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Shared lunchtime break had become a ritual between the feline Felicia and her rat co-worker Hamlin. With a more flexible job in the ZPD, Hamlin would often head out to where Felicia was doing parking duty that day, and the duo would find someplace new with interesting things to eat.
Today their search was a little more laboured because all the restaurants in the area had wait times. Still as the two walked, they made light conversation and discovered some parallel interests…
"Look, I’m just saying, there are two kinds of ‘the Superhero Arrival' in the culture.” Hamlin theorised. “You got ‘The Gradual Descent’ where the hero descends gently before touching down, like the alien hero Strange Visitor does. Then there's heroes like billionaire genius hero Power Suit, who rock ‘the Hard Landing’ where they make contact with the ground so hard even the audience feels it. When you get down to it BOTH are bold statements to witnesses present."
"All right. I’ll bite.” Felicia inquired, curious to where this geeky line of thought was going. “What's the difference between such grand entrances?"
"The Gradual Descent says 'I am a god, be in awe of me'.
The Hard Landing says 'I am a god, fear my wrath'."
"Huh. That makes a LOT of sense actually... Hey, wait.” She said as a thought struck her. “What about The Nocturnal? He doesn't do either of those. I mean he just appears there from the shadows. What does that mean?"
"It means 'I'm The Nocturnal. Better crap your pants now while you still got the working biology to do so'."
As she roared with laughter, Felicia had to admit that Hamlin had really loosened up in the month or two she had known him. Her first impression of the little brown rat was grumpy little paper-pusher, but he had since then displayed dedication, loyalty, compassion, a love of certain fandoms and a decent sense of humor. She couldn’t help but wonder what other depths he was hiding in that ratty little frame of his.
“So Hammy, any particular cravings today?” she probed, looking around at the mostly fashion-based businesses in the area. “I’m not seeing much variety and what there is looks like the five-buck-a-teeny-tiny-coffee kinds of restaurants.”
“Yeah. Maybe we should just hop into the jokemobile and find a cheaper district, Briggs.”
Felica weighed the options of wandering aimlessly on foot or doing the same in the little electric runabout given to officers on traffic duty when the voice of Captain London crackled over her radio.
“Attention all units in district 27. Repeat. Attention all units in district 27. Update on that 207-A. Victim has been found and safely recovered but suspects have eluded capture and are currently inside of District 27. Please be on the lookout.”
“District 27? That’s where we are.” She observed before thinking a little harder. “207-A… that would be… kidnapping? Right?”
“Got it in one. Because your schedule is set, you don’t usually go to the bullpen in the mornings. I’m usually up to date on it because I have to process the duty roster.” Hamlin said with a nod. “Some bigwig’s cub got lured away and a ransom was sent. Looks like London did his usual ham-fisted work and rescued the kid but lost the culprits in the shuffle.”
“At least the ‘safely’ part is reassuring.” she admitted before smirking mischievously. “Think we should offer him some help?”
“Well, we ARE in the area.” he chuckled. “Call it in. Let’s see how big his ego is today.”
She took the microphone in hand, cleared her throat and spoke oh-so sweetly into it.
“Captain London, this is officers Briggs and Hamlin. We were about to go on our lunch break but are currently in district 27. Do you wish for us to assist in canvassing the area? Over.”
“Negative, Briggs. We do not require ANY assistance from…” London replied sharply before stopping abruptly, his voice shifting to one dripping with treacle and malice. “Actually… on second thought, Briggs, would you and Hamlin head over to check the Mystic Spring Oasis? It’s an outside chance they might be in there but someone should check it out.”
“Copy that, London. Heading to the Mystic Spring Oasis.” Felicia took her thumb off of the microphone switch and turned to Hamlin. “All right. I’ll bite. What’s the Mystic Spring Oasis? Sounds familiar, I think I drove past it a few times on my shifts. Is it some super-high-priced restaurant that won’t let us in without a credit check?”
“Well…” Hamlin said evasively. “While there are facilities there for eating, it’s not so much a restaurant as a… social club of sorts.”
“Is that so? Will they hassle us for wanting to look around?”
“Nah. They're a decent bunch, we might stand out like sore thumbs in there though.”
“Well, police officers tend to do that anywhere. It’s the uniform.”
“Oh… you have NO idea.”
“Huh. You’re nudists.” Felicia stated matter-of-factly.
“Oh Yeah, definitely.” the shaggy Mister Yax agreed, “but we prefer the term, naturalists.”
“I thought that was a term used to describe people who specialise on the topic of Natural History.”
“Yeah well, nobody else was calling them that so y’know, we just started using it. They haven’t come in to complain yet.”
“Gee. I wonder why.”
“One of the great mysteries of life I guess.” Yax chortled before tapping a finger against the side of his chin. “Can’t say I saw anyone enter in the last little while… but to be honest I wasn’t here to greet people ALL the time.”
“Any chance you can clarify that, Yax?” asked Hamlin leaning against the incense burner.
“Well, you know. There’s the call of nature, lunch break, getting called into the accounting office to talk to old Banz’. Y’know, for a hyena he’s pretty serious over a matter of getting the decimal in the wrong place.”
“What about security cameras? Weren’t you guys planning an upgrade this month?”
“Sorry Hamlin, it’s a bummer but Felix said that when you upgrade stuff it means that same stuff has to be shut down.” Yax sighed and examined what looked like an invoice. “Figures it would be on the day you two needed it. Upper and downer aside, it looks like we only got two hours before you got camera coverage again.”
