Childhood. it gets thrown around a lot when people talk about their pasts because it sets up the foundation for how they go forward as people. I was always cheerful as a kid, happy, silly, all too willing to play games and be sociable. This didn't really change as I got older, I still love games, I still love to be chatty, I'm still a bit silly for no reason other than it's amusing. You might think I had an easy time making friends with that kind of mindset but well... Unlucky circumstances led to a very different experience. I lived out in the country at the time, and there was always some nook or some cranny to explore out in the wilderness. This however, didn't leave me to meeting people out and about often, or getting to visit friends who lived a good 20-15 minutes away at the closest if I was lucky. Now I know it might seem like trivial information to talk about, especially when as a Child, I never really was exposed to the wild world of sexuality. But this had an impact none the less when at 5 years old, my parents got into a messy divorce. Nothing physical ever happened, but the emotional toll the whole thing caused was great. Pretty soon I was being shipped between houses, between parents, between two separate families all the time. Then the games started, and not the fun kind of games. The kind of games people play when they want to hurt someone. My Mother and Father constantly fought in this battle of custody to try and get at the other for 15 years of marriage down the drain. I was questioned from both sides as to one or the others intentions. repeatedly told how I was a pawn from either side to be used against them. I never felt like I could turn to anyone, talk to anyone. and this would start the building of great walls to protect the heart that was repeatedly shattered. Broken by parents and family that constantly used me as a part of their game to cause emotional damage to the other. But then I got older, a little wiser, started learning the rules of the game and learned a very very important fact. Just like you can quit playing tag or decline an offer to play chess, you are only ever bound to the games you decide to play. It was then, that I started becoming distant. quiet. Unwilling to play into the games of anyone. by then the damage had been done. and I locked away my emotions, cause the only thing they caused me was grief. (Don't worry this changes later, but it still stings to think about. more on that in another Picture/ Journal.)