My first story for this site, hurray!
A friendly dragon decides to play a stinky prank on an unsuspecting adventurer before helping him on his way.

Contains: mild scat and flatulence

---

A Scaly Prankster

Sebastian walked along the well-worn path, his mind on the road ahead and only vaguely keeping track of the steps he was taking. This had proven a bad idea earlier and would undoubtedly prove so again, but he was too concerned about what he was going to do when he arrived at his destination. It wasn’t easy to make a living anywhere these days, and he knew an apprenticeship was his best option, but it was not something he was looking forward to doing. Blacksmithing, tailoring, tiling, painting… none of these held his attention for very long, and he doubted he’d enjoy doing any of them for a living. He could try being a merchant, but there were far too many of those already, and, try as he might, he could think of nothing people would want to buy that wasn’t already being sold by someone else. He’d just have to settle if he wanted to put bread on the table… or have a table to put bread on, for that matter.
Sebastian thought he heard a rustling in the bushes, and his hand instinctively went to his sword. ‘Probably just a dragon,’ he thought, hopefully, for this was dragon country, which meant there were, theoretically, dragons living here, though he’d never actually seen one, although he knew he had nothing to worry about if he did. Maybe he could even hitch a ride to where he was going; he’d heard stories from people who had done that before, it was supposed to be very convenient. No, Sebastian had been worried that there could be bandits roaming this forest, which was a distinct possibility, for where there were dragons, there were gems, and where there was treasure to be had, there were bandits to be having it. He should have taken a caravan, everyone else took caravans, they were nice, they were safe, and they kept the bandits away. But, no, he was too cheap for a caravan; he needed to save money.
‘Not cheap,’ Sebastian reminded himself, ‘Practical with money.’
He bought what he needed, and only what he needed, taking care of the necessary expenses first. Then, and only then, would he consider buying anything for himself. Food, water, shelter, and clothing were the four basics, after that, he considered spending what he had left over on little things, like the sapphire pendant around his neck, which was supposed to be bringing him luck. So far, it had done nothing of the sort. He couldn’t blame the pendant for not taking a caravan- this had been his decision, as he knew he could reach Ketyl in less than a day’s travel if he made good time- but perhaps he could blame it for being distracted earlier and wandering waist deep into a giant pile of dragon poop? That seemed more bad luck than anything else, surely. He resolved to also blame the pendant if he did not reach Ketyl later that night, as well, as he would travel throughout the entire day, stopping only to eat and rest his legs when he got tired.
He continued on the path, his mind still on his future career. Maybe he could study dragons for a living? Scholars were always studying various things, from math to society, so why couldn’t he study dragons? Surely someone would pay him to do that, right? Anything related to scientific observation of anything was bond to have money in it. Besides, it would actually give him an excuse to see a dragon, for once, instead of just imagining it. Back at the farm, it was work, work, work all day long, and he had been too tired to go out into the forests at night as he had oft dreamed of doing. He had imagined talking to a dragon, asking him why his family was so poor and the king so rich, and what he could do about it. Surely a dragon would know the answer, because they were supposed to be the most intelligent of all animal species. And when he had that answer, he would take it back and whisper it to his father, and his father would whisper it to his mother, and she to Old Man Weatherly, and he to Goody Jenkins, and so on, and so forth, until everyone in the village knew what they’d been doing wrong, and things would be just as they were under Thomas the Kind, and everyone would be happy, and wealthy, instead of sad and poor… But, as he had grown older, he had realized things were not so simple. He still wanted to meet a dragon nonetheless, because surely they knew the answer to one of life’s many other mysteries. And if not, maybe they could go flying off to someplace where there was someone who did. Surely there was not poverty everywhere?
Sebastian shook his head. It was no good to fantasize about such things when he had the real world to contend with. He might still be able to study dragons, though, and maybe that knowledge could help people, his village, and his family. But first he had to get to where he was going, and he would never be able to do so if he kept concentrating on his head instead of his feet. He took out the map and looked at it. Let’s see, there was his village where he had started out… there was Ketyl… there was supposed to be a fork in the road, he had taken that about two hours ago… no!
“No, no, no!” he shouted to the trees and the sky, “Damned left turn! Why didn’t I go right?”
