on Discovery channel, if one were detonated a few hundred miles over the united states, the pulse would cover coast to coast, the southern edge of canada..leaving only the northern tip of Maine uneffected.

Most of us remember the chaos when the whole of New York suffered a total power grid failure a few years ago. Now imagine that chaos spread across the entire country in every major city, with few--if any--means of communicating. Only EMP protected facilities would remain remotely functional, and even they wouldn't last long on emergency generators.

Now imagine that on a world-wide scale in super-densly populated regions of the world like cities in India, Hong Kong, Tokyo, etc. The whole of the human race would be thrown back to the 16-1800's..only with the small arms of today, and the more volitile mentality of modern society.

The boon is, after humanity implodes in the initial few months of the tech throwback, the survivors would have mostly intact cities and towns to repopulate because EMP is a non-destructive force. It'd only fry electronics, not level cities and irradiate huge tracks of land and sources of water. ....though nuclear reactors melting down would do that well enough in parts of the world.

Interesting, nuclear reactor meltdown would happen because of the nuclear plant radiation shield, but all power lines and electronics would be fried . The anarchy because of the lack of telecommunications and all the riot would increase the numbers of crime and with out tech stuff and refrigeration hospitals would be out in a few days. The problem is that the rebuilding and burning of all stuff destroyed in wars and riots would be enormous and so the pollution and exploration of raw materials, this is very bad to wild life and ecosystems. Plus see the example of Afghanistan, even after war with CCCP or Soviet Union, almost 20 years of Civil War and the American Bombing, Afghanistan is one of the countries with more population grow and population in general for such a poor and destroyed country Only a pacific population drop or pandemic (plague) would be viable.

I have enough faith in humanity that it'll sufficiently implode after a few days of no prime time tv or internet on a worldwide scale.

But seriously enough. The complete shutdown of 99% of the world's telecommunications, electrical grids, and economic facilities (Wallstreet, the Swish National Bank, etc) would bring humanity to it's knees. There would be now mass scale rebuilding, because all of the tools we rely on to do real building nowadays is reliant on electricity in some form or another. You can't dig for iron if the excavator won't run. You can't harvest grains if the combine machine doesn't start. And falling back on doing things the old fashioned way with pick axes, shovels, scythes, horse-driven plows, etc won't meet the supply needs of the current population. Riot and mass panic would cull the herd pretty quickly, plus the initial destruction of cars suddenly going dead on highways, interstates, in cities, etc. Not to mention the hundreds if not thousands of planes that are airborn at all times the world over. Most trains probably wouldn't have anything except inertia to slow down or stop them. That'd put a considerable chunk of humanity down, at least a few hundred thousand the world over, if not the first million.

As for meltdowns, there are probably plenty of reasons for plants to go critical. Perhaps some parts of the facilities that are vital for other areas aren't shielded from external radiation and go down, which in turn affect other systems that affect even more vital systems. Though it's just as likely that the crews manning the various facilities would be able to shut things down. Though without contact with the outside world, how would they know before it was too late?

That's the thing about a wide scale EMP strike.. Click, everything goes off, and doesn't come back on.

Microphage that sterilizes everyone with below average intellect.

Simple, no messy cleanup.

Why 2 billion? I say exterminate the whole bloody lot.

R.

That's easy swap all the candy like MENTOS for some deadly poison. But then you have to swap the slogan to "MENTOS the dead makers"

The ignorant and easy answer (easy for me, because I don't know anyone there) is nuke China and India. That'll net you 2.5 billion deaths. :D

only problem is that China and India are Nuclear Powers too.

Simply convince 2 billion people that they must kill; a one person, to live.
then kill them.
That should keep us floating for a few more decades.

Elevate the standard of living of the 3rd world and the developing world to 1st world status, population-contraction will follow in just a few short generations.

Actually, in a story dealing with a race that bred very rapidly, homosexuality was a means of population control. Only those deemed genetically superior were allowed to breed.

Hypothetically, melting the ice caps quickly would flood almost all coastal cities, where a huge percentage of the population lives.

