This is the first chapter for the Woldz, I'm going to try and do each Lupcin faction in the order they were introduced in the World of Rhimkas story, so up next are the Cavgars.
As always feedback/criticism is always welcome.
The Kingdom of Patrah, a large kingdom within the southern part of Rhimkas that holds the great city of Patrah, ruled by King Patrah and Queen Palenda, It is the largest kingdom within Rhimkas, it has large stone walls surrounding the city, protecting townsfolk merchants adventurers and mercenaries alike. The Kingdom is known for its many great victories at the hands of many sieges from those that wish to gain the heavily defended city for themselves. The Great city, however, is currently being attacked by a large army of Dusklanders, a more wholesome name for the undead creatures that managed to make their way outside of the land of Dusk. Dusklanders are usually creatures living or dead that have been warped by the Dusk corruption, sometimes they hold sentience but most times they do not, they roam around building in numbers, before attacking towns and cities, in a mindless wave of death and destruction. The many variations of Dusklanders and their ability to take immense damage and keep fighting, make them deadly opponents, as they began to overwhelm the Patrah knights.
Meanwhile, within a large adventurers lodge near the center of Patrah was a large group of around fifty Woldz attempting to relax after a journey to the city of Patrah only for it to sieged by Dusklanders many hours later. The group's leader offered to assist the king in fending off the Dusklanders but were refused as the kingdom of Patrah had never needed the help of non-Patrah born residents before in history. But after some time from the siege happening a messenger came bursting through the lodge doors, almost out of breath from running to the lodge. The messenger took a second to collect themselves before opening a parchment of paper and reading it aloud.
“To the mercenary group of Woldz currently within the Patrah adventurers lodge, I the King and Queen of the city of Patrah request your aid with the current siege of Dusklanders, your group will be greatly rewarded if you successfully exterminate the Dusklanders currently jeopardizing the safety of the Patrah citizens and the city itself.”
After reading off the request to the group of Woldz, a large one standing over 7ft walked to the front and stood next to the messenger, he was an old-looking Wold his body was covered in scars and he was blind in one eye, his fur was gray with streaks of white, when he spoke it was in a deep gruff voice that boomed around the room, he shouted a speech to the group of Woldz the riled them up as they grabbed their weapons and donned their armor, one Wold sat near the back looking at a golden fang necklace in his palm, the word “Malic” etched into it. Malic looked up before putting the necklace back around his neck, he put on his metal gauntlet with a jewel that seemed to swirl with faint energy on the back and picked up a large greatsword with some symbols engraved onto it, Malic stood at around 7ft 5in with white fur and streaks of brown, he had a calm looking face and a well-toned body from many years of training, he only had a few scars on his chest and arms unlike many of the other Woldz that were covered all over in them.
The Battlefield was hectic, many knights of Patra were being overpowered by the Dusklanders, moral was dying and hope was fading, then the knights heard it, the roar from the Woldz leader that echoed across the battlefield. The Knights of Patra saw the group of fifty-ish Woldz storm onto the battlefield and into the center of the fight, it was a sight to see as they overpowered the Dusklanders in a terrific display of sheer force. All of the Woldz pushed back the hoard of Dusklanders that were killing the Knights of Patra, as the group of Woldz pushed forward Malic stayed back and helped the knights still left, giving them orders and words of encouragement, he helped to rally those that had lost hope. After many hours the last Dusklander fell, the battle had been won thanks to the group of Woldz, and as promised the king invited the now tired group to a feast within the castle in celebration of their great Victory.
The Woldz partied hard within the kings dining hall as they feasted on great and well-prepared foods and fancy wines, they laughed and joked around as they all had a great time, Malic stood near a window at the back of the room looking at the city below, he was about to take a bite out of some food before the large old Wold from earlier walked up to him.
“Malic my boy, come join us with the festivities, stop standing back here alone and converse with the others.”
Malic looked up at the old Wold, before putting his plate down onto the side of the window.
“As much as I enjoyed celebrating with the others, I'm just not feeling it today, we lost a few good clan members in this battle and I can't stop thinking about the families that must be suffering from all the knights and loved ones that died in the siege, is it wrong for me to worry and feel bad for those that I don’t even know, that I’ve never even seen?”
Malic asked this question to the old Wold who put a hand on Malics shoulder
“You are not wrong to worry about those people, it is one of the quirks that make you unique, you care about others and worry for them no matter who they are, you are an honest warrior that never breaks a promise, and I admit you have the ability to inspire others to keep going in the most dire of situations, you are a good person and there is nothing wrong with that, now come on and join the fun.”
The old Wold smacked Malic on the back and laughed after saying that, it caused Malic to let out a smile before agreeing to join the others.
