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More from Scier
Well, this took me longer than a poem has in quite some time. Over the course of a week, I have put bit by bit together to create this work, and a fitting ending is that it arrives on Valentine's Day.
I don't want to spoil the meaning too much, but if you have any questions, please feel free to ask me about it. I am very proud of how this turned out, and for my watchers this is a taste of more to come. I am productive once more! ^w^
I don't want to spoil the meaning too much, but if you have any questions, please feel free to ask me about it. I am very proud of how this turned out, and for my watchers this is a taste of more to come. I am productive once more! ^w^
Category Poetry / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 120 x 120px
File Size 1.7 kB
Well well, this is quite the read, Scier! =O
Particular events near the middle were a little fuzzy for me, but I believe I got the gist of the poem. In the end, the speaker definitely frees himself (or...a part of himself, I suppose) by shattering his little glass cage. ^^
Hmm, one couplet that stuck out (in a bad way, I'm afraid) was:
T'was not my quest to seek syntax;
I'd not a use for tongue attacks.
I'm pretty sure this couplet means that the speaker had no use for incantations (whether I'm right or wrong is irrelevant though); though, the use of "tongue attacks" is just awkward. It...kinda came across as a forced rhyme for me --> (syntax with attacks). I'm sure you can come up with a much more powerful couplet, my friend! =D
Now then, your poem seems to be primarily iambic tetrameter (with the exception of the feminine rhyming lines); let's see how many lines follow that:
Quatrain 1 (line 2)
Quatrain 2 (lines 3 & 4)
Quatrain 3 (lines 3 & 4)
Quatrain 4
Quatrain 5 (lines 1 & 2)
Quatrain 6
Quatrain 7 (lines 2, 3 & 4) ~line 4 has one anapest, but it has four feet, so it passes perfectly~
Quatrain 8 (lines 1 & 2)
Quatrain 9 (lines 3 & 4)
Quatrain 10
Quatrain 11
Quatrain 12
Whew...overall, I'd say you did a bang up job with meter, Scier! =D
Oh, but quatrain 10, line 4: should "forfeit" be past tense? (I think this because of the previously used --> "scrawled")
Anyhoo, I like this. The story was certainly interesting. It can, of course, definitely be smoother, but it's not bad! ;3
I look forward to more from you, good sir. \(^_9)/
Particular events near the middle were a little fuzzy for me, but I believe I got the gist of the poem. In the end, the speaker definitely frees himself (or...a part of himself, I suppose) by shattering his little glass cage. ^^
Hmm, one couplet that stuck out (in a bad way, I'm afraid) was:
T'was not my quest to seek syntax;
I'd not a use for tongue attacks.
I'm pretty sure this couplet means that the speaker had no use for incantations (whether I'm right or wrong is irrelevant though); though, the use of "tongue attacks" is just awkward. It...kinda came across as a forced rhyme for me --> (syntax with attacks). I'm sure you can come up with a much more powerful couplet, my friend! =D
Now then, your poem seems to be primarily iambic tetrameter (with the exception of the feminine rhyming lines); let's see how many lines follow that:
Quatrain 1 (line 2)
Quatrain 2 (lines 3 & 4)
Quatrain 3 (lines 3 & 4)
Quatrain 4
Quatrain 5 (lines 1 & 2)
Quatrain 6
Quatrain 7 (lines 2, 3 & 4) ~line 4 has one anapest, but it has four feet, so it passes perfectly~
Quatrain 8 (lines 1 & 2)
Quatrain 9 (lines 3 & 4)
Quatrain 10
Quatrain 11
Quatrain 12
Whew...overall, I'd say you did a bang up job with meter, Scier! =D
Oh, but quatrain 10, line 4: should "forfeit" be past tense? (I think this because of the previously used --> "scrawled")
Anyhoo, I like this. The story was certainly interesting. It can, of course, definitely be smoother, but it's not bad! ;3
I look forward to more from you, good sir. \(^_9)/
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