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Category Story / Miscellaneous
Species Mammal (Other)
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 4.2 kB
I'm going to try to be constructive here...
Have you ever read a book? Is this how books are written? No, books are written in paragraph form. Actions that characters perform are not placed between asterisks, the writer tells the reader what the character is doing. Instead of *goes to store*, the writer will say "John went to the store". Also, there is too much dialogue in this story. Try to keep the ratio of dialogue to other text at 1:2 at the LEAST. You were also inconsistent with the use of quotation marks. Sometimes there are no closing marks, sometimes there are no marks at all. Also, try to use spell checker to find basic mistakes. It makes a whole lot better of a first impression when someone reads a story with proper spelling and grammar.
Have you ever read a book? Is this how books are written? No, books are written in paragraph form. Actions that characters perform are not placed between asterisks, the writer tells the reader what the character is doing. Instead of *goes to store*, the writer will say "John went to the store". Also, there is too much dialogue in this story. Try to keep the ratio of dialogue to other text at 1:2 at the LEAST. You were also inconsistent with the use of quotation marks. Sometimes there are no closing marks, sometimes there are no marks at all. Also, try to use spell checker to find basic mistakes. It makes a whole lot better of a first impression when someone reads a story with proper spelling and grammar.
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