This is the introduction to a world I've made, each clan has a story that ill be working on I hope you all like it, criticism is always welcome.
Welcome to the land of Rhimkas, a beautiful lush land filled with many wonders and creatures. Some creatures are well known in the fairy tales of the earth such as dragon’s unicorns and minotaur’s, but there are some other unknown creatures that many in Rhimkas try to avoid. Rhimkas is filled with many small towns and major cities ruled by kings in big castles surrounded by high walls and many guards. Major cities tend to be very populated and a great trade hub and a good place to rest up. But this story lies in one race called the Lupcins (pronounced Lu-kins) which are a canine-like race. There are six clans, two in the North which is a mountainy place, two in the South which is a forest with many grassy plains, and one in the east and west.
The two clans in the south are somewhat ordinary except for the fact that the southeastern clan is called the Woldz, which are filled with strong Lupcins who live for fighting above all else, they are usually hired as mercenaries in battles and are devastating in the battlefield, able to take on seven foes at once, their preferred armour is metal leggings, some cloth to cover the rest of the lower part to at least be decent and not nude and a well-made gauntlet for their offhand to block with because they do not use shields, they tend to wield large great swords in one hand that would take two humans to lift it but some have been known to use large bows.
The southwestern clan called the Cavgars is more of a savage clan of coyote-like race pf Lupcins who only wear a piece of animal hide to cover themselves and wield spears. They tend to be avoided due to their savagery but are quite passive in nature if not provoked. They don’t know the common tongue and communicate via different pitches of growls and barks, they are hunters with a survival instinct to fight using everything to survive. Cavgars have been known to be turned into slaves when captured as some humanoids treat them just like wild animals incapable of learning. They are more primitive but they know how to defeat most creatures and just were to hit them to really do some damage, their intelligence is vastly underestimated.
The Lupcin clan to the east live in a more arid part of Rhimkas filled with desert and some dry grasslands, and this clan looks like hyenas unlike most other Lupcins who tend to be wolves. The clan ironically called the Hyens tend to be thieves usually wearing light cloth armour and wielding daggers. They live among most desert cities that are run by a few crime organizations and many wealthy businesses as the desert cities are a large trade hub of exotic goods and services, but starting from ground zero is hard and takes many years to get a good foothold. The Hyens turn to lives of crime as it is just easier than trying to live an honest life and other races put the blame on them forcing them to turn to crime further strengthening their race’s title as thieves.
The Northeastern clan called the Eshterns are a small fox-like race of Lupcins who wear full suits of heavy armour covered in intricate designs and accented with gold, the helmets are left open so they can see, only those of high rank have a closable helmet and wielding a short sword and shield, ranging from medium to large in size. Eshterns are a religious race who devote their time worshipping their holy god Xela, who is depicted as a glowing fox with lightning arcing off her, which is why the Eshterns use lightning and healing magic. The Eshterns society is a closed one with no contact to other races, as they mine out their cities into the mountains they find many ores gems and gold to help build their armours and weapons and pay tributes to their god. The females of the race are the warriors and ones in charge of order and balance as both their offensive magic and physical build are much stronger than the males, making them better for combat and defence in protecting their city from the Krocadalians, a large crocodile-like race that greeds for the gold the Eshterns have stowed away, they are very strong and durable tend to be slow and stupid, they constantly try to assault the Eshtern city but are always pushed back. The males of the race may be weaker in offence but they excel in defence as they have much stronger healing magic and can cast defence spells to strengthen one's ability to take hits.
The Northwestern clan called the Majus are a Dingo-like race of Lupcins, that are a mage filled clan that can only start casting spells depending on the markings that appear on them when they turn ten years old, but some have been known to acquire these markings sooner. Certain markings mean different abilities and colour means what type of magic. Such us a lightning bolt means you’ll be good at lightning spells which tends to be a yellow colour. There are other rarer ones, but the more common ones are fire markings for fire-based spells lightning bolt, lotus flowers for plant-based spells, water drops or snowflakes for water or ice-based spells, mountains for earth-based spells and a wind marking for wind based spells, but if you get a circular spiral of mixed colours that means you will be good at all of the spells, Majus with the spiral pattern are usually appointed as the clan leader.
