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2010 VOCT Tournament, round 1, Taluthus VS Starving Smeargle
Taluthus vs 
starvingsmeargleWell, here is my first entry into the VOCT tournament. Im not really that happy with it but at least it's something, and I HAVE already gained something from this, the ability to complete a story that i set out to write! ^.^ So yaaay ive got something from this competition already!
Anyways, this is my piece for the first area of the competition, Submucosa. I'm still new to the whole writing as if in a game situation, so likely many of you will find this piece not the greatest, but if I DO make it through to the next round, perhaps ill be able to work on that on with my next opponent. ^.^
Anyways, good luck to everyone, and heres to hoping that I win my first round!
Story contains soft oral vore, digestion, the usual typical things you would expect. :P
Please, comments, suggestions and critique are all welcome! ^.^
Taluthus
EDITED 26/3/10 CHANGED Jacqueline Iris to make her gender correct! >.>
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My friend, this round goes to you. My chapter didn't even come close to this, and I am very pleased, to say the least~
Only a couple things seemed off. All SS's attacks are illusions, and as such don't really happen. Thus his attack wouldn't have triggered the volcano. And it seemed every time you mentioned him you always said Starving Smeargle, rather then SS or a generalization such as 'the smeargle' or 'the dog' which might have made it flow a bit better.
But still, you trump me hands down~
Only a couple things seemed off. All SS's attacks are illusions, and as such don't really happen. Thus his attack wouldn't have triggered the volcano. And it seemed every time you mentioned him you always said Starving Smeargle, rather then SS or a generalization such as 'the smeargle' or 'the dog' which might have made it flow a bit better.
But still, you trump me hands down~
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