“Right...Well then. You won’t mind if we take a look around in an official capacity, do you?” Hamlin asked, hitching his pants up in a ‘professional’ manner.
“What? Oh sure. You two can go on in, Hamlin. Heh heh, wouldn’t be the first time we had a cop back there in full uniform.”
Felicia marveled at how the doors to the inner area opened with just a simple push, they didn’t have a visible lock either. It would have been easy for a couple of perps to sneak inside without any resistance. Of course if they ran in here without knowing what it was, people would notice. Yep, with all the unadorned bodies within, someone running about in full clothing would be attracting attention the same way she and Hamlin were.
Everywhere she glanced someone lazily looked up from what they were doing to watch the two cops as they walked through the frankly gorgeous courtyard of the Mystic Springs Oasis. The sun was bright, the foliage green and the mud pool chocolate brown.
Wait… mud pool?
She had to blink and then take a second glance at the large pool of mud that bubbled away while a group of pigs happily wallowed in it’s depths.
“Huh. Guess they cater to all kinds here.”
“Sure they do.” Hamlin said with a surprisingly wide smile. “It only makes sense to hedge your bets when attracting new clientele.”
“You can say that again. Just sometimes you forget what’s enjoyable depends on the species.” She gave a chuckle and resumed her search. “To each their own, I guess.”
“I gotta admit Felicia, you’re taking this whole ‘naturalist’ thing with greater… aplomb than most people I know.”
“Hey. Cats are notorious sun-worshippers. It’s not unusual for some to take basking in the sun to a whole new, and unclothed, level.” she pointed out as she watched the hippos frolic in the big pool. “Also, when you’ve seen your parents naked, the public nudity of total strangers is a lot less startling.”
“Oh. so they’re naturalists too. I can see your point of view on that now.”
“You know, it occurs to me that YOU are pretty comfortable here too. Not exactly what I would have thought of a cranky little guy who shuffles paper all day in the basement.” She observed. ”Also you knew the front desk guy by name, he knew yours and you even use the word ‘naturalists’ instead of nudists,” Felicia noted. “So tell me, Hammy. How often do you... frequent this establishment?”
“Hey Hamlin! Hiiiiiiiiii!” came a chorus of giggly high-pitched feminine voices.
Glancing over she noticed a group of female rats waving coyishly to her co-worker from their perch on a stump. He smiled and waved back without hesitation.
“Morning ladies. Sorry, can’t stop and chat. I’m on duty today.” he answered their siren call before speaking a little quieter. “About once a week. On the orders of the precinct’s shrink I had to take SOME form of anger management. I came for Nangi’s yoga instruction but I found that after a lifetime of living in a dark, dank, humid environment… just letting the sun get at your body is a rare pleasure.”
“And you seem to be quite the ladies man here.”
“Uh… yeah, there’s that too.”
Felecia chuckled and let the conversation drop, no sense in making her co-worker uncomfortable where he came to relax.
Every job comes with the hazard of changing how you see the world. In retail you become aware of who is browsing to kill time, browsing with intent to buy and actually shopping with purpose. If you’re a custodian you see all of the little clean-up jobs left unfinished or the repairs that need to be done. If you’re a cop, well... you wind up catching the things that stand out, the nervous people, the ones pretending to be casual but were not, the little tells that gave amateur criminals away.
And then sometimes it was something obvious as a drunken clog dancer at a ballet recital.
“One of these things is not like the other...” she sang softly under her breath.
“...One of these things just doesn’t belong.” continued her partner who chuckled. “Eight o’clock. Right?”
“Yep. Could they BE any more obvious?”
“Not much more they could do. I mean the guy with the ukulele hiding his shame did make a good choice for modesty camouflage but he looks like he’s ready to bolt if someone so much as says ‘Hello’ to him… His friend on the other hand…”
“Yeah.” chuckled Felicia. “Boxers in a nudist resort? Seriously? This guy really hasn’t a clue.”
“Exactly. The front desk usually gives out complimentary newspapers to shy newcomers. I guess Yax was right about someone sneaking in when he was away from his desk.”
“Well, we have a pair of suspicious individuals.” She said, as the officers quietly backed into the nearby bushes. “I’m calling it in.”
“Right.”
“Dispatch, this is officers Briggs and Hamlin. Over.”
“Briggs and Hamlin, this is Dispatch. We read you, over.” came Clawhauser’s cheery voice over the speaker.
“Dispatch, we’ve just checked out the Oasis on that 207-A, if we were looking for a Boar and a Meerkat I think we may have found them. Over.”
“WHAT?” cried Captain London, interrupting Clawhauser before he could respond. “You actually FOUND them in there?”
“Copy that Captain.” Felicia replied, flashing Hamlin a smug grin before continuing. “Your hunch in sending us To the Mystic Spring Oasis was... rather solid. How would you like us to proceed? Should we act now or standby and wait for backup?”
There was a long pause on the radio before London spoke again.
“We are moving into position to seal off the entrances as we speak, Briggs.” another pause before he spoke again. “If you can seperate the… civilians from the suspects, that would be ideal. Until then, only act if the situation deems it necessary. I hardly think they’ll be armed in there.”
“Copy. We’ll see what can be done. Over and out.” she exhaled and carefully peered out at the dozens of people in the courtyard. “Even unarmed they could give us a headache. Lots of hostage potential in here. Any ideas?”
“One.” he said definitively before pointing up at a phone on the wall. “Can I trouble you for a boost?”
“It would be my pleasure.”
