I haven't talked about this here yet, but ... what was it only a month ago? Fuck. Time is weird and my brain is bad but I had to give a kind death to my dear, beloved Nico. He was a very old man - we got him old! and in the 4 years I had him, he was one of the greatest loves of my life. He got me through some of the hardest challenges I've ever faced, watched over me as I endured things I didn't think I could, making me laugh and being a pillar of light and good in some of the darkest times of my life.

His death happened the way I wished for him. I made the decision before he was suffering too much. It felt like the right time to do it. I was able to give him the PERFECT few days before our goodbye. He needed some extra meds and extra care, but he wasn't a complicated dog to make happy.

All he wanted was time with me. To play a bit, to cuddle, to eat soft food. Also - go to bed early haha.

My heart is broken, and my grief really. Crushed me for a while. I'm still not okay. I won't be for a while. And that's alright. Grief is part of love. My grief is hard to hold because it is so much, but it is that because of how fiercely he and I loved each other.

He was passed from home to home before me. None of those homes appreciated what a good dog he was, and HE WAS a very very good dog. He was a chihuahua that won the hearts of exclusively BIG DOG people. He changed people's MINDS about chihuahuas and what kinds of dogs they can be. His prior homes didn't even care enough to know how to feed him or groom him right, causing him lasting harm.

I think he knew, pretty quickly with me, that I was different, because according to people who aren't me, he latched onto me immediately. I was his landing, the home that kept him, and I cannot tell you how grateful I am to have been lucky enough to have been that home, to have been HIS PERSON.

My little old man, my potato prince, my dear dear Nico. I love you forever, and I am grateful you passed at home and at peace in my arms.