As Malic picked his plate up he noticed the old Wold and many others at the tables begin to topple over and lose strength in their legs, the old Wold fell to a knee a hand placed on the wall his breathing getting laboured, Malic placed the plate down and went to help the old Wold stand, as he got down to aid him the king walked into the room with a large group of knights with crossbows. The king turned towards the paralyzed Woldz and spoke.
“We the kingdom of Patra and myself thank you so very much with your assistance on defeat those abominations, but we can't have word spreading that we were helped by outside forces, I hope you all under that we have defended this Kingdom for many years with the pure-blooded Patrian people and we cannot have our history be ruined by a couple of dogs, we have an image to uphold.”
The king waved a hand in the air and the knights fired their crossbows at all the paralyzed Woldz, the sounds of bolts entering flesh and bones breaking as the barrage of bolts cracked all over the room, as the quiet moans of dying Wolds filled the room the king noticed two Woldz in the back of the room. One was Malic standing unharmed and the other was the old Wold in front of Malic many crossbow bolts sticking in him, he breathed heavily, blood dripping onto the stone floor as he stared at the king.
“Malic… Run… and Live….” As the old Wold said those words he grabbed Malic and threw him out the window.
“NO! AFTER IT! DON’T LET IT ESCAPE NO MATTER WHAT, WE CANNOT HAVE WORD OF THIS DAY SPREADING!”
Screamed the king to the knights.
“What an.. ungrateful bastard…” spat the old Wold to the king
“There is… a reason as too why… we are feared… amongst the battlefield..” the old Wold said as he drew his blade, the creaking and grinding of broken bones in his body, the sounds of blood dripping to the floor, and the noise of footsteps in puddles of blood is all that could be heard in the sudden silence of the room as the Wold approached the king and knights.
As always feedback/criticism is always welcome.
The Kingdom of Patrah, a large kingdom within the southern part of Rhimkas that holds the great city of Patrah, ruled by King Patrah and Queen Palenda, It is the largest kingdom within Rhimkas, it has large stone walls surrounding the city, protecting townsfolk merchants adventurers and mercenaries alike. The Kingdom is known for its many great victories at the hands of many sieges from those that wish to gain the heavily defended city for themselves. The Great city, however, is currently being attacked by a large army of Dusklanders, a more wholesome name for the undead creatures that managed to make their way outside of the land of Dusk. Dusklanders are usually creatures living or dead that have been warped by the Dusk corruption, sometimes they hold sentience but most times they do not, they roam around building in numbers, before attacking towns and cities, in a mindless wave of death and destruction. The many variations of Dusklanders and their ability to take immense damage and keep fighting, make them deadly opponents, as they began to overwhelm the Patrah knights.
Meanwhile, within a large adventurers lodge near the center of Patrah was a large group of around fifty Woldz attempting to relax after a journey to the city of Patrah only for it to sieged by Dusklanders many hours later. The group's leader offered to assist the king in fending off the Dusklanders but were refused as the kingdom of Patrah had never needed the help of non-Patrah born residents before in history. But after some time from the siege happening a messenger came bursting through the lodge doors, almost out of breath from running to the lodge. The messenger took a second to collect themselves before opening a parchment of paper and reading it aloud.
“To the mercenary group of Woldz currently within the Patrah adventurers lodge, I the King and Queen of the city of Patrah request your aid with the current siege of Dusklanders, your group will be greatly rewarded if you successfully exterminate the Dusklanders currently jeopardizing the safety of the Patrah citizens and the city itself.”
After reading off the request to the group of Woldz, a large one standing over 7ft walked to the front and stood next to the messenger, he was an old-looking Wold his body was covered in scars and he was blind in one eye, his fur was gray with streaks of white, when he spoke it was in a deep gruff voice that boomed around the room, he shouted a speech to the group of Woldz the riled them up as they grabbed their weapons and donned their armor, one Wold sat near the back looking at a golden fang necklace in his palm, the word “Malic” etched into it. Malic looked up before putting the necklace back around his neck, he put on his metal gauntlet with a jewel that seemed to swirl with faint energy on the back and picked up a large greatsword with some symbols engraved onto it, Malic stood at around 7ft 5in with white fur and streaks of brown, he had a calm looking face and a well-toned body from many years of training, he only had a few scars on his chest and arms unlike many of the other Woldz that were covered all over in them.
The Battlefield was hectic, many knights of Patra were being overpowered by the Dusklanders, moral was dying and hope was fading, then the knights heard it, the roar from the Woldz leader that echoed across the battlefield. The Knights of Patra saw the group of fifty-ish Woldz storm onto the battlefield and into the center of the fight, it was a sight to see as they overpowered the Dusklanders in a terrific display of sheer force. All of the Woldz pushed back the hoard of Dusklanders that were killing the Knights of Patra, as the group of Woldz pushed forward Malic stayed back and helped the knights still left, giving them orders and words of encouragement, he helped to rally those that had lost hope. After many hours the last Dusklander fell, the battle had been won thanks to the group of Woldz, and as promised the king invited the now tired group to a feast within the castle in celebration of their great Victory.
