Being the big sister is too hard. Always having to play silly games, never being able to choose first and receive scolds again and again when your little sister accidentally hurts or begins to cry even if you did nothing. If there were just a way to take revenge on that unfair situation, Celestia will be, without a doubt, happy to do that. But sometimes you should be careful with the things you wish because they could become true and won’t be as good as they seemed. During a hot summer day, a young Princess Celestia is going to learn that no matter how sweet a candy tastes, its flavor won’t last forever.
Remember, revenge is a dish best served cold, but it could be too cold that you freeze your own tongue.
You can also read this story on Fimfiction: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/45.....ll-friendships
Remember, revenge is a dish best served cold, but it could be too cold that you freeze your own tongue.
You can also read this story on Fimfiction: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/45.....ll-friendships
Category Story / My Little Pony / Brony
Species Pony
Size 120 x 89px
File Size 11.2 kB
Listed in Folders
I am very happy you shared this story here, too. A second read through was definitely as enjoyable as the first.
I really enjoy the diaper changing scene for how it illustrates the difference between Luna and Celestia in age. Luna has not yet gotten to a potty training age. However Celestia has and the way the guard acted towards each during the change was a great way to remind the older sister of how she should be modelling better behavior for her younger sister.
We also have the realistic frustrations that come with siblings of different age. The older one will often find the younger one a pain due to how they appear to be getting better treatment. However they honestly forget they were treated the same way at their age. The older one also is not a big fan of being asked to do things with the younger sibling. The moments of frustration with the pancakes, dragon game, and ball throwing were all perfect in showing this sibling rivalry.
You also made the ending work out as, no matter how annoying, the older sibling does like having the younger sibling.
There are a lot of great lessons in this story. I applaud your writing of it and for sharing here on FA, too.
I really enjoy the diaper changing scene for how it illustrates the difference between Luna and Celestia in age. Luna has not yet gotten to a potty training age. However Celestia has and the way the guard acted towards each during the change was a great way to remind the older sister of how she should be modelling better behavior for her younger sister.
We also have the realistic frustrations that come with siblings of different age. The older one will often find the younger one a pain due to how they appear to be getting better treatment. However they honestly forget they were treated the same way at their age. The older one also is not a big fan of being asked to do things with the younger sibling. The moments of frustration with the pancakes, dragon game, and ball throwing were all perfect in showing this sibling rivalry.
You also made the ending work out as, no matter how annoying, the older sibling does like having the younger sibling.
There are a lot of great lessons in this story. I applaud your writing of it and for sharing here on FA, too.
Thanks, Yosh. I forgot to submit the story here I'm not sure why. My main goal with the story was writing a simple but adorable story about the princesses just as the drawing where it is inspired. And it seems I was able to do so :)
Thank you very much Yosh for reminding me the good points of this writing. You're really kind as always.
Thank you very much Yosh for reminding me the good points of this writing. You're really kind as always.
I just like how your stories have just as much, if not more, 'heart' in them as your artwork.
You also have a strong grasp on the techniques for building a good story. You introduce the characters, set the condition that is to be resolved through the story, resolve the situation the characters are struggling with, and end with a sense of growth having occurred as a result of the story as a whole.
What is very good is how your use of ponies in diapers is not the primary reason for the story. You, to me, use the padded ponies to take us back into more simple times where we were all more able to learn while showing kindness. The 'foals' in 'diapers' just makes it more like watching a cartoon / animation that is meant to use bright colors, character expressions and actions to create the trouble that needs resolved, and then a show of care and affection ends the lesson. Foals being all cuddly with each other as a way of illustrating a feeling of appreciation is far more acceptable than shows and stories meant for older audiences.
***
If it is okay, I will answer your question from FiM Fiction here. (FiM Fiction does not let me reply to comments)
You achieved everything in this story with your writing of 'Diapers: Player 1'. The one difference is how you split the story into segments. The first chapter presenting the readers with the problem and the second being about how Luna came to resolve the problem in a positive way. She does not need to turn into Nightmare Moon if she can find ponies awake at night who appreciate her nights as time to get their game on.
The story also had a good ending in how Luna would actually know more about Celestia's 'guilty pleasure' in having cake as a late night snack. Celestia can only guess her sister is having some residual bed wetting problems from her exile on the moon. So Luna would be able to continue double, tripling, and quadrupling the fun after she helps some ponies before spending the rest of her shift giving Button Mash a run for his bits.
You also have a strong grasp on the techniques for building a good story. You introduce the characters, set the condition that is to be resolved through the story, resolve the situation the characters are struggling with, and end with a sense of growth having occurred as a result of the story as a whole.
What is very good is how your use of ponies in diapers is not the primary reason for the story. You, to me, use the padded ponies to take us back into more simple times where we were all more able to learn while showing kindness. The 'foals' in 'diapers' just makes it more like watching a cartoon / animation that is meant to use bright colors, character expressions and actions to create the trouble that needs resolved, and then a show of care and affection ends the lesson. Foals being all cuddly with each other as a way of illustrating a feeling of appreciation is far more acceptable than shows and stories meant for older audiences.
***
If it is okay, I will answer your question from FiM Fiction here. (FiM Fiction does not let me reply to comments)
You achieved everything in this story with your writing of 'Diapers: Player 1'. The one difference is how you split the story into segments. The first chapter presenting the readers with the problem and the second being about how Luna came to resolve the problem in a positive way. She does not need to turn into Nightmare Moon if she can find ponies awake at night who appreciate her nights as time to get their game on.
The story also had a good ending in how Luna would actually know more about Celestia's 'guilty pleasure' in having cake as a late night snack. Celestia can only guess her sister is having some residual bed wetting problems from her exile on the moon. So Luna would be able to continue double, tripling, and quadrupling the fun after she helps some ponies before spending the rest of her shift giving Button Mash a run for his bits.
Thanks for thinking that I follow a logical order when writing stories Yosh. I usually follow an organized path to do my work (writing, drawing, studying) which may result in a not so bad result. Also, I try to follow the advice that I learned in school about the parts of a story and also remembering that when I read other stories.
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