"Kermit, we have to *OINK* TALK!"



"Can't it WAIT, Hon? It's the fourth quarter, and the Knicks are only down by THREE!"



"No it CAN'T, Dear! You haven't *OINK* worked outside the house in YEARS, but you never *OINK* help me keep it CLEAN! If you'll pardon the expression, it *OINK* looks like a STY in here!"



"Well you should feel right at HOME, then, shouldn't you Dear!"



"THAT'S NOT *OINK* FAIR! I do my *OINK*ing BEST to keep this dump CLEAN! YOU try working a VACUUM CLEANER with FOUR TROTTERS and a *OINK* SNOUT!"



"Is that why YOU look like FIVE MILES of BAD ROAD all the time these days? I mean, what's with the CURLERS? YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE HAIR!!"



"Well *OINK* PARDON ME for trying to look *OINK* NICE for you!"



"Baby, THAT SHIP has SAILED! You're the SLOPPIEST, FATTEST sow on God's green earth! What the #$!! HAPPENED to you!?



"YOU try having *OINK* EIGHT LITTERS of PIGLETS and *OINK* see what it does to YOUR body! It's not *OINK* like YOU'RE any prize YOURSELF *OINK* these days!"



"WREEEET! WREEEET! WREEEET!



"DAMMIT, Dear! Can't you keep those KIDS quiet!?"



"AGAIN! Why is that *OINK* only MY job? You've had *OINK* TEN YEARS to learn PIGGISH! YOU yell at them!"



"I'm SORRY, Dear! I just can't get the hang of the PAST PARTICIPLES! And don't get me STARTED on the DATIVE CASE!"



"I'll *OINK* give YOU a *OINK* DATIVE CASE! You just have to yell 'OINK OINK SQUEEE SQUEE GRUNT!'"



"WONK WUNK SLEE SLEE MUNK!"



"That was *OINK*ing TERRIBLE! You weren't even *OINK* TRYING!"



"Sorry, Dear. Those UMLAUTS throw me!"



"There ARE no *OINK* UMLAUTS in PIGGISH, smartass! You know, we *OINK* need a BREAK! I'm *OINK* going home to MOTHER!"



"We had your mother here last EASTER, remember? She was DELICIOUS!"



"That was *OINK* HURTFUL! You know VERY WELL my *OINK* mother is HUMAN!"



"I've MET her, remember? I'd say the jury is still OUT!"



"That DOES IT, A**hole, it's *OINK* GO TIME! WREEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!"



"OUCH! Get OFF ME you FAT SOW!



"Oh YOU *OINK* LOVE IT! YOU'RE the one who *OINK* always wanted me FAT! Well you *OINK* GOT YOUR WISH!"



"MRGGGLE! MRGGGLE!"



"WHAT did you *OINK* say?"



"(GASP! PANT! PANT!) UNCLE! UNCLE!"



"OKAY! Now are you *OINK* going to be NICE, or do I have to *OINK* STAY HERE on TOP of you?"



"Ummm… well… Dear… I'll be NICE… b-but if it's all the same to YOU… you can STAY where you ARE…"



"*OINK* WHAT!?"



"It… it feels kind of NICE under here… actually… sorta WARM and SAFE… and… Dear?"



"*OINK* what, Honey?"



"After all these years, y-you still SMELL wonderful! It… reminds me of the nights we snuck around the BARN…"



"I still don't know *OINK* why you thought we had *OINK* to SNEAK? You guys were ALL *OINK* nailing the PIGS!"



"Yeah… but I was the only guy whose PIG picked HIM out!"



"Tee-hee! Yeah, I DID *OINK* kind of THROW myself at you, *OINK* didn't I?"



"You WEREN'T subtle… THAT'S for sure! Anymore than you were just now!"



"Do you MIND, Hon? *SNUFFLE SNUFFLE SNUFFLE*"



"Sigh… You know I wouldn't have you ANY OTHER WAY, Dear…"



" *OINK* I… I KNOW it's only *OINK* two in the *OINK* afternoon, Hon, but…"



"I don't KNOW, Dear. Every time we go AT it, the neighbors all complain about the SQUEALING and SNORTING and OINKING…"



"Yeah… and *OINK* I can be pretty loud TOO!" WREEEEEEEET!"

But... Dear... right in front of the KIDS??"

"*SNORT* Ahhh... they'll be *OINK* SAUSAGE in six months. Let 'em WATCH!"

"Baby... you're the GREATEST!"



One thing you can say about those two, they know how to keep it interesting...