She lifted him up to the phone and after pulling the receiver from it’s cradle he pushed the button marked “PUBLIC ADDRESS”. His voice came out of the speakers across the courtyard, sounding unusually charismatic and smooth which resulted in everyone’s heads rising up from what they were doing to listen.
“Good afternoon. The Mystic Springs Oasis would like to announce that today’s lunch will be served presently in the main dining hall. All card-carrying members are to head to the main dining hall for lunch. The dessert of the day is Teal Gelatin. I repeat, All card-carrying members are to head to the main dining hall for lunch. The dessert special of the day is TEAL Gelatin. Thank you.”
There was a subtle shift in the mood of the naturalists. The smiles were gone and they quickly but calmly stopped whatever they were doing and headed to the east exit. Most didn’t even pause to pick up whatever belongings they had, even the pigs neglected their towels, trailing mud to the exit. Briggs glanced at Hamlin who returned the receiver to it’s cradle.
“During that whole Nighthowler incident, a code word was decided on by the management to quietly inform the guests that something was not just amiss, but for them to stay calm and follow any instructions. In the end there were no ‘savage’ incidents in here, but they kept the protocall and everyone who is a member is informed of the importance of the word TEAL.”
“Huh. That’s pretty clever, and it worked. Our suspects over there are the only two left… and look totally lost.”
“Yep, and that leaves us with just the simple job to observe and report until London gets here.”
“I’m comfortable with that.” Felicia said before switching topics. “So, I was thinking I’m up for Savannah for lunch, how about you?”
“I’d be good with that. Wow, I haven’t had Savannah-style cooking in quite a while. Used to be this nice place over by the…”
Hamlin paused in mid-dialogue as the deep rhythmic sound of helicopter blades approaching filled the air. A moment later one of the ZPD’s helicopters crested the top of the Oasis’ walls, and blocked out the sun. The wind from the rotors caused all the plants in the courtyard to sway violently and the two perps looked like they were on the verge of panic.
“He’s not… He didn’t… Did London just bring in a chopper for air support?” Felicia gawked at the sight.
“Didn’t I mention the kidnapped kid was the son of someone very important?”
“Oh yeah… you DID mention that. My bad. So, guess this is London’s big chance to look like a big shot.”
“THIS IS THE ZPD! SURRENDER NOW, YOU HAVE NO PLACE TO RUN!”
“Subtle as a hemorrhoid.” Felicia muttered to herself as much as Hamlin.
A series of black ropes dropped from the chopper and moments later six heavily armed and armored figures slid down the lines. It was a magnificent sight that paralised the suspects in a state of awe up until the squad ran out of rope and sank up to their bellies in the mud pit.
It was such a comical sight to see London and his group of swat team members finding themselves bogged down in deep mud, going from “large and in charge” to “floundering and cussing” in mere moments. The spell on the Meerkat and Boar was broken and they started to run, looking for an exit. Felicia fixed her “serious face” in place and jogged up to the edge of the mud pit.
“Captain London, are you alright? You, uh need a rope or something?”
The wolf glared at her through the faceplate of his helmet before replying.
“Blast it, Briggs! ” he barked, angrily. ”Why aren’t you going after them?”
"I would, Captain, but the last thing I'd ever want to do is be accused of 'pulling a Judy'," Briggs said with saccharine sweetness as she leaned against a nearby palm tree. “A direct order keeps things nice and clear on the reports, you know.”
“FINE! Officers Briggs and Hamlin, as your superior officer I directly order you to get those two!”
“Yes SIR!” She said with an only slightly mocking salute before turning to pursue the duo. “Both are bigger than you, Hammy. Sure you can handle one of them?”
“I’ll take the boar you take the meerkat.” Hamiln stated before elaborating. “The big guy looks strong but slower.
She was impressed at how fast Hamlin was scampering along beside her. He had dropped to all fours for the sake of speed but still, not bad for a self-described desk-clerk. That didn’t stop multiple scenarios of how the confrontation could turn out from passing through her head. Academy training flashed before her eyes, classroom tactics and the practical physical training under Major Friedkin all reminding her how many ways she could die or get severely messed up.
They caught up to the duo in no time, it was really easy when the doors to the courtyard were locked. No doubt someone took the “Code Teal” to mean a lockdown once everyone was in the dining area. Lucky for the ZPD, not so lucky for the two thugs who struggled with the lock.
“Come on! Put yer back into it!” ordered the Meerkat
“Aw come on, Tyrone!” grunted the hog as he grabbed the rings and heaved as hard as he could. “I’m doing the best I can!”
“I swear, Boomba. Why do I always have to save your… AAAAH!”
There was something wonderful in the way ‘Tyrone’ screamed and flattened himself against his friend when he realised the cops were standing right behind them. This was one of the less likely responses the academy taught their cadets. A probable one, but fear could be an advantage or a hazard. They might give up easier… or they might fight you out of blind panic. Kid gloves were required here, she just hoped that Hamlin wouldn’t put too much swagger into this.
“Gentlemen.” Felicia said with a flat but not unfriendly tone. “All the doors are locked, the place is surrounded by cops and once they get out of the mud there is a small tactical force locked in here with you. Please come along quietly.”
From the expression on his face the big guy seemed willing to stand down but the way his eyes flicked to his partner said it all. The Hog did the heavy lifting and the Meerkat did the heavy thinking. At least from their own point of view. Tyrone would be terrible at poker because Felicia could read him like a book, and felt her body tense in preparation for what would happen next.
“It’s two against one and a half! Mess ‘em up Boomba!”
“And a HALF?” Hamlin retorted.
