FA+
Shop
293
Views
Views
10
Favorites
Favorites
Category
Poetry / Miscellaneous
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 120
File Size 528 B
Report this content
More from D-Tail
Well hello there! =D
It appears my hiatus is truly over; this here poem was thought up within a matter of minutes. It's short but sweet--literally. x3
Oh how I love nature! You just have to wonder what it tastes like! \(^o^)/
As you all know, my poems are usually simple in concept, so just enjoy what you read/see! :)
Until next poem! ^^
It appears my hiatus is truly over; this here poem was thought up within a matter of minutes. It's short but sweet--literally. x3
Oh how I love nature! You just have to wonder what it tastes like! \(^o^)/
As you all know, my poems are usually simple in concept, so just enjoy what you read/see! :)
Until next poem! ^^
Category Poetry / Miscellaneous
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 528 B
Care for me to abuse you before your college classmates do? I can certainly not make comments, if you prefer.
The first two lines and the last stanza are good. You have a direct in the poem, and you're actually saying something.
The rest is awkward because of the elevated language. "as if onions made cumuli cry!" is sort of unintentionally funny, because it looks like you're using the word "cumuli" just to look sophisticated.
Look at this writing: "Numbers are not like some of the other grammatical modes which express precisely a mode of conception without any reality that corresponds to the conceptual mode, and consequently do not express precisely something in reality by which the intellect could be moved to conceive a thing the way it does, even where that motive is not something in the thing as such."
That quote uses bombastic language to fool those who are impressed by fancy-sounding terminology. It says nothing. Some people will fall for that sort of stuff. A lot of others won't. Don't write like that.
The first two lines and the last stanza are good. You have a direct in the poem, and you're actually saying something.
The rest is awkward because of the elevated language. "as if onions made cumuli cry!" is sort of unintentionally funny, because it looks like you're using the word "cumuli" just to look sophisticated.
Look at this writing: "Numbers are not like some of the other grammatical modes which express precisely a mode of conception without any reality that corresponds to the conceptual mode, and consequently do not express precisely something in reality by which the intellect could be moved to conceive a thing the way it does, even where that motive is not something in the thing as such."
That quote uses bombastic language to fool those who are impressed by fancy-sounding terminology. It says nothing. Some people will fall for that sort of stuff. A lot of others won't. Don't write like that.
Errr, I don't believe I do write like that. (o.o)
Anyhoo, if "cumuli" is the only word/portion of the poem that irks ya, I don't have much to complain about. ^^
Let's see, "sophisticated"? I don't choose my words with that impression in mind; I choose them because they contribute to the poem--usually in more ways than one. ^^
1.) "cumuli" is simply used here as synonym for clouds; it, in particular, was used because of its syllabic stresses
2.) the word's last syllable (the long "I" sound) has a nice internal rhyme with the following word "cry"
3.) the word's first syllable has alliteration with the word "cry" as well
4.) if you perceived it as "unintentionally funny," that's perfectly fine; I would giggle too if I knew the source of rain was an onion making a cloud cry! x3
On the (possible downside), the only reason "cumuli" stands out is because of its elongated first syllable. Though it falls into the anapestic rhythm, that long stress draws attention to itself; that, of course, can't be helped, as it's just how the word is pronounced. =/
Lastly, the quote you gave doesn't have much relevance here, as it's not an example of bombastic poetry (at least I think it's not). I don't see why I would ever write like that! D8
"Bombastic language"? Well, it certainly wouldn't be my fault if a particular reader didn't know what the word "cumuli" meant. Not to sound mean or arrogant, that is the purpose of a dictionary. Also, prohibiting the use of the word "cumuli" just because you believe it sounds inflated wouldn't be fair; after all, the word adequately serves its purpose in multiple ways. =(
Anyhoo, if "cumuli" is the only word/portion of the poem that irks ya, I don't have much to complain about. ^^
Let's see, "sophisticated"? I don't choose my words with that impression in mind; I choose them because they contribute to the poem--usually in more ways than one. ^^
1.) "cumuli" is simply used here as synonym for clouds; it, in particular, was used because of its syllabic stresses
2.) the word's last syllable (the long "I" sound) has a nice internal rhyme with the following word "cry"
3.) the word's first syllable has alliteration with the word "cry" as well
4.) if you perceived it as "unintentionally funny," that's perfectly fine; I would giggle too if I knew the source of rain was an onion making a cloud cry! x3
On the (possible downside), the only reason "cumuli" stands out is because of its elongated first syllable. Though it falls into the anapestic rhythm, that long stress draws attention to itself; that, of course, can't be helped, as it's just how the word is pronounced. =/
Lastly, the quote you gave doesn't have much relevance here, as it's not an example of bombastic poetry (at least I think it's not). I don't see why I would ever write like that! D8
"Bombastic language"? Well, it certainly wouldn't be my fault if a particular reader didn't know what the word "cumuli" meant. Not to sound mean or arrogant, that is the purpose of a dictionary. Also, prohibiting the use of the word "cumuli" just because you believe it sounds inflated wouldn't be fair; after all, the word adequately serves its purpose in multiple ways. =(
D'aww, I really appreciate the kind words, Jazzy! :3
I was trying to go for something different, for a change. ^^
Ah, but in case you didn't know, I've been working on a rather LONG ballad poem...we're talking over 200 lines. ^^;
I hope to finish it soon, though I also hope people aren't intimidated by its length; I'm doing my very best to keep the reader entertained throughout the poem's entirety! =O
Well then--good day, milady. =)
I was trying to go for something different, for a change. ^^
Ah, but in case you didn't know, I've been working on a rather LONG ballad poem...we're talking over 200 lines. ^^;
I hope to finish it soon, though I also hope people aren't intimidated by its length; I'm doing my very best to keep the reader entertained throughout the poem's entirety! =O
Well then--good day, milady. =)
Comments