Hello, I know this is a bit late but here is some feedback for both parts, this is a very interesting story and I can't wait to see how it develops, my main point of feedback will be grammar at times it can be very hard to understand who is talking or who is talking to whom remember to separate peoples dialogue for e.g.

"Hello," Star said

"Star" Far exclaimed, "how nice to see you."

However, you may find a different way this is just the way I do it.

happy writing.

Thanks, will take note of it.