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I saw that it was pronoun's day on twitter, I've been so swamped with our new pup that I haven't had a chance to sit down and... well BREATHE! Let alone draw anything. So last night decided to take a quick moment for myself and draw myself~
My name is AJ! My fursona is AJ Ferret~ We're both CISfemale but it's been quite the journey to figure it out! As a 10-15 year (honestly 1-15) old kid I did not want ANYTHING to do with being a girl. I made every effort to dress neutral, tie my hair back, and even sometimes wear a hat. People would often refer to me as he/him or young man and it filled me with such delight.
After 15 and having my world ruined by hormones and the world being extra shitty to me as I developed breasts and curves? I started to dress like a fucking slut. If men and people were going to talk down to me JUST because of a body-sex I had no control over, I was willing to troll them and take them for everything they had. You wanted to cop a feel? Buy me like hundreds of dollars worth of books, art supplies, or food. C: I used my girly appearance full force to get shit my family was much too broke for.
Now I'm 18-19. My body is slowly down rapidly. I'm getting sicker and sicker. I can no longer move around as much, I can't work, I get really fat from birth control side effects and lack of exercise/healthy diet. From 20-23 I give up all gender assignment. I don't get dressed any more. I don't indulge in anything any more. I'm too sick to care and there is nothing anyone can do. dead zone. If you can picture a black hole instead of a human, that's about right. I give no shits about existing. It's a dark time, lots full of suicidal thoughts and active self harming. I was so disgusted by my physical body and female-ness.
It's not really until I meet my current husband, Prov, that I start feeling human again. Slowly, with time and effort, I am given the help I needed to be allowed to go back out into the world. I was allowed to leave my box-room that I'd been stranded in for years. Very awkward and embarrassed to dress myself because it's... just all over weight clothing 2 sizes too big or PJ's. It takes a very long time to build any sort of confidence with myself and me being around others. It took a year or two for Prov to be able to touch me without me shrieking, pulling away, breaking into a cold sweat. PTSD is a scary thing. But with patience and kindness, it's something you can work through.
I'm finally 29 years old, I feel completely at home with being female. I now emotionally understand I don't have to present the "standard" way to others or the general public. Getting to learn about pronouns and trans-gendered discrimination over the last few years I realize so much of this information would have helped a very desperate little kid in early 2000's. This information would have helped process so many feelings and insecurities about developing. And that it's not always just one fluid direction of change. I'm so happy to say I feel 100% great being CISfemale. I love my girly self in all the right ways. (Granted, the chance of pregnancy or period cramping could be removed plz :'3 haha)
Even to this day though, even though I now feel 100% comfortable saying, "Yes I am female. Yes she/her is fine." I also receive the same happy vibes when people refer to me as They/Them or He/Him often. I guess my shaved head really messes with people and their assumptions about me. lol I figured to make it easier on everyone and to help educate my friends/family is to just accept all three of those pronouns for myself. That way no one ever has to be mid-panic at me for "getting it wrong" when they accidentally call me Sir. Man, I love being called Sir so much...
But yeah. Everyone's journey is different. Be kind and listen to others.
so... HAPPY LATE PRONOUN'S DAY!!!
My name is AJ! My fursona is AJ Ferret~ We're both CISfemale but it's been quite the journey to figure it out! As a 10-15 year (honestly 1-15) old kid I did not want ANYTHING to do with being a girl. I made every effort to dress neutral, tie my hair back, and even sometimes wear a hat. People would often refer to me as he/him or young man and it filled me with such delight.
After 15 and having my world ruined by hormones and the world being extra shitty to me as I developed breasts and curves? I started to dress like a fucking slut. If men and people were going to talk down to me JUST because of a body-sex I had no control over, I was willing to troll them and take them for everything they had. You wanted to cop a feel? Buy me like hundreds of dollars worth of books, art supplies, or food. C: I used my girly appearance full force to get shit my family was much too broke for.
Now I'm 18-19. My body is slowly down rapidly. I'm getting sicker and sicker. I can no longer move around as much, I can't work, I get really fat from birth control side effects and lack of exercise/healthy diet. From 20-23 I give up all gender assignment. I don't get dressed any more. I don't indulge in anything any more. I'm too sick to care and there is nothing anyone can do. dead zone. If you can picture a black hole instead of a human, that's about right. I give no shits about existing. It's a dark time, lots full of suicidal thoughts and active self harming. I was so disgusted by my physical body and female-ness.
It's not really until I meet my current husband, Prov, that I start feeling human again. Slowly, with time and effort, I am given the help I needed to be allowed to go back out into the world. I was allowed to leave my box-room that I'd been stranded in for years. Very awkward and embarrassed to dress myself because it's... just all over weight clothing 2 sizes too big or PJ's. It takes a very long time to build any sort of confidence with myself and me being around others. It took a year or two for Prov to be able to touch me without me shrieking, pulling away, breaking into a cold sweat. PTSD is a scary thing. But with patience and kindness, it's something you can work through.
I'm finally 29 years old, I feel completely at home with being female. I now emotionally understand I don't have to present the "standard" way to others or the general public. Getting to learn about pronouns and trans-gendered discrimination over the last few years I realize so much of this information would have helped a very desperate little kid in early 2000's. This information would have helped process so many feelings and insecurities about developing. And that it's not always just one fluid direction of change. I'm so happy to say I feel 100% great being CISfemale. I love my girly self in all the right ways. (Granted, the chance of pregnancy or period cramping could be removed plz :'3 haha)
Even to this day though, even though I now feel 100% comfortable saying, "Yes I am female. Yes she/her is fine." I also receive the same happy vibes when people refer to me as They/Them or He/Him often. I guess my shaved head really messes with people and their assumptions about me. lol I figured to make it easier on everyone and to help educate my friends/family is to just accept all three of those pronouns for myself. That way no one ever has to be mid-panic at me for "getting it wrong" when they accidentally call me Sir. Man, I love being called Sir so much...
But yeah. Everyone's journey is different. Be kind and listen to others.
so... HAPPY LATE PRONOUN'S DAY!!!
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Where you can find AJ!
★ [ DeviantArt ] - [ FurAffinity ] ★
★ [ Clover Coin Patreon ] ★
★ [ Twitter ] - [ ToyHouse ] ★
Interested in commissioning me? Here are some helpful links.
★ [ CloverCoin.com ] - [ Terms of Service ] - [ Commission Guide and Prices ] - [ Work Queue: CloverCoin / Flipside ] ★
If you like my work, consider checking out my ko-fi! ❤
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Category Artwork (Digital) / All
Species Unspecified / Any
Size 618 x 800px
File Size 408.9 kB
Listed in Folders
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