“You’re the boss, Tyrone.” Boomba replied before rushing at Hamlin. “Sorry… DIBS ON THE SMALL ONE! ”
“What? Wait! You were supposed to go after the… aw never mind.” Tyrone glared at his friend a moment before turning back to Felicia. “All right… not how I planned but I can handle an over glorified meter maid.”
“OVER GLORIFIED? Hardly. I’ll have you know I’m the best darn meter maid in this city, thank you very much.”
“Hold on a second. You really ARE a meter maid?”
“I am not sewn into the reflective vest you know.”
“Oh. That’s good. That means this is gonna be easy, especially when I pull THIS out!”
The Meerkat shoved his hand down the back of his boxer shorts and fished around for a moment. An action that caused Felicia to make a face and hold up her hands defensively.
“Ew! If you’re gonna start throwing fecal matter around I swear…”
“What? NO! No, no, no.” Tyrone stammered, displaying a switchblade and flicking the blade out. “Whadda think I am? A monkey? I just keep a knife back there for emergencies."
“Oh. Well then. That’s SLIGHTLY better.” Felicia sighed in relief before flicking her baton to it’s full length. “You’re in enough trouble as it is, but being a health hazard wouldn't help your case at all.”
Sunlight glinted off of the slim knifeblade as he moved it to the left and right threateningly. These were not the wild slashing motions of a nervous first-timer but the boxer-like, bobbing of someone who was serious and practiced with a knife regularly.
Felicia shifted into a defensive stance, the voice of Major Freidkin echoing in her ear. “Don’t just look at the knife, look at all of him! If you let him make you focus on one part of him, he’ll get the drop on you and you’ll be DEAD, cat-ballou!”.
She hated to admit when that polar bear was right, but well… she was. The two circled one another for a moment. A few quick feints, a reversal of direction, as well trading an experimental swing or two and Felicia was pretty sure that Tyrone could prove troublesome. True all she had to do was keep him busy until the SWAT Team was done making mud pies but Tyrone also knew this and might speed the process up. She then noticed something in her peripheral vision. A wooden sign in the ground under the trees written in a familiar handwriting simply stating “Caution. Coconut Season.”.
She took a quick assessment of her situation, both she and Tyrone were in the middle of a small number of coconut trees. She slowly backed up as close as she could to the trunk of one, Tyrone taking this as a retreat followed closely.
“You’re still gonna fight me, aren’t you, buddy?” She inquired.
“If I gotta go THROUGH you to get outta here, then fine. Won’t be the first cop I had to put the hurt on.”
“Oh… thanks for telling me that. It makes what’s happening next oh-so much easier for me.”
Felicia took a deep breath and threw all her weight into her hips, knocking her left side against the tree next to her. Despite her smaller sized frame the tree shook enough that it let go of it’s bounty of what qualified as hairy bowling balls down upon her and ‘Tyrone’. He had just enough time to look up and shriek in terror before multiple cocoanuts battered him into submission. She herself felt a heavy impact on top of her hat, knocking her off balance for a moment. Fortunately it was a little-known fact that meter maid hats, while fairly stylish, were made with some serious bracing so they could act like a helmet in a pinch.
In short, with a somewhat protected noggin she recovered faster than the nearly-nude meerkat and as he managed to haul his battered body to his feet, he found himself seized from behind and shoved against a nearby rock. The Ziptie cuffs were already putting his wrists together as he focused enough to spout off a few choice words.
“You can’t do this! I know my rights!”
“Good. Then you know you get a phone call and a clean cell to sit in.” Felicia said sternly before frisking his covered bits and finding a small baggie with some greenery in it. “What the fruit stand is this? Are you… carrying Catnip? Really?”
“Uh… That ain’t mine.”
“Actually according to the briefing they were using that stuff to keep the kid quiet.” Hamlin said from behind Felicia.
She turned enough to see the warthog flat on his belly, hands zip-tied behind his back and Hamlin standing between his shoulderblades striking a pose with what must have been the world’s smallest crossbow. ‘Boomba’ scowled and addressed his tiny conqueror.
“Tranq dart in mah butt? Really?”
“I believe this will be easier on you than having to tell people you got said butt handed to you by a rat.” Hamlin said with a chuckle before looking back at his partner. “I see you got yours all tied down. How did you get it done so quick?”
“Oh, just remembered something my brother Felix said recently about coconut trees in Zootopia getting really touchy during their ‘fruiting’ season and needing to put up signs where he works… wait… oh wow. I think my brother is the Felix the desk clerk mentioned.”
“What do you know. It’s a small world after all.”
It wasn’t long after that London and his team finally freed from the mud eagerly took the duo off of their hands and tried to take the public glory with the news crews out front. Something that Hamlin and Felicia were willing to let him do, knowing all too well that the official report would say otherwise.
They were more than happy to take advantage of Hamlin’s membership, and the gratitude of the Oasis’ owners to take their lunch break in the dining area (which fortunately had a rule stating that occupants should wear pants while dining).
“So…” Felicia asked, between spoonfuls of clam chowder. “Does Bogo know you carry a tranq-loaded crossbow?”
“Of course!… Uh, Somewhat?… Maybe?… well... He signed the paperwork so it’s all technically legal.”
“Hammy… one day you are gonna out-smart yourself. You know that?”
“What can I say? I’m a natural bureaucRAT.”