Oh, yes. Now he was lost. He’d easily forsaken too much time that he should have spent on the other path; it would take him at least two hours, probably longer, to find his way back, and he’d probably have to travel past nightfall, which would make it hard to see, and be about four times as dangerous. He’d have to find an inn after it got dark, and that would cost money, which he had been trying to save! He grumbled and cursed under his breath as he made his way back along the path. He gripped the pendant tightly in his hand and swore vehemently at it.
“This is all your damn fault!” he spat, “Lucky my foot!” And he would have torn it off and tossed it aside if it hadn’t cost him five whole pieces of silver.
He sullenly made his way back along the path, grumbling as he did so, and hoping that, by some miracle, he could find a way to make up for lost time. He chanced a glance up at the sun. Mid-afternoon, damn! He took off at a run; foolishly, doing the only thing he could think of to regain some of the precious daylight he had wasted. He hit an exposed tree branch and landed flat on his face, screaming in anger and hitting the ground with his fist.
“Is something wrong?” came a voice, and he looked up and was amazed.
A dragon, an actual dragon, stood there on the path in front of him! It’s head cocked to one side, looking down at him with curiosity. It was easily the size of a carriage, horses and all! It was covered from head to toe in shiny black scales, with a dark gray underbelly and two horns that arched backwards along its great head. It’s eyes were a wonderful golden yellow, reflecting intelligence and kindness. Its voice was friendly, playfully so, as if it regarded him as some sort of exciting new discovery, but in an inquisitive, child-like fashion. He also caught wind of a rather abominable odor that was most certainly coming from the dragon, and remembered that the villagers sometimes found them bothersome for two reasons: their great size, and their abundant flatulence. He wrinkled his nose and vowed to ignore the stink, not wanting to offend this wondrous creature. He remembered the stories suddenly; it could fly him to Ketyl, he was saved! He could kiss the amulet: it had brought him some luck after all!
“Are you a human?” the dragon asked, and Sebastian could tell it was male from the voice. It began wandering curiously around Sebastian and looking him over, “I’ve never seen a human before.” It began sniffing him.
“Yes,” Sebastian replied, slightly surprised that the dragon was smelling him, although he supposed it was a normal animal response, “Do you think you might be able to get me to Ketyl? I seem to have taken a wrong turn, and I’m trying to reach there before nightfall.”
“Yeah!” the dragon said, “I can get you there in no time. But can we play first?”
“Play?” Sebastian asked, “What do you mean ‘play’?” He had heard that dragons were energetic, but surely this could wait.
“I wanna play a game,” the dragon said, “All of my friends say it’s a lot of fun, but its especially fun to play with humans. Please? It’ll be really funny!”
“What sort of game?” Sebastian asked, “I need to reach Ketyl by nightfall, so I’m sorry but I don’t have all day to be playing with you. Maybe we can play after we get there?”
“Awww,” the dragon said, “I wanna play right now! Please? Please, please, please? It’ll only take a few minutes, and it’ll be really funny, I promise!”
“Well, I suppose…” Sebastian said. One little game couldn’t hurt, and then they’d be off.
“Yeah!” said the dragon. Sebastian watched uncertainly as the great reptile reared up on its hind legs, then turned around. Sebastian grimaced as he caught wind of the creature’s back-end, which intensified as the reptile lifted his tail, revealing his backside to him. There was dried dung around the anus, and some of it looked fresh. He had little time to notice this however, as the smelly reptile backed up and lowered himself right on top of Sebastian, sitting on him.
Sebastian shouted as he was pressed beneath the wide, scaly black rear. The creature’s hindquarters rested flatly against his chest, and he could smell the stink from the dragon’s anus, a quarter inch from his face.
“What are you doing?” Sebastian shouted, “Get off me!”
“Ha, ha!” laughed the dragon, “I’m sitting on you! You humans sure are comfy!” And he shifted his great scaly rear around, as if on a soft cushion, making himself more comfortable.
“Alright, alright, you win,” said Sebastian, “You’re sitting on me. Very funny, now can you please get off?”
“Hold on,” said the dragon, “Here comes the best part!”