The last clan to the west is more Monsters then clan, they are called dusk stalkers that live in the land of Dusk, a barren dark land with the ground shrouded in mist home of many horrific undead creatures, it is a place that only the foolish and suicidal go willingly. Dusk stalkers look like Jackel-like Lupcins, except that they are shrouded in a dark shadow and only their eyes glow dimly in the dark lands, they are like ghosts that can pass through objects and should not be attacked for fighting them means death or for those lucky few they will be engulfed and taken over, when this happens their mind and will are lost replaced with the will of the mindless creature, people refer to them as dusk roamers, because they roam the lands forever, they feel no pain and kill any living things that cross their path, they are incredibly strong and durable for the fact that the body is half-dead only kept partially alive by the dusk stalker so their bodies can be fully controlled. If enough damage is taken to the body however, the dusk stalker cannot live alone for long after taking someone over because they are used to living flesh and have only a small amount of time before they have to find another creature to take over, during this time they do not have the ability to fully take over the hosts mind unless it is weak enough. If left alone in that state, they will melt into a small puddle of black goo this goo is extremely rare because it has the ability to extremely enhance potions. The many horrific creatures in the land of dusk cannot escape that place because it is surrounded by a barrier placed there from a very long time ago made of spells talismans and charms and only that of living flesh can pass through. There is one small path leading partway into the land, that is used to sentence criminals who have done the worst of crimes they are dragged to the end of the path and thrown off, many would think to just turn around and walk back on the path, but once someone leaves the path they are dragged by the ghostly mist farther into the land where it is much harder to find the path alive, sane or uncontrolled.
Welcome to the land of Rhimkas, a beautiful lush land filled with many wonders and creatures. Some creatures are well known in the fairy tales of the earth such as dragon’s unicorns and minotaur’s, but there are some other unknown creatures that many in Rhimkas try to avoid. Rhimkas is filled with many small towns and major cities ruled by kings in big castles surrounded by high walls and many guards. Major cities tend to be very populated and a great trade hub and a good place to rest up. But this story lies in one race called the Lupcins (pronounced Lu-kins) which are a canine-like race. There are six clans, two in the North which is a mountainy place, two in the South which is a forest with many grassy plains, and one in the east and west.
The two clans in the south are somewhat ordinary except for the fact that the southeastern clan is called the Woldz, which are filled with strong Lupcins who live for fighting above all else, they are usually hired as mercenaries in battles and are devastating in the battlefield, able to take on seven foes at once, their preferred armour is metal leggings, some cloth to cover the rest of the lower part to at least be decent and not nude and a well-made gauntlet for their offhand to block with because they do not use shields, they tend to wield large great swords in one hand that would take two humans to lift it but some have been known to use large bows.
The southwestern clan called the Cavgars is more of a savage clan of coyote-like race pf Lupcins who only wear a piece of animal hide to cover themselves and wield spears. They tend to be avoided due to their savagery but are quite passive in nature if not provoked. They don’t know the common tongue and communicate via different pitches of growls and barks, they are hunters with a survival instinct to fight using everything to survive. Cavgars have been known to be turned into slaves when captured as some humanoids treat them just like wild animals incapable of learning. They are more primitive but they know how to defeat most creatures and just were to hit them to really do some damage, their intelligence is vastly underestimated.
The Lupcin clan to the east live in a more arid part of Rhimkas filled with desert and some dry grasslands, and this clan looks like hyenas unlike most other Lupcins who tend to be wolves. The clan ironically called the Hyens tend to be thieves usually wearing light cloth armour and wielding daggers. They live among most desert cities that are run by a few crime organizations and many wealthy businesses as the desert cities are a large trade hub of exotic goods and services, but starting from ground zero is hard and takes many years to get a good foothold. The Hyens turn to lives of crime as it is just easier than trying to live an honest life and other races put the blame on them forcing them to turn to crime further strengthening their race’s title as thieves.