Illustration by the ever-talented Dutch https://www.furaffinity.net/user/dutch/
Walter Hamlin is my own Zootopia fan character and Felicia Briggs belongs to Werekitty http://www.furaffinity.net/user/werekitty39501/
Today their search was a little more laboured because all the restaurants in the area had wait times. Still as the two walked, they made light conversation and discovered some parallel interests…
"Look, I’m just saying, there are two kinds of ‘the Superhero Arrival' in the culture.” Hamlin theorised. “You got ‘The Gradual Descent’ where the hero descends gently before touching down, like the alien hero Strange Visitor does. Then there's heroes like billionaire genius hero Power Suit, who rock ‘the Hard Landing’ where they make contact with the ground so hard even the audience feels it. When you get down to it BOTH are bold statements to witnesses present."
"All right. I’ll bite.” Felicia inquired, curious to where this geeky line of thought was going. “What's the difference between such grand entrances?"
"The Gradual Descent says 'I am a god, be in awe of me'.
The Hard Landing says 'I am a god, fear my wrath'."
"Huh. That makes a LOT of sense actually... Hey, wait.” She said as a thought struck her. “What about The Nocturnal? He doesn't do either of those. I mean he just appears there from the shadows. What does that mean?"
"It means 'I'm The Nocturnal. Better crap your pants now while you still got the working biology to do so'."
As she roared with laughter, Felicia had to admit that Hamlin had really loosened up in the month or two she had known him. Her first impression of the little brown rat was grumpy little paper-pusher, but he had since then displayed dedication, loyalty, compassion, a love of certain fandoms and a decent sense of humor. She couldn’t help but wonder what other depths he was hiding in that ratty little frame of his.
“So Hammy, any particular cravings today?” she probed, looking around at the mostly fashion-based businesses in the area. “I’m not seeing much variety and what there is looks like the five-buck-a-teeny-tiny-coffee kinds of restaurants.”
“Yeah. Maybe we should just hop into the jokemobile and find a cheaper district, Briggs.”
Felica weighed the options of wandering aimlessly on foot or doing the same in the little electric runabout given to officers on traffic duty when the voice of Captain London crackled over her radio.
“Attention all units in district 27. Repeat. Attention all units in district 27. Update on that 207-A. Victim has been found and safely recovered but suspects have eluded capture and are currently inside of District 27. Please be on the lookout.”
“District 27? That’s where we are.” She observed before thinking a little harder. “207-A… that would be… kidnapping? Right?”
“Got it in one. Because your schedule is set, you don’t usually go to the bullpen in the mornings. I’m usually up to date on it because I have to process the duty roster.” Hamlin said with a nod. “Some bigwig’s cub got lured away and a ransom was sent. Looks like London did his usual ham-fisted work and rescued the kid but lost the culprits in the shuffle.”
“At least the ‘safely’ part is reassuring.” she admitted before smirking mischievously. “Think we should offer him some help?”
“Well, we ARE in the area.” he chuckled. “Call it in. Let’s see how big his ego is today.”
She took the microphone in hand, cleared her throat and spoke oh-so sweetly into it.
“Captain London, this is officers Briggs and Hamlin. We were about to go on our lunch break but are currently in district 27. Do you wish for us to assist in canvassing the area? Over.”
“Negative, Briggs. We do not require ANY assistance from…” London replied sharply before stopping abruptly, his voice shifting to one dripping with treacle and malice. “Actually… on second thought, Briggs, would you and Hamlin head over to check the Mystic Spring Oasis? It’s an outside chance they might be in there but someone should check it out.”
“Copy that, London. Heading to the Mystic Spring Oasis.” Felicia took her thumb off of the microphone switch and turned to Hamlin. “All right. I’ll bite. What’s the Mystic Spring Oasis? Sounds familiar, I think I drove past it a few times on my shifts. Is it some super-high-priced restaurant that won’t let us in without a credit check?”
“Well…” Hamlin said evasively. “While there are facilities there for eating, it’s not so much a restaurant as a… social club of sorts.”
“Is that so? Will they hassle us for wanting to look around?”
“Nah. They're a decent bunch, we might stand out like sore thumbs in there though.”
“Well, police officers tend to do that anywhere. It’s the uniform.”
“Oh… you have NO idea.”
“Huh. You’re nudists.” Felicia stated matter-of-factly.
“Oh Yeah, definitely.” the shaggy Mister Yax agreed, “but we prefer the term, naturalists.”
“I thought that was a term used to describe people who specialise on the topic of Natural History.”
“Yeah well, nobody else was calling them that so y’know, we just started using it. They haven’t come in to complain yet.”
“Gee. I wonder why.”
“One of the great mysteries of life I guess.” Yax chortled before tapping a finger against the side of his chin. “Can’t say I saw anyone enter in the last little while… but to be honest I wasn’t here to greet people ALL the time.”
“Any chance you can clarify that, Yax?” asked Hamlin leaning against the incense burner.
“Well, you know. There’s the call of nature, lunch break, getting called into the accounting office to talk to old Banz’. Y’know, for a hyena he’s pretty serious over a matter of getting the decimal in the wrong place.”
“What about security cameras? Weren’t you guys planning an upgrade this month?”
“Sorry Hamlin, it’s a bummer but Felix said that when you upgrade stuff it means that same stuff has to be shut down.” Yax sighed and examined what looked like an invoice. “Figures it would be on the day you two needed it. Upper and downer aside, it looks like we only got two hours before you got camera coverage again.”
“Right...Well then. You won’t mind if we take a look around in an official capacity, do you?” Hamlin asked, hitching his pants up in a ‘professional’ manner.
