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Here we go! The first commit!
This one didn't take me long to write, but it took so long to fix and gain the confidence to post it online. I'm thankful to my friends for the support they gave in helping me go through with this. One thing I feel a bit off about is the explanation of what's going on. Hopefully, I fixed those mistakes my discord readers found.
I hope you all enjoyed Chapter 1 of Parallels.
Tune in my Journals to know about my update schedule and other stories I write.
This one didn't take me long to write, but it took so long to fix and gain the confidence to post it online. I'm thankful to my friends for the support they gave in helping me go through with this. One thing I feel a bit off about is the explanation of what's going on. Hopefully, I fixed those mistakes my discord readers found.
I hope you all enjoyed Chapter 1 of Parallels.
Tune in my Journals to know about my update schedule and other stories I write.
Category Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 50 x 50px
File Size 26.2 kB
Listed in Folders
Well a pretty solid beginning with a good luck of character. Remember to reinforce your character description and environmental description through your first person perspective. When you do it you do it well but then it falls to the way side, you often just label things as coyote person etc., so its something to keep up throughout the work.
Now some mechanical issues:
1. Tense issue. You use present tense, you do not have a very good frame beyond the dream sequence for present tense. Past tense will create an illusion of happening for your audience, it strange, but our brains are rigged like that. It will help your story flow a lot better.
2. You sometimes trip up in repetitiveness sentence structure transitioning from paragraph to paragraph (character name blanked, I, and My). After a draft go through and comb and try to find new ways to address and approach sentences and paragraphs. The trick is often in action or description is the key.
Go forth with courage, its this far and you have a lot of potential.
Now some mechanical issues:
1. Tense issue. You use present tense, you do not have a very good frame beyond the dream sequence for present tense. Past tense will create an illusion of happening for your audience, it strange, but our brains are rigged like that. It will help your story flow a lot better.
2. You sometimes trip up in repetitiveness sentence structure transitioning from paragraph to paragraph (character name blanked, I, and My). After a draft go through and comb and try to find new ways to address and approach sentences and paragraphs. The trick is often in action or description is the key.
Go forth with courage, its this far and you have a lot of potential.
Thank you so much for the constructive criticism.
This isn’t my first first-person write up and i appreciate your take on this. With the tense issue, you suggest past tense for the chapter itself because the reader will be at ease or is it because it’s a consistency problem? Regardless this will help how I fix this in chapter one and innovate in my future chapters.
This isn’t my first first-person write up and i appreciate your take on this. With the tense issue, you suggest past tense for the chapter itself because the reader will be at ease or is it because it’s a consistency problem? Regardless this will help how I fix this in chapter one and innovate in my future chapters.
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