The Northeastern clan called the Eshterns are a small fox-like race of Lupcins who wear full suits of heavy armour covered in intricate designs and accented with gold, the helmets are left open so they can see, only those of high rank have a closable helmet and wielding a short sword and shield, ranging from medium to large in size. Eshterns are a religious race who devote their time worshipping their holy god Xela, who is depicted as a glowing fox with lightning arcing off her, which is why the Eshterns use lightning and healing magic. The Eshterns society is a closed one with no contact to other races, as they mine out their cities into the mountains they find many ores gems and gold to help build their armours and weapons and pay tributes to their god. The females of the race are the warriors and ones in charge of order and balance as both their offensive magic and physical build are much stronger than the males, making them better for combat and defence in protecting their city from the Krocadalians, a large crocodile-like race that greeds for the gold the Eshterns have stowed away, they are very strong and durable tend to be slow and stupid, they constantly try to assault the Eshtern city but are always pushed back. The males of the race may be weaker in offence but they excel in defence as they have much stronger healing magic and can cast defence spells to strengthen one's ability to take hits.
The Northwestern clan called the Majus are a Dingo-like race of Lupcins, that are a mage filled clan that can only start casting spells depending on the markings that appear on them when they turn ten years old, but some have been known to acquire these markings sooner. Certain markings mean different abilities and colour means what type of magic. Such us a lightning bolt means you’ll be good at lightning spells which tends to be a yellow colour. There are other rarer ones, but the more common ones are fire markings for fire-based spells lightning bolt, lotus flowers for plant-based spells, water drops or snowflakes for water or ice-based spells, mountains for earth-based spells and a wind marking for wind based spells, but if you get a circular spiral of mixed colours that means you will be good at all of the spells, Majus with the spiral pattern are usually appointed as the clan leader.
The last clan to the west is more Monsters then clan, they are called dusk stalkers that live in the land of Dusk, a barren dark land with the ground shrouded in mist home of many horrific undead creatures, it is a place that only the foolish and suicidal go willingly. Dusk stalkers look like Jackel-like Lupcins, except that they are shrouded in a dark shadow and only their eyes glow dimly in the dark lands, they are like ghosts that can pass through objects and should not be attacked for fighting them means death or for those lucky few they will be engulfed and taken over, when this happens their mind and will are lost replaced with the will of the mindless creature, people refer to them as dusk roamers, because they roam the lands forever, they feel no pain and kill any living things that cross their path, they are incredibly strong and durable for the fact that the body is half-dead only kept partially alive by the dusk stalker so their bodies can be fully controlled. If enough damage is taken to the body however, the dusk stalker cannot live alone for long after taking someone over because they are used to living flesh and have only a small amount of time before they have to find another creature to take over, during this time they do not have the ability to fully take over the hosts mind unless it is weak enough. If left alone in that state, they will melt into a small puddle of black goo this goo is extremely rare because it has the ability to extremely enhance potions. The many horrific creatures in the land of dusk cannot escape that place because it is surrounded by a barrier placed there from a very long time ago made of spells talismans and charms and only that of living flesh can pass through. There is one small path leading partway into the land, that is used to sentence criminals who have done the worst of crimes they are dragged to the end of the path and thrown off, many would think to just turn around and walk back on the path, but once someone leaves the path they are dragged by the ghostly mist farther into the land where it is much harder to find the path alive, sane or uncontrolled.
Category Story / All
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Hey, Giga, just read through your primer above and I have some thoughts I want to express.
Props going through the effort to try spice up your fantasy setting. It seems you have an idea of the creatures, characters, and archetypes you want to populate your world with. I do have a gripe with how 'planet of the hats' this feels like. Each tribe/faction/race is rather long with plenty of detail, but that detail breaks them down into a 'hat' if you may. I'll just take the Lupkin eastern clan as an example.
I can see the direction that you want with the east clan of the Lupkin (which I shall call 'Desert Folk' just to keep things simple), being the nomads, thieves, and businessmen/crime bosses of the world. Wielding daggers and using espionage to get the job done. The thing I want to raise is how limiting this can be in the long run. It feels like a character archetype that covers an entire clan. There is also the continuity of living out in the desert, because, and here's the big because, why would anyone want to live out in the desert?