“What? Oh sure. You two can go on in, Hamlin. Heh heh, wouldn’t be the first time we had a cop back there in full uniform.”
Felicia marveled at how the doors to the inner area opened with just a simple push, they didn’t have a visible lock either. It would have been easy for a couple of perps to sneak inside without any resistance. Of course if they ran in here without knowing what it was, people would notice. Yep, with all the unadorned bodies within, someone running about in full clothing would be attracting attention the same way she and Hamlin were.
Everywhere she glanced someone lazily looked up from what they were doing to watch the two cops as they walked through the frankly gorgeous courtyard of the Mystic Springs Oasis. The sun was bright, the foliage green and the mud pool chocolate brown.
Wait… mud pool?
She had to blink and then take a second glance at the large pool of mud that bubbled away while a group of pigs happily wallowed in it’s depths.
“Huh. Guess they cater to all kinds here.”
“Sure they do.” Hamlin said with a surprisingly wide smile. “It only makes sense to hedge your bets when attracting new clientele.”
“You can say that again. Just sometimes you forget what’s enjoyable depends on the species.” She gave a chuckle and resumed her search. “To each their own, I guess.”
“I gotta admit Felicia, you’re taking this whole ‘naturalist’ thing with greater… aplomb than most people I know.”
“Hey. Cats are notorious sun-worshippers. It’s not unusual for some to take basking in the sun to a whole new, and unclothed, level.” she pointed out as she watched the hippos frolic in the big pool. “Also, when you’ve seen your parents naked, the public nudity of total strangers is a lot less startling.”
“Oh. so they’re naturalists too. I can see your point of view on that now.”
“You know, it occurs to me that YOU are pretty comfortable here too. Not exactly what I would have thought of a cranky little guy who shuffles paper all day in the basement.” She observed. ”Also you knew the front desk guy by name, he knew yours and you even use the word ‘naturalists’ instead of nudists,” Felicia noted. “So tell me, Hammy. How often do you... frequent this establishment?”
“Hey Hamlin! Hiiiiiiiiii!” came a chorus of giggly high-pitched feminine voices.
Glancing over she noticed a group of female rats waving coyishly to her co-worker from their perch on a stump. He smiled and waved back without hesitation.
“Morning ladies. Sorry, can’t stop and chat. I’m on duty today.” he answered their siren call before speaking a little quieter. “About once a week. On the orders of the precinct’s shrink I had to take SOME form of anger management. I came for Nangi’s yoga instruction but I found that after a lifetime of living in a dark, dank, humid environment… just letting the sun get at your body is a rare pleasure.”
“And you seem to be quite the ladies man here.”
“Uh… yeah, there’s that too.”
Felecia chuckled and let the conversation drop, no sense in making her co-worker uncomfortable where he came to relax.
Every job comes with the hazard of changing how you see the world. In retail you become aware of who is browsing to kill time, browsing with intent to buy and actually shopping with purpose. If you’re a custodian you see all of the little clean-up jobs left unfinished or the repairs that need to be done. If you’re a cop, well... you wind up catching the things that stand out, the nervous people, the ones pretending to be casual but were not, the little tells that gave amateur criminals away.
And then sometimes it was something obvious as a drunken clog dancer at a ballet recital.
“One of these things is not like the other...” she sang softly under her breath.
“...One of these things just doesn’t belong.” continued her partner who chuckled. “Eight o’clock. Right?”
“Yep. Could they BE any more obvious?”
“Not much more they could do. I mean the guy with the ukulele hiding his shame did make a good choice for modesty camouflage but he looks like he’s ready to bolt if someone so much as says ‘Hello’ to him… His friend on the other hand…”
“Yeah.” chuckled Felicia. “Boxers in a nudist resort? Seriously? This guy really hasn’t a clue.”
“Exactly. The front desk usually gives out complimentary newspapers to shy newcomers. I guess Yax was right about someone sneaking in when he was away from his desk.”
“Well, we have a pair of suspicious individuals.” She said, as the officers quietly backed into the nearby bushes. “I’m calling it in.”
“Right.”
“Dispatch, this is officers Briggs and Hamlin. Over.”
“Briggs and Hamlin, this is Dispatch. We read you, over.” came Clawhauser’s cheery voice over the speaker.
“Dispatch, we’ve just checked out the Oasis on that 207-A, if we were looking for a Boar and a Meerkat I think we may have found them. Over.”
“WHAT?” cried Captain London, interrupting Clawhauser before he could respond. “You actually FOUND them in there?”
“Copy that Captain.” Felicia replied, flashing Hamlin a smug grin before continuing. “Your hunch in sending us To the Mystic Spring Oasis was... rather solid. How would you like us to proceed? Should we act now or standby and wait for backup?”
There was a long pause on the radio before London spoke again.
“We are moving into position to seal off the entrances as we speak, Briggs.” another pause before he spoke again. “If you can seperate the… civilians from the suspects, that would be ideal. Until then, only act if the situation deems it necessary. I hardly think they’ll be armed in there.”
“Copy. We’ll see what can be done. Over and out.” she exhaled and carefully peered out at the dozens of people in the courtyard. “Even unarmed they could give us a headache. Lots of hostage potential in here. Any ideas?”
“One.” he said definitively before pointing up at a phone on the wall. “Can I trouble you for a boost?”
“It would be my pleasure.”
She lifted him up to the phone and after pulling the receiver from it’s cradle he pushed the button marked “PUBLIC ADDRESS”. His voice came out of the speakers across the courtyard, sounding unusually charismatic and smooth which resulted in everyone’s heads rising up from what they were doing to listen.