The Woldz partied hard within the kings dining hall as they feasted on great and well-prepared foods and fancy wines, they laughed and joked around as they all had a great time, Malic stood near a window at the back of the room looking at the city below, he was about to take a bite out of some food before the large old Wold from earlier walked up to him.
“Malic my boy, come join us with the festivities, stop standing back here alone and converse with the others.”
Malic looked up at the old Wold, before putting his plate down onto the side of the window.
“As much as I enjoyed celebrating with the others, I'm just not feeling it today, we lost a few good clan members in this battle and I can't stop thinking about the families that must be suffering from all the knights and loved ones that died in the siege, is it wrong for me to worry and feel bad for those that I don’t even know, that I’ve never even seen?”
Malic asked this question to the old Wold who put a hand on Malics shoulder
“You are not wrong to worry about those people, it is one of the quirks that make you unique, you care about others and worry for them no matter who they are, you are an honest warrior that never breaks a promise, and I admit you have the ability to inspire others to keep going in the most dire of situations, you are a good person and there is nothing wrong with that, now come on and join the fun.”
The old Wold smacked Malic on the back and laughed after saying that, it caused Malic to let out a smile before agreeing to join the others.
As Malic picked his plate up he noticed the old Wold and many others at the tables begin to topple over and lose strength in their legs, the old Wold fell to a knee a hand placed on the wall his breathing getting laboured, Malic placed the plate down and went to help the old Wold stand, as he got down to aid him the king walked into the room with a large group of knights with crossbows. The king turned towards the paralyzed Woldz and spoke.
“We the kingdom of Patra and myself thank you so very much with your assistance on defeat those abominations, but we can't have word spreading that we were helped by outside forces, I hope you all under that we have defended this Kingdom for many years with the pure-blooded Patrian people and we cannot have our history be ruined by a couple of dogs, we have an image to uphold.”
The king waved a hand in the air and the knights fired their crossbows at all the paralyzed Woldz, the sounds of bolts entering flesh and bones breaking as the barrage of bolts cracked all over the room, as the quiet moans of dying Wolds filled the room the king noticed two Woldz in the back of the room. One was Malic standing unharmed and the other was the old Wold in front of Malic many crossbow bolts sticking in him, he breathed heavily, blood dripping onto the stone floor as he stared at the king.
“Malic… Run… and Live….” As the old Wold said those words he grabbed Malic and threw him out the window.
“NO! AFTER IT! DON’T LET IT ESCAPE NO MATTER WHAT, WE CANNOT HAVE WORD OF THIS DAY SPREADING!”
Screamed the king to the knights.
“What an.. ungrateful bastard…” spat the old Wold to the king
“There is… a reason as too why… we are feared… amongst the battlefield..” the old Wold said as he drew his blade, the creaking and grinding of broken bones in his body, the sounds of blood dripping to the floor, and the noise of footsteps in puddles of blood is all that could be heard in the sudden silence of the room as the Wold approached the king and knights.
Category Story / All
Species Unspecified / Any
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File Size 15.7 kB
Listed in Folders
Oh ho - that ending was really strong - the opening could have been trimmed down to some light descriptions. I love the idea of a kingdom using the notion of their people being undefeatable, unmatched, and above all just because their people alone solve all of their problems. Status can be used as a mighty weapon.
That's my take on it.
Bit's of grammar errors here and there, I recommend you spend a fair more amount of time proofreading (yes I know it's a chore, but someone has to do it. Who knows, you might find something you want to be changed.)
8/10 nice launching off point to Malice. Only question I have is why he was not inflicted with whatever everyone else had? Perhaps a story for another time.
That's my take on it.
Bit's of grammar errors here and there, I recommend you spend a fair more amount of time proofreading (yes I know it's a chore, but someone has to do it. Who knows, you might find something you want to be changed.)
8/10 nice launching off point to Malice. Only question I have is why he was not inflicted with whatever everyone else had? Perhaps a story for another time.
yeah, I do have to proofread more than I do and to answer your question about how Malic wasn't affected like the others is because he never ate any of the food, as he was about to the old Wold came over to speak, so he put the food down, the king had poisoned the food and drinks.
and I'm glad you liked it, I went through a few rough ideas before I settled on this one, although I might post the other scrapped idea later not sure.
I also should work on when to do large descriptions and light ones, everyone's a learning experience.
and I'm glad you liked it, I went through a few rough ideas before I settled on this one, although I might post the other scrapped idea later not sure.
I also should work on when to do large descriptions and light ones, everyone's a learning experience.
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