I hope I don't make you feel bad for this, in fact, I have some ideas for the desert folk. Really, this can apply to almost all of the other clans you have set-up (and I highly recommend you focus squarely on one clan/region making that a good hook into the world before you expand outwards).
1 - and the most important, where does the food come from, where can you get food?
2 - Landscape, what sort of things cause the place in question to be easier/harder to live there?
3 - Explain the coolest thing about your place in less than 3 sentences.
Sorry about the lengthy post, I curios with what you will make next?
Laters!
Props going through the effort to try spice up your fantasy setting. It seems you have an idea of the creatures, characters, and archetypes you want to populate your world with. I do have a gripe with how 'planet of the hats' this feels like. Each tribe/faction/race is rather long with plenty of detail, but that detail breaks them down into a 'hat' if you may. I'll just take the Lupkin eastern clan as an example.
I can see the direction that you want with the east clan of the Lupkin (which I shall call 'Desert Folk' just to keep things simple), being the nomads, thieves, and businessmen/crime bosses of the world. Wielding daggers and using espionage to get the job done. The thing I want to raise is how limiting this can be in the long run. It feels like a character archetype that covers an entire clan. There is also the continuity of living out in the desert, because, and here's the big because, why would anyone want to live out in the desert?
I hope I don't make you feel bad for this, in fact, I have some ideas for the desert folk. Really, this can apply to almost all of the other clans you have set-up (and I highly recommend you focus squarely on one clan/region making that a good hook into the world before you expand outwards).
1 - and the most important, where does the food come from, where can you get food?
2 - Landscape, what sort of things cause the place in question to be easier/harder to live there?
3 - Explain the coolest thing about your place in less than 3 sentences.
Sorry about the lengthy post, I curios with what you will make next?
Laters!
Length is fine and I thank you for your earnest feedback
I can understand that being in a desert can be limiting in the future and the question of why would anyone want to live in a desert and the answer is that no one really wants to live in a desert, it hot dry and overall kind of sucks, and that is what makes a nice goal for the main characters of the clan.
And those three points you made are pretty good, so ill have to do some more thinking.
I may go with your suggestion on sticking to one clan for a bit, my idea was to have a character from each clan and make a story from their experiences from being in said clans.
I might do a vote to see which clan would folks be most interested in reading after I make an intro to the characters.
Either way I thank you again for taking the time to type that out, it really helps.
I can understand that being in a desert can be limiting in the future and the question of why would anyone want to live in a desert and the answer is that no one really wants to live in a desert, it hot dry and overall kind of sucks, and that is what makes a nice goal for the main characters of the clan.
And those three points you made are pretty good, so ill have to do some more thinking.
I may go with your suggestion on sticking to one clan for a bit, my idea was to have a character from each clan and make a story from their experiences from being in said clans.
I might do a vote to see which clan would folks be most interested in reading after I make an intro to the characters.
Either way I thank you again for taking the time to type that out, it really helps.
No prob, I'm just happy you read through it.
Oh, and it sounds like you are planning a GRAND SCALE ADVENTURE THAT COULD (maybe) RIVAL TOLKIEN HIMSELF!!! You going for the usual party of peeps (the party of five; the leader, the lancer, the heart, the big-guy, and the brains).
I'll link through some videos (which you may or may not have seen before) to give you an idea of what you would want from your fantasy world.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmmNuic_4tQ (these people are rad, I would highly recommend you look through all their stuff if you have the chance)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZmUUupSgQk (give my boy some attention to EVERYONE!)
Cheers, I'm gonna flame on League of legends, so I might not be able to respond in a timely manner.
Laters (again)
Oh, and it sounds like you are planning a GRAND SCALE ADVENTURE THAT COULD (maybe) RIVAL TOLKIEN HIMSELF!!! You going for the usual party of peeps (the party of five; the leader, the lancer, the heart, the big-guy, and the brains).
I'll link through some videos (which you may or may not have seen before) to give you an idea of what you would want from your fantasy world.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmmNuic_4tQ (these people are rad, I would highly recommend you look through all their stuff if you have the chance)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZmUUupSgQk (give my boy some attention to EVERYONE!)
Cheers, I'm gonna flame on League of legends, so I might not be able to respond in a timely manner.
Laters (again)
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