"MORNING, Sugar! Whoa… look *OINK* at that FACE! Penny for your thoughts?"

"This… this was… WEIRD!"

"I'm sure it WAS! It was weird for me TOO! First time I've *SNORT* been with a MAN since my… *OINK* procedure..."

"I'm sorry…"

"DON'T be! I've had plenty of chances with the *OINK* yahoos around here, but I had NO INTEREST! Now YOU…on the other hand…*SNUFFLE SNUFFLE SNUFFLE!"

"STOP! That TICKLES!"

"Now THERE'S a smile! MUCH *OINK* better! Sooooo…. granted it was WEIRD… was it *SNORT* BAD?"

"Ummmmm… no. Not at ALL! I think that's what's so WEIRD!"

"It sure didn't SOUND so bad for you *GRUNT* last NIGHT! No, it sounded like we *OINK* BOTH had a MARVELOUS time!"

"OKAY! I had a GREAT time! Thank you!"

"Oh, don't thank ME, Sugar! The pleasure *OINK* was ALL MINE! And do you *SNORT* wanna know WHY? YOU are hands-down the NICEST guy I ever MET! No man *OINK* EVER treated me HALF as nice as you when I was HUMAN, for *OINK* sake! You *SNORT* treated this SOW like a LADY! I asked you to bring back FRESH donuts and coffee, and you DID! You *OINK* thought to bring us back PILLOWS, which I NEVER asked for! And you know *OINK* what else you did that blew me the *OINK* AWAY?"

"What?"

"You *SNUFFLE* KISSED me and told me I'm PRETTY! YOU *OINK* KISSED... me... and... TOLD... me... I'M... PRETTY! Woman or *OINK* sow, no man EVER *SNORT* did that for me before!"

"Well… you ARE pretty…"

"YOU'RE *SNUFFLE* still SAYING IT! The morning after, and *SNUFFLE* you're STILL SAYING IT! To a PIG!"

"Well… YEAH!"

"You *OINK* LISTENED to me! You *SNUFFLE* COMPLIMENTED me! You STAYED ALL NIGHT and *OINK* CUDDLED with ME! You can't *OINK* NOT be a *OINK* GENTLEMAN even when you're lying in STRAW *OINK* with a PIG! Where the *OINK* have you BEEN all my life, Sugar?!"

"I dunno… just around…"

"I know ONE thing! Your WIFE is *OINK* ONE LUCKY WOMAN!"

"I… I'm not married…"

"Ohhhhh… THAT would explain *OINK* why no *OINK* wedding ring. Means *OINK* NOTHING these days. Well then, your *SNORT* GIRLFRIEND, then…"

"I'm BETWEEN girlfriends right now…"

"NO GIRLFRIEND! A *OINK* PRIZE like YOU?! WHY the *OINK* NOT?!"

"It's… it's kind of… personal…"

"Oh, Sugar… you can tell ME! I'm a PIG for *OINK* sake! Who am I *OINK* gonna blab to?"

"Well…"

"Come ON, Sugar! It's OKAY! *OINK* Tell Mama…"

"Well, I've dated a lot over the years…"

"Dated a lot… *OINK* THAT'S good. Nothing *GRUNT* worked OUT?"

"No. I guess I have PARTICULAR tastes… I mean, no girl I ever met was SHORT enough, STOCKY enough, FIRM enough… or… or…"

"Go ON, Sugar. We're *OINK* making progress! Don't *OINK* stop NOW…"

"OKAY! MUSKY enough! I SAID it! And YOU'VE got all that in SPADES! Sorry if I OFFENDED you!"

"*OINK* No offense TAKEN, Sugar! I'm *OINK* SUPPOSED to smell like a pig. I AM a pig! But, I gotta *OINK* say… you're the first man to ever make it sound *OINK* like a COMPLIMENT!"

"I KNOW it's WEIRD! But I LOVE your SMELL! To me, it's like CHANEL #5!"

"Oh… SUGAR! You might not *OINK* have had a girlfriend when you *OINK* walked IN here, but *OINK* you've got one NOW! Now KISS me AGAIN and *OINK* tell me I'm PRETTY!"

"I can't DO that."

"*OINK* W... why NOT?!"

"Because… you're NOT pretty… you're BEAUTIFUL!"

"B…B… BEAUTIFUL?! MEEEEE!? OMIGOD….WREEEEEEEEEEEEEEET! WREEEEEEEEEEEEEET! My GOODNESS! Come HERE Little Boy, and let Mama *OINK* DEVOUR YOU!"

"Okay… sounds good to mmmm… glub… glub… glub… slurrrppp…"

TO BE CONTINUED?