“Good afternoon. The Mystic Springs Oasis would like to announce that today’s lunch will be served presently in the main dining hall. All card-carrying members are to head to the main dining hall for lunch. The dessert of the day is Teal Gelatin. I repeat, All card-carrying members are to head to the main dining hall for lunch. The dessert special of the day is TEAL Gelatin. Thank you.”
There was a subtle shift in the mood of the naturalists. The smiles were gone and they quickly but calmly stopped whatever they were doing and headed to the east exit. Most didn’t even pause to pick up whatever belongings they had, even the pigs neglected their towels, trailing mud to the exit. Briggs glanced at Hamlin who returned the receiver to it’s cradle.
“During that whole Nighthowler incident, a code word was decided on by the management to quietly inform the guests that something was not just amiss, but for them to stay calm and follow any instructions. In the end there were no ‘savage’ incidents in here, but they kept the protocall and everyone who is a member is informed of the importance of the word TEAL.”
“Huh. That’s pretty clever, and it worked. Our suspects over there are the only two left… and look totally lost.”
“Yep, and that leaves us with just the simple job to observe and report until London gets here.”
“I’m comfortable with that.” Felicia said before switching topics. “So, I was thinking I’m up for Savannah for lunch, how about you?”
“I’d be good with that. Wow, I haven’t had Savannah-style cooking in quite a while. Used to be this nice place over by the…”
Hamlin paused in mid-dialogue as the deep rhythmic sound of helicopter blades approaching filled the air. A moment later one of the ZPD’s helicopters crested the top of the Oasis’ walls, and blocked out the sun. The wind from the rotors caused all the plants in the courtyard to sway violently and the two perps looked like they were on the verge of panic.
“He’s not… He didn’t… Did London just bring in a chopper for air support?” Felicia gawked at the sight.
“Didn’t I mention the kidnapped kid was the son of someone very important?”
“Oh yeah… you DID mention that. My bad. So, guess this is London’s big chance to look like a big shot.”
“THIS IS THE ZPD! SURRENDER NOW, YOU HAVE NO PLACE TO RUN!”
“Subtle as a hemorrhoid.” Felicia muttered to herself as much as Hamlin.
A series of black ropes dropped from the chopper and moments later six heavily armed and armored figures slid down the lines. It was a magnificent sight that paralised the suspects in a state of awe up until the squad ran out of rope and sank up to their bellies in the mud pit.
It was such a comical sight to see London and his group of swat team members finding themselves bogged down in deep mud, going from “large and in charge” to “floundering and cussing” in mere moments. The spell on the Meerkat and Boar was broken and they started to run, looking for an exit. Felicia fixed her “serious face” in place and jogged up to the edge of the mud pit.
“Captain London, are you alright? You, uh need a rope or something?”
The wolf glared at her through the faceplate of his helmet before replying.
“Blast it, Briggs! ” he barked, angrily. ”Why aren’t you going after them?”
"I would, Captain, but the last thing I'd ever want to do is be accused of 'pulling a Judy'," Briggs said with saccharine sweetness as she leaned against a nearby palm tree. “A direct order keeps things nice and clear on the reports, you know.”
“FINE! Officers Briggs and Hamlin, as your superior officer I directly order you to get those two!”
“Yes SIR!” She said with an only slightly mocking salute before turning to pursue the duo. “Both are bigger than you, Hammy. Sure you can handle one of them?”
“I’ll take the boar you take the meerkat.” Hamiln stated before elaborating. “The big guy looks strong but slower.
She was impressed at how fast Hamlin was scampering along beside her. He had dropped to all fours for the sake of speed but still, not bad for a self-described desk-clerk. That didn’t stop multiple scenarios of how the confrontation could turn out from passing through her head. Academy training flashed before her eyes, classroom tactics and the practical physical training under Major Friedkin all reminding her how many ways she could die or get severely messed up.
They caught up to the duo in no time, it was really easy when the doors to the courtyard were locked. No doubt someone took the “Code Teal” to mean a lockdown once everyone was in the dining area. Lucky for the ZPD, not so lucky for the two thugs who struggled with the lock.
“Come on! Put yer back into it!” ordered the Meerkat
“Aw come on, Tyrone!” grunted the hog as he grabbed the rings and heaved as hard as he could. “I’m doing the best I can!”
“I swear, Boomba. Why do I always have to save your… AAAAH!”
There was something wonderful in the way ‘Tyrone’ screamed and flattened himself against his friend when he realised the cops were standing right behind them. This was one of the less likely responses the academy taught their cadets. A probable one, but fear could be an advantage or a hazard. They might give up easier… or they might fight you out of blind panic. Kid gloves were required here, she just hoped that Hamlin wouldn’t put too much swagger into this.
“Gentlemen.” Felicia said with a flat but not unfriendly tone. “All the doors are locked, the place is surrounded by cops and once they get out of the mud there is a small tactical force locked in here with you. Please come along quietly.”
From the expression on his face the big guy seemed willing to stand down but the way his eyes flicked to his partner said it all. The Hog did the heavy lifting and the Meerkat did the heavy thinking. At least from their own point of view. Tyrone would be terrible at poker because Felicia could read him like a book, and felt her body tense in preparation for what would happen next.
“It’s two against one and a half! Mess ‘em up Boomba!”
“And a HALF?” Hamlin retorted.
