So if anyone cares to know a little story about way I stop drawing and a bad relationship lol...




I haven't really drawn a lot in past 10 year cuz of a very toxic relationship that lasted way too long... And I lost who I was, trying to please and change my self constantly for the other. I was treated like complete garbage, that for a wile were called jokes to "get me riled up" cuz he thought was funny and I shouldn't take it serious. It wasn't funny it was just teasing and bullying for 9 years that got worse and worse till he constantly called me service wench / b**ch or w**re... Only.

Oh and throw in an long term affaire before we were even 20 and asking me if he could have 3 way relationship when I found out... would be something to consider (cuz I'm an open person) but not after years of having another serious girl friend behind my back...

But after I continued to stay with him cuz really stilled loved him and I wanted to make it work some how. And seemed like he really ended the relationship with the other girl as she got married and had a baby with another guy some time there after.

Oh but he was hiding something.

Come to find out he been chilling regularly with this really hot chick for 4 years! (We 25 now)... tbh I didn't even want to "know know" if that was necessarily a more than close friends situation but frick 4 years you hiding a "friend" that's a girl...

Note: he did show me his messages the last day (briefly on my part as I learn young you can't un see)... The hundreds of them... But seem very friendly and joking a lot but no obvious flirting...

Idk either way he was lying to me again but that just shattered those rose colored glasses... all the pitty I built for him and the pressure I put on my self to try to make him happy lifted and I finally left him high and dry confidently with not a text or explanation or whatever for over a year since March! Yay me.

Oh it was bit daunting at first as I feared leaving him and being alone a lot in our relationship history. Also why I think I forced my self to love him over and over again... but I found out quickly how amazing my life was going to be.

I discovered who I am over this past year and I really truly loving my self again, becoming independent and not fearful. I do lots of things I thought I could never do by my self. And omg quit smoking too!

So to right now at this point of my life!!

I'm going to draw again hopefully like I use too, every day for hours basically. I'll go with out stressing my self out but I really like to try and draw at least one sketch/ drawing a day.

I miss that feeling I would get seeing my mind's image on paper. I know I can do it. I tottaly need more practice and there's lots of room for improvement but damn I draw decent for a decade of an old unused machine.

Most of all though...

Coming to realise...

Deep down inside...








IM A FURRY. I JUST LOVE OTHER FURRIES AND EVERYTHING TO DO WITH FURRIES!! OwO OwO UwU.

I'm like 15 all over again and been best past few weeks. Can't wait till furry conventions come back and I'm saving for making my own fur suit! Living the furry life as a artist feels so right like it use to before I felt shame from being called a freak in my ex's opinion.

I was last part of this fandom in 2010 and I'm so thankful to be living in a time were furry acceptances have exploded. How many avenues furry is expressed and how much content there is on every accpect it seems.

Also young furs and how active they are in the community. Seeing them financially supporting their favorite artist and fursuit makers. Seeing how many young furs have fursuits make me so joyful. One way or another I see it as more furries = better and also more monies into the fandom.

And no need to mention how nice everyone is... Everyone!!

I'm excited to be part of future of being a furry artist and fursuiter. Let's see where we go!


Now Nivvex is me a dragon/ fox. Still in development.