‘What does he mean?’ wondered Sebastian, then he heard a grumbling in the dragon’s bowels and realized, ‘He’s going to fart on me!’ And he suddenly remembered other stories about the flatulent antics dragons were sometimes fond of playing, and realized he was the butt of a joke… quite literally. He’d rather not be farted on, if he could help it! Sebastian squirmed and tried to escape from the reptilian rump, but it was no use. The anus opened and the dragon let loose with a gigantic, gassy fart that bubbled and echoed. Sebastian groaned and tried not to breathe through his nose as the stink washed over him in a warm wave.
“Gah! Bad dragon!” he said, “That stinks!”
“I know,” laughed the dragon, “Have another!”
The scaly bottom broke wind again, blasting noisy and long, the fart pitching up and down as the gas was expelled and Sebastian could but lie there and hope the stinking reptile ran out of flatulence soon. The dragon laughed and farted repeatedly, shifting his bottom and farting in Sebastian’s face playfully, giggling with each blast expelled.
“This is too funny!” chuckled the dragon, “How’s it smelling down there?”
“Horrible!” Sebastian groaned, “Are you almost finished? Are you even going to take me to Ketyl at all, or are you just going to sit and fart on me all day?”
“No, no,” the dragon reassured him, “I just wanted to play a little before we went to Ketyl, but I will take you, I promise. Don’t you think it’s funny?”
“No, its gross,” Sebastian said, “It’s the worst thing I think I’ve ever smelt in my life.”
“Awww,” said the dragon, blasting another fart, “You’re no fun. Not even a little funny?”
“Well, maybe a little,” Sebastian said, feeling like he was talking to a dragon butt instead of a dragon, “But it’s certainly one of the grossest experiences I’ve ever had.”
“Okay,” sighed the dragon, letting loose another loud toot. He sniffed the air and laughed, “That’s the chili I ate earlier,” he said.
“Believe me, I can smell,” Sebastian replied. The dragon laughed.
A few farts and giggles later, the scaly animal rose up off of Sebastian, and smiled down at him.
“That was hilarious!” he said, “Thanks for letting me sit on you!”
Sebastian begrudgingly admitted that there was something amusing about the whole experience, although he knew it’d be days before he got the stink out of his clothes. Not to mention the few smears of dung from when the dragon had made himself comfortable.
“Look at this!” Sebastian groaned, “I’ll never get these stains out!”
“Yes you will,” the dragon assured him, “It’s just dragon poop; it comes out with soap and water.”
“Fine, I guess you’re right,” he noticed the dragon looked sad, and felt a little bad for yelling at him. He was just playing, after all, and he was going to help him get to Ketyl, “I’m sorry. If you want to sit on me, though, please give me a little warning first.”
“Yea!” said the dragon, snatching him in a big scaly embrace, startling Sebastian again as he was lifted off his feet, “Thank you! You’re a nice human, after all!”
“You’re welcome,” said Sebastian, returning the dragon’s hug and then grimacing as another fart left the dragon’s rear, “Gah! That stinks so badly! Can you please try not to do that around me?” He hadn’t wanted to say anything, and it seemed a little silly after having enormous blasts of it expelled on him, but he felt he had a right to complain.
“Hee, hee, sorry!” said the dragon, fanning his rear with a large claw, “We tend to be pretty gassy.”
“No kidding,” Sebastian said, pushing away from the dragon’s hug, “Now, what say you fly me to Ketyl like you promised?”
“Okay,” said the dragon, raising the human with his claw and setting him on his back, “Let’s go then!”
The dragon flapped his wings and flew upwards, as Sebastian grasped his neck and saw the ground disappear below them as they rose above the treetops.
‘Well,’ he thought, ‘It’s not quite what I was expecting, but it’s nice to finally meet a dragon after all.’
“By the way, what’s your name?” he asked the dragon.
“I’m Nestor,” said the dragon, “What’s your name?”
“My name’s Sebastian,” he replied, “It’s nice to meet you, Nestor.”
“You too,” replied the dragon, “Make sure you hold on tight!”
“I am,” Sebastian said, as they flew over the treetops for Ketyl.
‘Hopefully, that’s where my future lies,’ Sebastian thought, and he revisited the idea of becoming a dragon scholar, ‘He does seem very nice. From the front-end, anyway.’