Your tenses are outofwhack again, keep working on that habit.

Beginnings are important things, they serve to draw your audience into the work. Your first paragraph is a tell mess that can be cut entirely as it serves little purpose to the work's whole.

"Of course, " .. better to transition naturally as you don't have a frame narrator. Also dialogue first, then tag, because we read with a perception of sound reaching us before image also stops form showing..


Nonetheless, a really good story with excellent pathos.

I expected to have tense problems since it seems to be my worst weakness. That or my first paragraphs (sometimes). It honestly makes me a bit frustrated when I re-read passages I wrote before and see my verb tenses go out of whack. Mostly I blame the way I speak. But still, no excuses on that though. If anything, I was hoping to describe to the viewer well what they were seeing and end it emotionally. At least the pathos was recognized. But the cost of the structure of the story still bothers me.

Similar comments that I got from the assignment version of this story. At least with the first paragraph. I had what I wanted to write about. I didn't quite think of how to get there. It was difficult for me to reasonably tie into the main story. I honestly only had something there to have a filament to write the rest. I know that this is a horrible decision on my part, but it got me out of the funk of not having anything at all. Actually, the original 1st paragraph was worse than what's written above.

Thanks for your feedback. I'll do my best next time to fix my tense issues. As well as fix my problem with coming up with introduction paragraphs.

Just take your time and make it a part of your editing process. Past tense, the verbs need to end in ed, aka walked, read, smacked, cracked, etc. If the verbs then its out of tense.

With writing a beginning, simply writing. I'm not sure why a free writing assignment would ask for an introduction when it ain't common in standard fiction. Simply starting, mede res is the trick. Start with the story. Place, character, dialogue, action, are all acceptable areas to start the story and grasp the reader with. You wanted to go to place, but lost the town in a long tell a thon of school weeks, etc. All you had to do was get right down to that church, wolfman, or little girl.

This is rewriting too, as its not an edit after a draft, but developing a sense of after you write it going back and rewriting it after a draft.

Past tense not present.