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PLEASE DOWNLOAD. It doesn't take a second and I think it's a good read so far? I need critique!!!!! You will never see me use that many exclamation marks ever again btw...
I IS WRITING A WRITE 8D
I haven't worked on this since last year and right now I have artist's block, but I'm hoping to continue it soon. xP
Writing & charatcers (C) me
I IS WRITING A WRITE 8D
I haven't worked on this since last year and right now I have artist's block, but I'm hoping to continue it soon. xP
Writing & charatcers (C) me
Category Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 68px
File Size 15.3 kB
I Glanced through you chapter and the first thing that hit me was the vibes of a movie Called "crash"(i hope you dont take my allusion badly) If youve ever seen it, its a few diffrent characters where there lives will inter-twine.
I like the creativity of the base characters and the weirdness of it all(like all your work is ^_^). Also you descriptions are sharp and minimalist and yet, very detailed. Still, i know you can eloborate Even more on the settings!
This is a very complex form of writing your undergoing and be careful with you 3rd person. i noticed i had to re-read some parts of your story to make sense of whats going on. A story should be smooth, easily read and flow off the tounge. try re-reading some of your paragraphs and listen to yourself read them. If you have to stop, and make sense of something, you need to look at it carefully for editing.
Anyway! not bad for your first story! keep it up and ill be watching you even more closely! ^_^
I like the creativity of the base characters and the weirdness of it all(like all your work is ^_^). Also you descriptions are sharp and minimalist and yet, very detailed. Still, i know you can eloborate Even more on the settings!
This is a very complex form of writing your undergoing and be careful with you 3rd person. i noticed i had to re-read some parts of your story to make sense of whats going on. A story should be smooth, easily read and flow off the tounge. try re-reading some of your paragraphs and listen to yourself read them. If you have to stop, and make sense of something, you need to look at it carefully for editing.
Anyway! not bad for your first story! keep it up and ill be watching you even more closely! ^_^
I've seen a few movies like that, I guess it is eh.
I'm a bit better describing settings now, I'll go through and do that! :]
LOL didn't even understand 3rd person and such when I started it, I do now so hopefully it'll be much better after I fix things xP
Thanks a bunch for the critique! Always helpful! :D
I'm a bit better describing settings now, I'll go through and do that! :]
LOL didn't even understand 3rd person and such when I started it, I do now so hopefully it'll be much better after I fix things xP
Thanks a bunch for the critique! Always helpful! :D
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