Population is created by agriculture - in a broad sense, including fishing/hunting/breeding. Why do you think they had Buffalo Bill kill the buffaloes? The first step of an orderly population trimming is to sabotage and destroy all university, charity and business institutions doing research on agricultural production increase. They say it's to fight famine, but the outcome is population increase. For his work on the "green revolution", Norman Borlaug should have gotten the Nobel Overpopulation Prize in 1970 instead of the Nobel Peace Prize. As a second step, sabotage and destroy all the chemical facilities manufacturing fertilizers and pesticides; that should suffice to kill your two billion people in the most natural and sustainable way, which is starving.

You going to volunteer to be the first one?

The solution to overpopulation is more people. What we do is genetically engineer a sentient being in the shape of a strand of hair and we implant it onto the skin of a ordinary human being. We then copy the human's personality into this being and wire it's senses into it's host and cause them to each share thoughts and feelings. We repeat this process a few million times, replacing all hair follicles on the host's head with these parasites.

Each man, woman and child will become their own city. Those who are unable to adapt to the change will commit suicide and the rest will cease to breed excessively as they will feel quite biologically secure with the thoughts of their two million mind clones surrounding them. It's bulletproof.

Heck, we don't HAVE to do anything! America's in terrible shape right now, and is taking its staggering steps towards death's door. We got people starving themselves to death (Isn't it AWESOME that we've managed to convince millions of teenage girls that being thin enough to fall through sewer grates is a FASHION??), eating hamburgers until their hearts suffocate and taking out themselves and classmates 'cause the girl from science lab turned them down. The government's "war" on drugs and the constant parental lock-down on alcohol is more than effective enough to convince kids that drining and shooting up is the sure-fire way to rebel and be 'cool'.
And thanks to television publicity, people will do ANYTHING. Reality shows like Fear Factor already convince 'em to eat shit (literally). Soon we'll have live-time death matches and EXTREME sports. But to take an active role, I'd suggest going out and castrating the top five 'Playuhs' in every high school. Their accidental children will never be born, and THOSE children won't have children ever 'cause they don't exist, and so forth.

The natural world handles population control on its own; disease, parasites, poisonous plants/animals, natural disasters, animal attacks, ect, ect.

Not to mention, people will always find some reason to kill each other, whether its greed, racism, religion, or something else.(people are morons )(p.s. yes, that includes you and me)

With advances being made in molecular technology (nano-techs next level), it'll soon be a piece of cake to engineer all sorts of controllable super viruses and new forms of life.

Heck, if they can perfect bio-machines that can enteract with living cells to repair damage, cleanse desease, and purge cancer . . . it wouldn't be too much of a step forward to exercise complete controll of the human reproductive systems and other problematic features. Fix it so that all males and females are both baron until they're old enough to handle the resposibility of child raising, and then either go with the License idea that CrashFu mentioned years ago where upon the licensed couples' reproductive systems will be started up via another nano/molecular serum/virus; or go with a preprogramed breeding cycle where certain human blood lines can only become fertile during certain times of the year (in heat as it were), and pregnancy can only be achieved if both parties (individuals) are "in season" at the same time.

Hell, a real clever scientist could slip a few specialized neural viruses to the dicks in charge and give them the either the ultimate labotamy or a royal reprogramming to burn out their sin ridden stupidity and make way for some serious productive thinking. Politicians tend to leave their common sense, rational reasoning, and moral fiber in the gutter when they finally make it to office . . . so use some artificial, and undetectible, methods to shove it all back into them with a ton of "encouragement" to put those pinheads back on the proper track . . . and if that still don't work, just fry 'em like eggs and go to work on the next batch of money slingin', promise pitchin', self-serving sacks of crap that try to run a country.

And that's just working on the human variable . . . the nightmares of nature that could be bred from such technology would have our numbers reined in a sickening hurry.

Nano-tech and Molecular Technologies at their highest point are the closest humanity will ever come to touching the power of God . . . and if Nature's fury and our own destructive stupidity can't get our race straightened out, then it's just gonna have to take something far more drastic and right the very make-up of our own existance.

False Ass-umtpion that we are anywhere near overpopulated on this planet. When we are wasting 75% of our food grown to spoilage or rot in the fields, we are nowhere near overpopulated on this planet.

Bottom line: Anyone who think that killing off a good number of humans is a good thing is an insane misanthropist who should be locked up in the nearest insane asylum before they cause harm to humanity.

what, The Screwfly Solution isn't working? may as well tell the one/two child policies, already in progress?

Answer: 2020.