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![[Vent Art] Fear](http://d.furaffinity.net/art/seboostian./1571924498/1571924498.seboostian._fear_of_being_left_behind_and_replaced_-_lucienn.png "Click to change the View")
[Vent Art] Fear
We all fear something. I fear to be left behind, to be replaced. To have everything change faster than I can keep up with, simply because I'm so far behind. I strive to give other people happiness. To make their happiness worth more than mine. Yet... I can't deny the fact that I still have a very long empty road to go before I'll be happy.
Being told from a young age that thinking about myself was a selfish act, I always put everyone above me. I still do.
I don't have the right to destroy anyone's happiness.
Even though something in me tells me not to be ok with it. It's painful, but at least they're happy.
The fear of being abandoned and replaced by someone else still tears at me, like grasping hands never letting go. I fear being forgotten. To be alone. Even though I'm always alone. No friends, no family to talk to, being used by the person who gave birth to me. Eating alone. Sleeping alone. Crying alone.
Sometimes the sweet whisper of death and the blade of the knife tempts me more and more. The questions of my own existence clawing at my mind...
What am I living for? Why am I still here? Why do I allow mysef to be unhappy for everyone else to use me for a stepping stone to their own happiness..? Why am I so selfish for having feelings at all? Is it selfish to embrace death if everyone else if so happy on their own?
It hurts and I'm terrified...!Just some vent art I needed to get out. Luckily writing it down and drawing it helped me somewhat. The feelings are still there, but they're lighter now.
I survived 22 years, 12 of those years being abused, bullied and manipulated. I can endure 22 more.
Lucien belongs to me.
Art is by me.
Category All / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 1280 x 1280px
File Size 155.3 kB
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