“You’re the boss, Tyrone.” Boomba replied before rushing at Hamlin. “Sorry… DIBS ON THE SMALL ONE! ”
“What? Wait! You were supposed to go after the… aw never mind.” Tyrone glared at his friend a moment before turning back to Felicia. “All right… not how I planned but I can handle an over glorified meter maid.”
“OVER GLORIFIED? Hardly. I’ll have you know I’m the best darn meter maid in this city, thank you very much.”
“Hold on a second. You really ARE a meter maid?”
“I am not sewn into the reflective vest you know.”
“Oh. That’s good. That means this is gonna be easy, especially when I pull THIS out!”
The Meerkat shoved his hand down the back of his boxer shorts and fished around for a moment. An action that caused Felicia to make a face and hold up her hands defensively.
“Ew! If you’re gonna start throwing fecal matter around I swear…”
“What? NO! No, no, no.” Tyrone stammered, displaying a switchblade and flicking the blade out. “Whadda think I am? A monkey? I just keep a knife back there for emergencies."
“Oh. Well then. That’s SLIGHTLY better.” Felicia sighed in relief before flicking her baton to it’s full length. “You’re in enough trouble as it is, but being a health hazard wouldn't help your case at all.”
Sunlight glinted off of the slim knifeblade as he moved it to the left and right threateningly. These were not the wild slashing motions of a nervous first-timer but the boxer-like, bobbing of someone who was serious and practiced with a knife regularly.
Felicia shifted into a defensive stance, the voice of Major Freidkin echoing in her ear. “Don’t just look at the knife, look at all of him! If you let him make you focus on one part of him, he’ll get the drop on you and you’ll be DEAD, cat-ballou!”.
She hated to admit when that polar bear was right, but well… she was. The two circled one another for a moment. A few quick feints, a reversal of direction, as well trading an experimental swing or two and Felicia was pretty sure that Tyrone could prove troublesome. True all she had to do was keep him busy until the SWAT Team was done making mud pies but Tyrone also knew this and might speed the process up. She then noticed something in her peripheral vision. A wooden sign in the ground under the trees written in a familiar handwriting simply stating “Caution. Coconut Season.”.
She took a quick assessment of her situation, both she and Tyrone were in the middle of a small number of coconut trees. She slowly backed up as close as she could to the trunk of one, Tyrone taking this as a retreat followed closely.
“You’re still gonna fight me, aren’t you, buddy?” She inquired.
“If I gotta go THROUGH you to get outta here, then fine. Won’t be the first cop I had to put the hurt on.”
“Oh… thanks for telling me that. It makes what’s happening next oh-so much easier for me.”
Felicia took a deep breath and threw all her weight into her hips, knocking her left side against the tree next to her. Despite her smaller sized frame the tree shook enough that it let go of it’s bounty of what qualified as hairy bowling balls down upon her and ‘Tyrone’. He had just enough time to look up and shriek in terror before multiple cocoanuts battered him into submission. She herself felt a heavy impact on top of her hat, knocking her off balance for a moment. Fortunately it was a little-known fact that meter maid hats, while fairly stylish, were made with some serious bracing so they could act like a helmet in a pinch.
In short, with a somewhat protected noggin she recovered faster than the nearly-nude meerkat and as he managed to haul his battered body to his feet, he found himself seized from behind and shoved against a nearby rock. The Ziptie cuffs were already putting his wrists together as he focused enough to spout off a few choice words.
“You can’t do this! I know my rights!”
“Good. Then you know you get a phone call and a clean cell to sit in.” Felicia said sternly before frisking his covered bits and finding a small baggie with some greenery in it. “What the fruit stand is this? Are you… carrying Catnip? Really?”
“Uh… That ain’t mine.”
“Actually according to the briefing they were using that stuff to keep the kid quiet.” Hamlin said from behind Felicia.
She turned enough to see the warthog flat on his belly, hands zip-tied behind his back and Hamlin standing between his shoulderblades striking a pose with what must have been the world’s smallest crossbow. ‘Boomba’ scowled and addressed his tiny conqueror.
“Tranq dart in mah butt? Really?”
“I believe this will be easier on you than having to tell people you got said butt handed to you by a rat.” Hamlin said with a chuckle before looking back at his partner. “I see you got yours all tied down. How did you get it done so quick?”
“Oh, just remembered something my brother Felix said recently about coconut trees in Zootopia getting really touchy during their ‘fruiting’ season and needing to put up signs where he works… wait… oh wow. I think my brother is the Felix the desk clerk mentioned.”
“What do you know. It’s a small world after all.”
It wasn’t long after that London and his team finally freed from the mud eagerly took the duo off of their hands and tried to take the public glory with the news crews out front. Something that Hamlin and Felicia were willing to let him do, knowing all too well that the official report would say otherwise.
They were more than happy to take advantage of Hamlin’s membership, and the gratitude of the Oasis’ owners to take their lunch break in the dining area (which fortunately had a rule stating that occupants should wear pants while dining).
“So…” Felicia asked, between spoonfuls of clam chowder. “Does Bogo know you carry a tranq-loaded crossbow?”
“Of course!… Uh, Somewhat?… Maybe?… well... He signed the paperwork so it’s all technically legal.”
“Hammy… one day you are gonna out-smart yourself. You know that?”
“What can I say? I’m a natural bureaucRAT.”
Illustration by the ever-talented Dutch https://www.furaffinity.net/user/dutch/
Walter Hamlin is my own Zootopia fan character and Felicia Briggs belongs to Werekitty http://www.furaffinity.net/user/werekitty39501/
Category Artwork (Digital) / Fanart
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 1280 x 788px
File Size 177.3 kB
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